I am routinely shocked by my formerly super activist feminist sister not only taking her husband's last name in the middle of her Big Career, but by addressing all invitations and cards to Mr and Mrs HusbandFirst HusbandLast. |
That is weird! Did you ever ask her why? |
Meh. This is not a hill to die on with regard to holiday cards. Agree it's annoying but NBD.
Professionally? Yes. |
In social invitations, it is what is done. Then the inner card has your first names. In professional settings it is done differently. |
I’m totally with you, OP. It’s irritating. |
I didn’t know anyone still did that…it’s ridiculously outdated. |
Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.
Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name. My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated. My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less. |
You sound offended, and they sound passive aggressive if you've brought it up to them. |
Why would you address your cousin and your best friend by names that you know aren't theirs, regardless of how "fine" you think they are with it? |
We have told them multiple times that this bothers me. Like honestly, stop sending the card to someone who's told you that if you can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to update the spreadsheet. You don't know that they are fine when you address the card as if the wife simply doesn't exist - you just know they've told you it's fine. We've told them it's not fine. I'm not dying on this hill. Won't even bring it up with them again since clearly doing so has no result. But, just, stop doing it. There is literally no reason on this good earth to keep addressing women by their husband's first name. It's so dumb, it's so old fashioned, it's so WRONG for so many of the people you know. |
My ILs address holiday cards to Mr. husband’s full name and family. To me, this is also passive aggressive. They know me and kids for years, but they still treat me as an outsider.
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You're not the boss of me, Phillis. Stop being such a grump. |
If it hasn't worked by telling them directly what good will it do to shout about it here? |
Mine do too. I dont even have the same last name. I find it offensive but not b/c they are treating me like an outsider. I think it's because they think any insider would have the same name (apparently first and last) as their son |
I get it .. The Christmas cards we've received for this year have been addressed to us as follows Mr and Mrs LAST NAME The LAST NAME's |