stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!

[Anonymous]

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

The standard etiquette practice is to call people what they wished to be called, not what you think they should be called. Also, can you not think if any etiquette practices that used to be standard but are now seen as archaic and outdated? Do you always find evolution so difficult?

[Anonymous]

No one cares about your last name. Get a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares about your last name. Get a hobby.

Unfortunately DCUM is my hobby, so

[Anonymous]

Drop the Mrs all together!!!!!

It’s Ms or I don’t engage.

I noticed this is somewhat of a class thing. My more educated contacts would never use Mrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

The standard etiquette practice is to call people what they wished to be called, not what you think they should be called. Also, can you not think if any etiquette practices that used to be standard but are now seen as archaic and outdated? Do you always find evolution so difficult?

NP. I wouldn't call that standard etiquette so much as politeness. Etiquette is more set, neutral. Politeness is more accommodating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL never could spell my name properly. I’m Diana. Dania, Diane, Dana. She didn’t like the spelling of DD’s name so I’m convinced botches this on purpose - similar to Madeleine-and DD is 18. Has called me Madeleine pretending to confuse our names. MIL always said she was a terrible speller - including names.

I have a number of family members with dysgraphia and these are exactly the type of spelling errors I see from them. I have a fairly simple last name and you should see how many different spellings we have seen on envelopes over the years- and these are parents and siblings. They’re not doing it on purpose or to annoy, they truly can’t help it and can’t remember how to spell words. Very bright people, engineer-types, but they can’t spell and have almost illegible handwriting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop the Mrs all together!!!!!

It’s Ms or I don’t engage.

I noticed this is somewhat of a class thing. My more educated contacts would never use Mrs.

Education and class are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

The standard etiquette practice is to call people what they wished to be called, not what you think they should be called. Also, can you not think if any etiquette practices that used to be standard but are now seen as archaic and outdated? Do you always find evolution so difficult?

This. Why is it so hard for some people to just be nice and pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

The standard etiquette practice is to call people what they wished to be called, not what you think they should be called. Also, can you not think if any etiquette practices that used to be standard but are now seen as archaic and outdated? Do you always find evolution so difficult?

You've got it the directions wrong. Evolution is supposed to ensure the survival of the species by making us stronger, faster, better. I don't see how worrying about this stuff or making it so where people have to remember (or at least write down) 150 individualized naming conventions for 100 different people (can't forget the 2 spirits!) makes us stronger and better as a people.

Also, my 3-year old would like his Christmas Cards addressed to Sir T-Rex Vader, Defender of the Galaxy. Please feel free to follow your standard etiquette practice as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

my MIL does this now to her own daughter (who kept her last name for professional reasons). I find it....odd. And passive aggressive

[Anonymous]

My sister in law addresses everything to us as Mr. and Mrs. DH First Name Last Name. Annoying AF, since I've never adopted DH's last name. I say something every so often and she smugly says "Well, I took my husband's name because I am committed to our marriage!"

Which DH overheard last year and shot back with "So committed you've taken the last name of all 3 husbands!" I just about died laughing. DH and I have been married 21 years. She's had marriages of 3, 2, and currently 6 in the span of 16 years. But what do we know about about being committed to marriage, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my MIL does this now to her own daughter (who kept her last name for professional reasons). I find it....odd. And passive aggressive

My mom does it to me, too. It's her way of letting me know she vehemently resents the fact that I didn't bend to societal pressure. I think it's because she's one of those people who feels personally attacked when people choose to do things differently than she did. Really, my decision to not change my name has zero to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

Some people like tradition. And yes, it's one little thing... open the envelope, look at the card and be glad that someone took the time to remember your family.

People who like tradition feel the same way about people who want to destroy all traditions. You chip and chip and chip away at social norms. It gets old and finally, we end up with people who feel it is "emotional labor" to engage with family members, who refuse to host, who refuse to cook a holiday meal, etc. because they feel it is oppression. Everyone ends up worse off, even the harpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you who explain your actions as "tradition" believe in equality between men and women?

Nothing about this issue reflects equality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

Some people like tradition. And yes, it's one little thing... open the envelope, look at the card and be glad that someone took the time to remember your family.

People who like tradition feel the same way about people who want to destroy all traditions. You chip and chip and chip away at social norms. It gets old and finally, we end up with people who feel it is "emotional labor" to engage with family members, who refuse to host, who refuse to cook a holiday meal, etc. because they feel it is oppression. Everyone ends up worse off, even the harpy.

lol ok this thread has officially jumped the shark