Elementary kids, small house, how do couples have sex?

[Anonymous]

This is a serious question. Our sex life has dropped off a cliff and while I don't really mind, I know my husband does. "Kids" isn't the issue, since babies sleep in cribs and when a toddler is asleep, they are asleep. But we have a tiny upstairs where all of our bedroom doors are really close. The kids, now 12 and 8, sleep with their doors open, and even if they were closed, you can hear a pin drop. Not to mention a kid on ADHD meds who has trouble falling asleep, another with night terrors and sleepwalking.

As for the sex, total silence just isn't possible for either of us. So what is a couple to do? I am starting to feel REALLY guilty, and somehow I feel like its all my fault and responsibility to fix.

I understand that "if its a priority you make it work" but HOW, exactly? Sneaking into a car? Waiting until 1am and sneaking into the basement? This all just feels like a LOT, and I am really at a loss for something that really shouldn't be this complicated.

Do couples in our position just not have sex unless they have a night away?

[Anonymous]

-Basement (if you have one) after kids go to bed
-When both kids are out of the house, eg if you both WFH or kids are at weekend activities
-"Date night" involves having a lite dinner and booking a hotel room for a few hours while babysitter is home with the kids
-Weekend adult trips while kids stay home with grandparents

[Anonymous]

Oh, and I should mention that I have asked my husband to install a lock on the door many times to prevent any unforeseen bust-ins, and he just...forgets.

[Anonymous]

1) Since he minds so much, he can come up with a solution. Tell him that.

2) Let the kids watch a movie in the basement, loud.

3) Mornings before they wake up, and also this is why Saturday AM cartoons were invented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I should mention that I have asked my husband to install a lock on the door many times to prevent any unforeseen bust-ins, and he just...forgets.

Well then maybe it doesn't bother him as much as you think.

Next time tell him "Sure, I'd love to, as soon as you get that lock installed." Repeat it over and over.

[Anonymous]

Shower sex.

[Anonymous]

I think couples in your position would try a white noise machine for yourselves and also for the kids' rooms. Or tell the kids you are watching a movie and turn it way up. And taking a day off together during the week.

But most of all, this is YOUR DH'S PROBLEM TO FIX. What is wrong with you that you don't understand that? Next time he brings it up, ask him what changes he plans to implement.

[Anonymous]

I work from home and DH works a hybrid schedule. We have sex during the day when kids are out of the house. Been this way for years and years since oldest was probably 8 and she is now almost 15.

[Anonymous]

You just... do it. You close and lock your door and you close the kids' doors once they fall asleep. If your kids have trouble falling asleep, do it in the middle of the night or early in the morning before they're up.

Or you put on some sort of engrossing movie for them and go upstairs with your husband for 15 minutes. They won't even notice that you're gone.

Or do it in the living room if you have to, or the basement if theres a sofa or bed there. Put up a motion lightbulb on the stairway or something to be alerted of one of the kids starts to come down the stairs.

Do you ever work from home? Does one of you start work after the kids leave for school? All you need is 15 minutes if you're in a rush.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I should mention that I have asked my husband to install a lock on the door many times to prevent any unforeseen bust-ins, and he just...forgets.

Why can't you install a lock if you want one?

[Anonymous]

This is why sleepovers were invented.
Send them to grandmas for a day maybe every Sunday for a few hours.


You take the day off work when kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I should mention that I have asked my husband to install a lock on the door many times to prevent any unforeseen bust-ins, and he just...forgets.

Door knobs are actually really, really easy to install -- like 5 minutes for a regular interior knob. And you can get them for cheap -- as little at $15-20.

You're a big girl and I'm sure you can figure out a screwdriver.

[Anonymous]

White noise machine in the kids' room.

[Anonymous]

We do total silence or have sex when they are at school.

[Anonymous]

Do you both work out of the house full time?
Get a lock for your room or go to the basement. It’s not that hard. We lived in a tiny house growing up and my parents managed to have 6 kids without anyone being the wiser about their intimate life.