Elementary kids, small house, how do couples have sex?

[Anonymous]

We recently moved to a smaller house where the bedrooms are all on one floor and are having similar issues.
We do a lot of the things other posters suggested. Have sex in the shower, turn on the television, fans in the kids rooms, etc. Overall, though, we are just having a lot less sex than we were when we had a first floor master and it was logistically easier.

[Anonymous]

OP here: all decent suggestions barring shower sex. Great in theory, in practice its like two seals slipping around an empty tank.

I had no clue that open doors were a fire hazard. GTK.

Regarding the lock, I could hypothetically install a lock, but its the principle. It is something I need to feel comfortable. My husband doesn't care if the kids walk in on us. If he wants more sex, he should do it.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why this is a question. Children age 8 and 12 are obsessed with screens. Tell them you are very kindly letting them have exactly 30 minutes of screen time before XYZ next thing they need to do.

Have s-x during that 30 minutes.

I don't know any kids who don't become zombies on devices at this age. They don't hear anything. This answer is so easy and obvious. And i'm sure some PP is going to post "oh, heaven forbid, we try and be a low screen home, blah blah". But i promise you that the mental health benefits from you and your DH doing it three times a week outweighs any health benefits of your kid taking in 1.5 extra hours of screens every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why this is a question. Children age 8 and 12 are obsessed with screens. Tell them you are very kindly letting them have exactly 30 minutes of screen time before XYZ next thing they need to do.

Have s-x during that 30 minutes.

I don't know any kids who don't become zombies on devices at this age. They don't hear anything. This answer is so easy and obvious. And i'm sure some PP is going to post "oh, heaven forbid, we try and be a low screen home, blah blah". But i promise you that the mental health benefits from you and your DH doing it three times a week outweighs any health benefits of your kid taking in 1.5 extra hours of screens every week.

This. We have been doing this since kids were old enough to sit in a room by themselves watching a screen. Now they usually wear headphones watching a tablet, so even better. Usually weekend mornings or occasionally if we’re home from work early. I don’t wait for kids’ bedtime, that’s too late and I’m tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just... do it. You close and lock your door and you close the kids' doors once they fall asleep. If your kids have trouble falling asleep, do it in the middle of the night or early in the morning before they're up.

Or you put on some sort of engrossing movie for them and go upstairs with your husband for 15 minutes. They won't even notice that you're gone.

Or do it in the living room if you have to, or the basement if theres a sofa or bed there. Put up a motion lightbulb on the stairway or something to be alerted of one of the kids starts to come down the stairs.

Do you ever work from home? Does one of you start work after the kids leave for school? All you need is 15 minutes if you're in a rush.

Good luck.

15mins? Geez

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During the day. You don't need to take a full day off.

Why don't we have sex hotels in DC?

They do. It’s called dayuse.com and pretty inexpensive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shower sex.

Love shower sex!

This. Master bathroom is the furthest room away from the kids rooms and has a lock.

[Anonymous]

We have struggled with this as well. Kids are both teens now.

We both work from home on Fridays and with kids out the four by 8 we can sometimes fit it in make before diving into work.

When they were both in elementary school aftercare hosted a monthly movie night for kids and we would send them. Then we would come home and have the house to ourselves for a bit.

And yes we plan nights away where they stay with grandparents a few times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think couples in your position would try a white noise machine for yourselves and also for the kids' rooms. Or tell the kids you are watching a movie and turn it way up. And taking a day off together during the week.

But most of all, this is YOUR DH'S PROBLEM TO FIX. What is wrong with you that you don't understand that? Next time he brings it up, ask him what changes he plans to implement.

+1 we have three kids that age and they sleep right next door to us. They have a white noise machine that is pretty loud and go to sleep two hours before us. The first sleep cycle is very deep. We have sex twice per week. Tbh I am skeptical of people who blame sleeping children for not having sex. Taken literally, the children are used in order to not have sex. Asking on DCUM is a way of assuaging the guilty feeling (“I am seeking advice/doing something about it!”) so that later you can return to the status quo (“ah well I tried, but Larlo took guafacine late and anyway there are no locks on the door”).

[Anonymous]

Close doors. Ceiling fans. White noise machines. Get a better bed and make sure it is screwed together really tight and put it on a nice thick rug. Turn on the TV while you do it. Run the dryer while you do it. Have sex while the kids are at school. And so on.

Another thing people do that is no longer an option for you is only have as many kids as allows you to still have a reasonable amount of privacy in your home. You filled up your house with people and now that those people are older you're like "wait I have no privacy." Well some of us thought about that before having another kid. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think couples in your position would try a white noise machine for yourselves and also for the kids' rooms. Or tell the kids you are watching a movie and turn it way up. And taking a day off together during the week.

But most of all, this is YOUR DH'S PROBLEM TO FIX. What is wrong with you that you don't understand that? Next time he brings it up, ask him what changes he plans to implement.

+1 we have three kids that age and they sleep right next door to us. They have a white noise machine that is pretty loud and go to sleep two hours before us. The first sleep cycle is very deep. We have sex twice per week. Tbh I am skeptical of people who blame sleeping children for not having sex. Taken literally, the children are used in order to not have sex. Asking on DCUM is a way of assuaging the guilty feeling (“I am seeking advice/doing something about it!”) so that later you can return to the status quo (“ah well I tried, but Larlo took guafacine late and anyway there are no locks on the door”).

+2 We live in a small condo apartment and our kid doesn't even use a white noise machine and we still have sex and it's not an issue. We aren't particularly noisy but also are not totally silent. But if we check on our kid before we go to bed and she is totally out I don't really worry about it.

She does sleep with her door closed though (her preference and one we're okay with because of the size of the home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: all decent suggestions barring shower sex. Great in theory, in practice its like two seals slipping around an empty tank.

I had no clue that open doors were a fire hazard. GTK.

Regarding the lock, I could hypothetically install a lock, but its the principle. It is something I need to feel comfortable. My husband doesn't care if the kids walk in on us. If he wants more sex, he should do it.

.

Why? Are you not also part of this marriage? If you have decide he is just a roommate and you aren’t interested in him or sex then you need to tell him that so he doesn’t waste more time with some who doesn’t love him or eat him or find him attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Close doors. Ceiling fans. White noise machines. Get a better bed and make sure it is screwed together really tight and put it on a nice thick rug. Turn on the TV while you do it. Run the dryer while you do it. Have sex while the kids are at school. And so on.

Another thing people do that is no longer an option for you is only have as many kids as allows you to still have a reasonable amount of privacy in your home. You filled up your house with people and now that those people are older you're like "wait I have no privacy." Well some of us thought about that before having another kid. Sorry.

Hahaaaa pretending that you chose not to have more kids in order to preserve your privacy and sex life - sure Jan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: all decent suggestions barring shower sex. Great in theory, in practice its like two seals slipping around an empty tank.

I had no clue that open doors were a fire hazard. GTK.

Regarding the lock, I could hypothetically install a lock, but its the principle. It is something I need to feel comfortable. My husband doesn't care if the kids walk in on us. If he wants more sex, he should do it.

.

Why? Are you not also part of this marriage? If you have decide he is just a roommate and you aren’t interested in him or sex then you need to tell him that so he doesn’t waste more time with some who doesn’t love him or eat him or find him attractive.

I'm confused by this too. OP makes it sound like not having sex is not really a problem for her. Only for him.

[Anonymous]

Our kids both sleep with a Dohm noise machine and a closed door. Why do you have to sneak to the basement? Do you retire to your room as soon as you tuck the kids in? Why can’t you hook up in the basement or rec room before coming upstairs for bed?