Elementary kids, small house, how do couples have sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

It’s funny how we take the opposite line of thinking here. I think having sex in bed with kids is beyond prudish. just as I pointed out upthread, I don’t think that’s prioritizing the woman’s pleasure. I think the man is getting off and actually finishing so they can conceive. Certainly serves a function. And he gets off. But I’m guessing that woman has never had an O in her life.

And I’m guessing there’s not a lot of intimacy or connection here.

it’s much less prudish to actually want the woman to have a good experience and to have the couple make a little effort to make that happen instead of just using her for a vessel for the man.

I doubt they are doing it in the same bed with the kids, they probably take it to the living room or move the kids somewhere while the kids sleep. That was my interpretation of OP’s sister’s reaction. The kids are sleeping. Make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

It’s funny how we take the opposite line of thinking here. I think having sex in bed with kids is beyond prudish. just as I pointed out upthread, I don’t think that’s prioritizing the woman’s pleasure. I think the man is getting off and actually finishing so they can conceive. Certainly serves a function. And he gets off. But I’m guessing that woman has never had an O in her life.

And I’m guessing there’s not a lot of intimacy or connection here.

it’s much less prudish to actually want the woman to have a good experience and to have the couple make a little effort to make that happen instead of just using her for a vessel for the man.

I doubt they are doing it in the same bed with the kids, they probably take it to the living room or move the kids somewhere while the kids sleep. That was my interpretation of OP’s sister’s reaction. The kids are sleeping. Make it work.

Hard to move your kids when your kids are teens. Check back with us in a few years and let us know how that is working.

Yeah, a lot of us are making it work. It’s just weird that there’s judgment on this thread. Sorry but I’m not gonna be called a prude because I don’t have sex with my kids 6 feet away. Call me crazy for wanting to enjoy the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

They are also having sex rarely.
https://www.yutaaoki.com/blog/japan-sex-statistics-by-sagami

Japanese men in their 20s are having sex 4 times a month? Doesn’t sound believeable. My boyfriend could go 4 times day at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

It’s funny how we take the opposite line of thinking here. I think having sex in bed with kids is beyond prudish. just as I pointed out upthread, I don’t think that’s prioritizing the woman’s pleasure. I think the man is getting off and actually finishing so they can conceive. Certainly serves a function. And he gets off. But I’m guessing that woman has never had an O in her life.

And I’m guessing there’s not a lot of intimacy or connection here.

it’s much less prudish to actually want the woman to have a good experience and to have the couple make a little effort to make that happen instead of just using her for a vessel for the man.

I doubt they are doing it in the same bed with the kids, they probably take it to the living room or move the kids somewhere while the kids sleep. That was my interpretation of OP’s sister’s reaction. The kids are sleeping. Make it work.

Hard to move your kids when your kids are teens. Check back with us in a few years and let us know how that is working.

Yeah, a lot of us are making it work. It’s just weird that there’s judgment on this thread. Sorry but I’m not gonna be called a prude because I don’t have sex with my kids 6 feet away. Call me crazy for wanting to enjoy the experience.

I also assume these were not teens. I don’t think Japanese people sleep in the same bed with their teens. Although that would explain young people having very, very little sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just gave up worrying about it. Remember that in prairie days people had one room cabins and still managed to have sex. People all over the world have sex in close quarters. And if our kids overhear? Well, at least they know their middle-aged parents still enjoy a healthy sex life.

Then again, I’m one of those mothers who gives her teen daughters vibrators.

I missed the vibrator episode of Little House on the Prairie.

It just means that clearly some parents are way too uptight about sex and sexual pleasure, while others recognize it as an important component of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

It’s funny how we take the opposite line of thinking here. I think having sex in bed with kids is beyond prudish. just as I pointed out upthread, I don’t think that’s prioritizing the woman’s pleasure. I think the man is getting off and actually finishing so they can conceive. Certainly serves a function. And he gets off. But I’m guessing that woman has never had an O in her life.

And I’m guessing there’s not a lot of intimacy or connection here.

it’s much less prudish to actually want the woman to have a good experience and to have the couple make a little effort to make that happen instead of just using her for a vessel for the man.

I doubt they are doing it in the same bed with the kids, they probably take it to the living room or move the kids somewhere while the kids sleep. That was my interpretation of OP’s sister’s reaction. The kids are sleeping. Make it work.

Hard to move your kids when your kids are teens. Check back with us in a few years and let us know how that is working.

Yeah, a lot of us are making it work. It’s just weird that there’s judgment on this thread. Sorry but I’m not gonna be called a prude because I don’t have sex with my kids 6 feet away. Call me crazy for wanting to enjoy the experience.

That’s funny. Cause I still manage to have fun. And I’m loud, too. You need to get over this idea that sex is bad or has to be had furtively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our sex life has dropped off a cliff and while I don't really mind, I know my husband does.

You're headed for divorce. Sex isn't some chore you're obligated to participate in, it's supposed to have spice, passion and love behind it from both parties. If you're no longer (were you ever?) sexually attracted to your husband that is a major issue.

[Anonymous]

I learned to be quiet and enjoy sex. My neighbors don’t want to hear it any more than my kids did. It worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our sex life has dropped off a cliff and while I don't really mind, I know my husband does.

