Elementary kids, small house, how do couples have sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just gave up worrying about it. Remember that in prairie days people had one room cabins and still managed to have sex. People all over the world have sex in close quarters. And if our kids overhear? Well, at least they know their middle-aged parents still enjoy a healthy sex life.

Then again, I’m one of those mothers who gives her teen daughters vibrators.

In the prairie days women didn't have a way to decline.

On the prairie / on the farm kids knew early on how the young were conceived and born. DH loves re-telling his grandfather's stories of seeing the animals mate, then helping the animals who were having trouble birth-ing. He would pull out the calves, etc from their mothers. The grandfather said he knew early on if his momma would be having another baby soon. Those farm / prairie houses were tiny with no soundproofing.

They probably weren't doing their best to replicate porn scenes back then thus no real need for soundproofing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Can you use the basement as your bedroom? I know plenty of couples with kids who do this.

Importantly, why don't you mind that you are not having sex with your husband?

OP here: I "do", but its not so important to me that I would ever move into our gross basement or stay up until 1am to sneak down there on a Tuesday. it's just not a top-of-mind priority for me where I'm constantly trying to outsmart my kids to bang my husband in a shower/closet/backyard. I think my husband wished that were my mindset and the desire was so overwhelming that I would just HAVE to initiate and find a way, but he cares much more about regular sex. Apparently not enough to install a lock though, which would make me feel more comfortable and assuage my very real and confirmed fear of a bust-in, even if they did hear something.

[Anonymous]

This is why the Japanese have love motels!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Can you use the basement as your bedroom? I know plenty of couples with kids who do this.

Importantly, why don't you mind that you are not having sex with your husband?

OP here: I "do", but its not so important to me that I would ever move into our gross basement or stay up until 1am to sneak down there on a Tuesday. it's just not a top-of-mind priority for me where I'm constantly trying to outsmart my kids to bang my husband in a shower/closet/backyard. I think my husband wished that were my mindset and the desire was so overwhelming that I would just HAVE to initiate and find a way, but he cares much more about regular sex. Apparently not enough to install a lock though, which would make me feel more comfortable and assuage my very real and confirmed fear of a bust-in, even if they did hear something.

So you're both just testing each other and playing games. Got it.

[Anonymous]

these are all interesting ideas, especially the basement, but I wouldn’t even want to with the kids home. Just doesn’t feel sexy or fun. This is why we send them to summer camp for 8 weeks and otherwise try to find time here or there but I just can’t get into it knowing they’re one or two doorways over if if they’re sleeping.

[Anonymous]

I think the prairie day comparisons are really bad. It’s only in fairly modern time that we have been prioritizing women’s pleasure at all. It used to just be that the man would just need an outlet and the woman would comply. I really don’t think there was a lot of women getting oral back in the Prairie days, it seemed very functional to either get pregnant or get the man off.

Feel like women today, and rightly so, expect more and that’s why some of us have more trouble. I posted earlier that we just don’t like to have sex in our small house when our teens are in the house. I need a little time and I need to be able to relax a bit I’m not worried about being heard or interrupted. So yeah, we try to plan it a bit more and it means less frequency and less spontaneity but it works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the prairie day comparisons are really bad. It’s only in fairly modern time that we have been prioritizing women’s pleasure at all. It used to just be that the man would just need an outlet and the woman would comply. I really don’t think there was a lot of women getting oral back in the Prairie days, it seemed very functional to either get pregnant or get the man off.

Feel like women today, and rightly so, expect more and that’s why some of us have more trouble. I posted earlier that we just don’t like to have sex in our small house when our teens are in the house. I need a little time and I need to be able to relax a bit I’m not worried about being heard or interrupted. So yeah, we try to plan it a bit more and it means less frequency and less spontaneity but it works for us.

Yeah... no thanks.

[Anonymous]

My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

[Anonymous]

Safer, from the perspective of fire safety, for bedroom doors to be closed when people are sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Sex before kids wake up is better than waiting up for them to fall asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

I don't think most of the world has sex with their children in bed with them. I wouldn't even call that the norm in Japan as pp claims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

They are also having sex rarely.
https://www.yutaaoki.com/blog/japan-sex-statistics-by-sagami

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lives in Japan with a Japanese husband and the kids there generally sleep in the same BED with the parents and she's managed to conceive 3 times. I kind of asked for details and she acted like I was crazy "They're asleep of course."

This is how most of the world works. Only Americans have this particular mix of tacky vulgarity and miserable prudishness that is demonstrated so often on this board.

It’s funny how we take the opposite line of thinking here. I think having sex in bed with kids is beyond prudish. just as I pointed out upthread, I don’t think that’s prioritizing the woman’s pleasure. I think the man is getting off and actually finishing so they can conceive. Certainly serves a function. And he gets off. But I’m guessing that woman has never had an O in her life.

And I’m guessing there’s not a lot of intimacy or connection here.

it’s much less prudish to actually want the woman to have a good experience and to have the couple make a little effort to make that happen instead of just using her for a vessel for the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Can you use the basement as your bedroom? I know plenty of couples with kids who do this.

Importantly, why don't you mind that you are not having sex with your husband?

OP here: I "do", but its not so important to me that I would ever move into our gross basement or stay up until 1am to sneak down there on a Tuesday. it's just not a top-of-mind priority for me where I'm constantly trying to outsmart my kids to bang my husband in a shower/closet/backyard. I think my husband wished that were my mindset and the desire was so overwhelming that I would just HAVE to initiate and find a way, but he cares much more about regular sex. Apparently not enough to install a lock though, which would make me feel more comfortable and assuage my very real and confirmed fear of a bust-in, even if they did hear something.

Looks like your husband doesn’t really care much about sex either and is content making excuses.