stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!

[Anonymous]

When my parents belonged to a country club, there was this plaque thing that listed all the winners of the annual golf tournament. It looked like this:

Mrs Joseph Smith
Mrs John Doe
Mrs Bradley Cooper

Every single one. Basically, a woman won a tournament and her husband got the credit forever.

Why anyone would want to be addressed by their husband’s first name is beyond me. But if that’s what you want, that’s how I’ll address your card because people should be addressed how they want to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Lessons are being taught on this thread.
Oooo I’m learning.

[Anonymous]

Not a hill worth dying on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

Of all the things to throw a hissy fit about…grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I like being addressed as Mr & Mrs [DH first and last name, III] and think it’s charming, but only because it is the exception to the norm, and not an expectation. Also I am an immigrant with a totally foreign legal name which I did not change, so that plays a part

This is very true
My husband is a II our son is a III

[Anonymous]

Please please please send them a card and address it to Mr and Mrs WifesFirstName WifesMaidenName!!

What are they going to do, get mad that you used the wrong name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you were a Kamala Harris voter; were shocked, saddened and angered when Trump won; and have no idea how such a thing could have possibly happened.

Well, it was largely because most people are no longer cowering in fear of offending the delicate sensibilities of people like you. DEI is over. MeToo is over. The pronoun police are over. I suggest you move on.

no one was “cowering” before either obviously because this isn’t the first year they sent the card addressed like this

[Anonymous]

Yes, I hate that, too.

[Anonymous]

Women that keep their last name are obnoxious

[Anonymous]

Just RTS it. Write “no one by this name at this address” on the envelope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women that keep their last name are obnoxious

The two part last name are kinda’ obnoxious too.

My sister did that and still does as a divorced woman

What are the rules on that ?
Anyone know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

I do my very very best to call/address people by the name they would like me to, but you just sound like a fruitcake when you say this.

Agree. Over the top phrasing. Remember, a woman’s maiden name is her father’s so that’s a man’s name too! Neither is her “identity.”

I always think this is such a dumb argument - my name was my name until I was 30 and the only name I'd ever know and I claimed it as mine

Switching as adults is totally different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

I do my very very best to call/address people by the name they would like me to, but you just sound like a fruitcake when you say this.

Agree. Over the top phrasing. Remember, a woman’s maiden name is her father’s so that’s a man’s name too! Neither is her “identity.”

I always think this is such a dumb argument - my name was my name until I was 30 and the only name I'd ever know and I claimed it as mine

Switching as adults is totally different

The dumb argument is suggesting a woman who changes her name as an adult is losing her identity. Your name was that of a man’s when you were younger than 30 and will be another man’s older than that. Who cares? You are still YOU. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

This is OP and for the record I do not care if people change their names, hyphenate names, pick an entirely new family name altogether, keep their names. Whatever they want is fine!

I kept my name. My first name, and my last name. It does not seem like a huge ask for people not to address me by my husband's first name. But I guess some people see it differently and also feel that their preferences outweigh mine.

[Anonymous]

How many of you who explain your actions as "tradition" believe in equality between men and women?