This is tough....
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Anonymous
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My husband is several years older than I am. We had kids late, and got through it all very well. He was early 40s when they were born. However, on the other end of that is teens. Whoa, do I wish we had had them a couple of years earlier so we were done. (We could have; we just procrastinated.). Don’t underestimate the other side of it. If on top of our two he or we had a littler one, I think we would lose our minds.
I also know a family where the father did just what you are thinking of doing. I used to see them when my DC was still friends with one of the kids. He aged ten years that first year and looked perpetually stressed and unhappy. The first marriage kids were also upset and unhappy. Interestingly, the first wife looked the best, happiest, and least stressed out of all of them. |
Anonymous
No - you are crazy . And what if his older kids want to go to a private ? Or it’s not relevant anymore to OP? Is he ok adding the new wife to house title, losing part of pension, have another divorce in his 50s? |
Anonymous
The kids should go where the parents can afford. You are crazy. People can still get a descent education at a public college. Drop your elitist nonsense. I got my electrical engineering degree from Purdue University (you probably never heard of it and that's okay) and I do not believe that someone who went to say Stanford had a significantly better education. That bright student who sent to Stanford would have succeeded anywhere even if they had chosen not to attend college. So stop saying a child needs to have say $150k or even more saved for college. |
Anonymous
You make valid points. However these same issues you are raising people do not apply them to women. When it comes to remarrying or having more children post divorce on this forum for strange reasons it's always the men who are told to pause and think about it. |
Anonymous
No wonder colleges are increasing tuition yearly at an absurd rate with these kind of parents saying and accepting that $100k per year is normal age aye |
Anonymous
Interestingly, my child also goes to Purdue so I do know it. The tuition and living costs are close to 50k/year now for out of state. But I still think they would have done way better at Carnegie where they were accepted but rich dad made them decline the admission offer. It’s undeniable that exit salaries and connections are different from these schools. My priority would be my children |
Anonymous
I’m not saying it should be 100k per year but 100k in total is not much |
Anonymous
Would you honestly same the same about women? There are plenty of women on this forum who remarry and have kids OP's ages and I don't recall people telling them what you are telling OP. |
Anonymous
I am not the poster. My son went to Penn State over Carnegie Mellon due to cost. He got into a scholar program at Penn State. And I think it made a difference in terms of opportunities post graduation. We shouldn't normalize these crazy tuition rates it's really getting out of control. |
Anonymous
I agree and he should tell the exact same thing to his ex wife if she thinks about remarrying and blending families. He should tell her to think about him and their kids especially their kids. If she loves their kids she should put their interest first and not remarry. |
Anonymous
100k is more than enough. My son is a senior in college and 100k is what we had in 529. He will graduate next year from Virginia Tech with no debt. There will even be enough money left to pay for a masters. He started an internship this summer with Google. |
Anonymous
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This is one of those situations where it reads creepy as a post but the long term outcome in the real life situations I know matches the effort the dad puts into the older kids and keeping harmony. (So situation with tons of effort with the older kids seems to be going ok). However, most of these situations that I know, the Dad started much younger than OP. So I do think that OP is kidding himself on aging but the reality is so many people kid themselves on aging that OP wouldn’t be different.
But your comment that your GF is everything your wife is not is lame and lacks any kind of insight- that kind of things strikes me as the most problematic of all your statements. |
Anonymous
Last month I attended a wedding for a woman who was 48 with 2 kids. I believe they were 7 and 9. It was her second marriage. I don't know if the guy had kids nor do I know his age but he looks much younger. She probably had to wrestle with the same questions as you OP. I wish them luck that's all I can say. Some of the comments here have a hint of jealousy or mistrust not sure how to characterize it. But when people are saying you should focus on your current kids over your own happiness they will not put it the same way if you were the ex wife. It seems as if by default people assume when men remarry they will simply abandon and/or neglect their first kids. |
Anonymous
Look, if a 46 year-old woman who has been dating a guy for ONE MONTH comes on DCUM and wonders about maybe getting pregnant again closer to 50, I'm pretty sure people would react similarly. The only positive reactions I've seen on this site to women wondering if they should get pregnant in their 40s have been aimed at women who are already married and who really feel their family isn't complete yet, and who are ready to start trying immediately. Not women who thought they were done and then met a guy who wanted biological kids. To the OP: As for the "will you be a better dad?" questions, you might be for the earliest years, because you are more financially and emotionally stable presumably. But you also weren't a kid when your first set of kids were born so it might not be that much of an improvement. You need to think about the long hard slog that is parenting, though. Yes, you'd be in your early 50s for the infant/toddler years, but parenting doesn't stop after those years. Do you really want to be getting up at 4 am for swim practice in your 60s? Or giving up your entire weekend for baseball tournaments? Or driving carpool after closing curtain every night during tech week for the fall musical? Or jumping on a plane in your 70s because your young adult child is having a hard time in the dorms? |
Anonymous
| Lol this thread is confirmation that divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods and f***ked. Man the attacks on this guy just for saying he is willing to have another child wow |