stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally, only divorced or widowed women used Mrs. (their first name) (husband's last name).

This is incorrect.

My 85 year old widowed mother is Mrs. Joe Smith
My 80 year old divorced Aunt is Mrs. Jane Smith

If I sent a letter to my mother without my dad's 1st name, in her mind, it is disrespectful to the memory of my dad and her marriage.

[Anonymous]

It irritates me slightly too. Just a reminder of patriarcy along with a note of cheer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even take his last name let alone his first name. Just send it to him alone if you don't care to know or acknowledge that.

ANYWAY

OK Mrs. Bob

[Anonymous]

Honest question - do you annoy them? This could be a passive aggressive thing they are doing. Or they are just amused to be annoying you. Depends on your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question - do you annoy them? This could be a passive aggressive thing they are doing. Or they are just amused to be annoying you. Depends on your relationship.

I don't think so? My husband annoyed his sibling's spouse long before we even met. They used to have a pretty contentious relationship.

But we all get along now. We see them once a year at Christmas and we always go out for dinner just the four of us at least once, and have a really nice time.

We live far away and just don't get to see them much. If anything, my husband is more annoyed by them than they are by us - for some good reasons, some petty ones - but I think we're all adults about it, and don't look for trouble. I don't think, anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

[Anonymous]

I was raised in the south and taught to do this. I personally DO want our invitations sent to “Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Reynolds”

BUT I was also taught that you should call someone what they ask you to call them. So if you told me you preferred something else, I would absolutely honor that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

I do my very very best to call/address people by the name they would like me to, but you just sound like a fruitcake when you say this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you were a Kamala Harris voter; were shocked, saddened and angered when Trump won; and have no idea how such a thing could have possibly happened.

Well, it was largely because most people are no longer cowering in fear of offending the delicate sensibilities of people like you. DEI is over. MeToo is over. The pronoun police are over. I suggest you move on.

[Anonymous]

The proper thing to do is to respect how a woman prefers to be addressed.

DH and I have different last names. Our holiday mail invariably is addressed to Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even take his last name let alone his first name. Just send it to him alone if you don't care to know or acknowledge that.

ANYWAY

+100

[Anonymous]

My mom told me back in the 1970s, she got her first piece of mail addressed to Mrs. [Dad's Full Name] and she threw it away. She hadn't wanted to change her name but was required at the time (the law changed a year later).

So sadly, this has been going on for over 50 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom told me back in the 1970s, she got her first piece of mail addressed to Mrs. [Dad's Full Name] and she threw it away. She hadn't wanted to change her name but was required at the time (the law changed a year later).

So sadly, this has been going on for over 50 years.

Some of us do like to be addressed in that way, so there’s nothing sad about it. What’s sad is when someone tells you they prefer to be addressed in another way, and you don’t change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

I do my very very best to call/address people by the name they would like me to, but you just sound like a fruitcake when you say this.

Agree. Over the top phrasing. Remember, a woman’s maiden name is her father’s so that’s a man’s name too! Neither is her “identity.”