You're headed for divorce. Sex isn't some chore you're obligated to participate in, it's supposed to have spice, passion and love behind it from both parties. If you're no longer (were you ever?) sexually attracted to your husband that is a major issue.

Except according to this forum, sex is an obligation. For many people, it is something you do to keep a relationship healthy, especially when you have been having sex with the same person for 20 years. Thats why people schedule it, plan it,prioritize it beyond just a fundamental desperate need for one another. If you have "spice and passion" behind every sexual encounter with your long-term spouse, good for you. But give me a break with the "headed for divorce" trope and join us here in the real world.

For example: I like sex with my husband, but not so much that I'm willing to jump through hoops be silent, be stressed, etc. just to make it happen within a few feet of my awake tween. I can contain myself for when they are gone or we are gone. It isn't enjoyable with them around anyway.

[Anonymous]

Just install the door lock yourself, OP. It's actually really easy to do. Why does your husband have to be the one to do it? Install a lock & have sex early in the morning before kids wake up or take a "nap" on weekend afternoons and let them watch a movie during your "nap time", or have sex when the kids are both gone at school/a friend's house/an activity, or send the kids together down to the park or the corner store to buy a snack or out for a bike ride or whatever you're comfortable with (I realize this isn't a good idea in every neighborhood...but your kids are old enough that it could possibly work depending on where you live), or just...be quieter (this *IS* possible and I'm someone who naturally is loud during sex but I can be quiet if needed and it's still fun).

It seems like you and your husband both are treating this as a game or a test or a problem you don't really actually care to solve. It's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

It’s funny how we take the opposite line of thinking here. I think having sex in bed with kids is beyond prudish. just as I pointed out upthread, I don’t think that’s prioritizing the woman’s pleasure. I think the man is getting off and actually finishing so they can conceive. Certainly serves a function. And he gets off. But I’m guessing that woman has never had an O in her life.

And I’m guessing there’s not a lot of intimacy or connection here.

it’s much less prudish to actually want the woman to have a good experience and to have the couple make a little effort to make that happen instead of just using her for a vessel for the man.

I doubt they are doing it in the same bed with the kids, they probably take it to the living room or move the kids somewhere while the kids sleep. That was my interpretation of OP’s sister’s reaction. The kids are sleeping. Make it work.

Hard to move your kids when your kids are teens. Check back with us in a few years and let us know how that is working.

Yeah, a lot of us are making it work. It’s just weird that there’s judgment on this thread. Sorry but I’m not gonna be called a prude because I don’t have sex with my kids 6 feet away. Call me crazy for wanting to enjoy the experience.

That’s funny. Cause I still manage to have fun. And I’m loud, too. You need to get over this idea that sex is bad or has to be had furtively.

I don’t think it’s bad. I just don’t like doing it around my kids. It’s important to have a separate identity from mom and I think not involving your kids in sex life is a great first step. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just install the door lock yourself, OP. It's actually really easy to do. Why does your husband have to be the one to do it? Install a lock & have sex early in the morning before kids wake up or take a "nap" on weekend afternoons and let them watch a movie during your "nap time", or have sex when the kids are both gone at school/a friend's house/an activity, or send the kids together down to the park or the corner store to buy a snack or out for a bike ride or whatever you're comfortable with (I realize this isn't a good idea in every neighborhood...but your kids are old enough that it could possibly work depending on where you live), or just...be quieter (this *IS* possible and I'm someone who naturally is loud during sex but I can be quiet if needed and it's still fun).

It seems like you and your husband both are treating this as a game or a test or a problem you don't really actually care to solve. It's not that hard.

The person who wants it more has to install the lock, that’s why. OP is personally okay with less sex, but she gave a task to DH to put forth some effort and address her needs to security and comfort to have sex. He either doesn’t believe that the locks are necessary (which is dismissive of her needs) or doesn’t want her enough to install the locks. Either way, the consequence is less sex for him and a guilt-free conscience for her. Which might be the design of this marital game, who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just install the door lock yourself, OP. It's actually really easy to do. Why does your husband have to be the one to do it? Install a lock & have sex early in the morning before kids wake up or take a "nap" on weekend afternoons and let them watch a movie during your "nap time", or have sex when the kids are both gone at school/a friend's house/an activity, or send the kids together down to the park or the corner store to buy a snack or out for a bike ride or whatever you're comfortable with (I realize this isn't a good idea in every neighborhood...but your kids are old enough that it could possibly work depending on where you live), or just...be quieter (this *IS* possible and I'm someone who naturally is loud during sex but I can be quiet if needed and it's still fun).

It seems like you and your husband both are treating this as a game or a test or a problem you don't really actually care to solve. It's not that hard.

The person who wants it more has to install the lock, that’s why. OP is personally okay with less sex, but she gave a task to DH to put forth some effort and address her needs to security and comfort to have sex. He either doesn’t believe that the locks are necessary (which is dismissive of her needs) or doesn’t want her enough to install the locks. Either way, the consequence is less sex for him and a guilt-free conscience for her. Which might be the design of this marital game, who knows.

This is how people end up sexless and miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

They are also having sex rarely.
https://www.yutaaoki.com/blog/japan-sex-statistics-by-sagami

Japanese men in their 20s are having sex 4 times a month? Doesn’t sound believeable. My boyfriend could go 4 times day at that age.

Japanese men have jobs