SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of careers are actually "fun"?

Writers seem to enjoy their work. What else?

I work with scientists. Most of them really love their work.

Ok well most SAHMs are too old to go back to school to get a phd in science.

What else?

Scientists need support of good administrators. Places like NIH often offer a lot of flexibility in work schedules.

Although I'm guessing OP won't go back FT.

This is really boring though. I used to do this, wouldn't recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

I think this is just so depressing - the idea that as an adult who has been given the opportunity of an education you would have never had a gratifying or rewarding job and you think working has always sucked. (Before anyone jumps all over this, yes I understand there are people in the world with very little education and opportunity who have crappy jobs their whole lives just to survive. But that is not the demo of this response if you can afford not to work in the first place.)

I was a teacher in a past life. It pretty much sucked from day one.

I've never worked in an office. What do you like about it? Not being snarky, being serious. Looking at spreadsheets, etc. sounds pretty boring to me.

I worked in a deadline oriented office environment and for me it was the adrenaline rush that came from being under the gun, having things go wrong and troubleshooting them in time to meet a deadline. One mistake, one typo could wind up costing you a huge account.

Now? Eh, I'm too old for that sheet. But it was fun when I was doing it .

What did you do exactly? Was it interesting?

Data management

And, yes, it was interesting to me. My role was to serve as a liaison between departments and I was responsible for directly supervising order processing.

[Anonymous]

I am kind of loling at this person asking about jobs in here.

Most jobs are boring. Work is called work for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what the working moms are not getting is that the rich SAHMs don't want to go back to work if it's going to be boring or annoying. So no retail work. No entitled clients. No tedious paper work. What's the point of that?

What kinds of jobs are actually fun?

So far we have writing, design, and science.

I am a senior level manager in local government.

I don't know about "fun"? I find it rewarding, often intellectually stimulating. I enjoy coming to work every day. I'm part of creating a vision of where we're going and implementing it. I attend meetings, do a lot of writing, a fair amount of public speaking, brainstorming with colleagues, problem solving, etc. I get asked a lot to provide input and I give it, which feels good. I make decisions.

I don't understand these questions. I think some of you haven't had a job since you were pretty low-level? Jobs get a lot better when you move further along. Sure it's more responsibility, which has headaches. But yes, it's "fun" to develop an expertise in an area and then use it to move an organization forward and see the results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have arrived at a position in your life due to someone else's earningwhere you can choose what you WANT to do then by all means do what you WANT to do.

If you want to volunteer, volunteer. If you would prefer to flip burgers, flip burgers. If you want to binge watch Netflix, binge watch Netflix. while her husband continues to support her financially? are you high? sounds like a recipe for a wonderful marriage of equals If it was easy to get to where you are in life, everyone would do it. Be free, Op.

My guess is her husband is on board with her SAH. It's been to his benefit, too. It's not like she's some money sucking leech who came out of nowhere and latched on to his azz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what the working moms are not getting is that the rich SAHMs don't want to go back to work if it's going to be boring or annoying. So no retail work. No entitled clients. No tedious paper work. What's the point of that?

What kinds of jobs are actually fun?

So far we have writing, design, and science.

I am a senior level manager in local government.

I don't know about "fun"? I find it rewarding, often intellectually stimulating. I enjoy coming to work every day. I'm part of creating a vision of where we're going and implementing it. I attend meetings, do a lot of writing, a fair amount of public speaking, brainstorming with colleagues, problem solving, etc. I get asked a lot to provide input and I give it, which feels good. I make decisions.

I don't understand these questions. I think some of you haven't had a job since you were pretty low-level? Jobs get a lot better when you move further along. Sure it's more responsibility, which has headaches. But yes, it's "fun" to develop an expertise in an area and then use it to move an organization forward and see the results.

New Poster. I'm not that poster who asked the question but what I think she means is: would you do this job even if you didn't need the money? I.e. if you came into a significant windfall, would you keep working?

Sounds like you would, which is great. PP is looking for examples like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

Not even close to the norm, which you know.

I also don't understand these questions. Of course work is not enjoyable 100% of the time. I'm guessing your marriages aren't, your children aren't, your friendships aren't, etc. There is a VAST difference between cleaning toilets and McDonalds and having a job that is intellectually stimulating, makes the world better, allows equity in your marriage, allows you to use your education and set a good example for your children, etc. Like others here, I don't 'have' to work, but I enjoy it. I also don't expect it to be all butterflies and rainbows because.... life. I can't imagine sitting on my butt while my husband worked to provide. It blows my mind that people think that's any way to live (once kids are in school, that is.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

Wow, that's awesome! Good for you! What kind of sales if you don't mind me asking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what the working moms are not getting is that the rich SAHMs don't want to go back to work if it's going to be boring or annoying. So no retail work. No entitled clients. No tedious paper work. What's the point of that?

What kinds of jobs are actually fun?

So far we have writing, design, and science.

I am a senior level manager in local government.

I don't know about "fun"? I find it rewarding, often intellectually stimulating. I enjoy coming to work every day. I'm part of creating a vision of where we're going and implementing it. I attend meetings, do a lot of writing, a fair amount of public speaking, brainstorming with colleagues, problem solving, etc. I get asked a lot to provide input and I give it, which feels good. I make decisions.

I don't understand these questions. I think some of you haven't had a job since you were pretty low-level? Jobs get a lot better when you move further along. Sure it's more responsibility, which has headaches. But yes, it's "fun" to develop an expertise in an area and then use it to move an organization forward and see the results.

New Poster. I'm not that poster who asked the question but what I think she means is: would you do this job even if you didn't need the money? I.e. if you came into a significant windfall, would you keep working?

Sounds like you would, which is great. PP is looking for examples like that.

Yes, I would keep working. I like my job and feel good about it most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

Not even close to the norm, which you know.

I also don't understand these questions. Of course work is not enjoyable 100% of the time. I'm guessing your marriages aren't, your children aren't, your friendships aren't, etc. There is a VAST difference between cleaning toilets and McDonalds and having a job that is intellectually stimulating, makes the world better, allows equity in your marriage, allows you to use your education and set a good example for your children, etc. Like others here, I don't 'have' to work, but I enjoy it. I also don't expect it to be all butterflies and rainbows because.... life. I can't imagine sitting on my butt while my husband worked to provide. It blows my mind that people think that's any way to live (once kids are in school, that is.)

If I took an entry level office or retail job I would have very little flexibility in my schedule which would mean that dh would be on the hook to leave his demanding job to take a kid to the doctor or wait for the appliance repairman. If it makes sense for your family and you need more money - take the job and make more money. But if it would only add a level of unneeded stress to your lives continue to SAH. I have continually weighed the pros and cons of going back to work and thus far it has made more sense for me to SAH because it makes all of our lives easier.

[Anonymous]

Asset based lending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

Not even close to the norm, which you know.

I also don't understand these questions. Of course work is not enjoyable 100% of the time. I'm guessing your marriages aren't, your children aren't, your friendships aren't, etc. There is a VAST difference between cleaning toilets and McDonalds and having a job that is intellectually stimulating, makes the world better, allows equity in your marriage, allows you to use your education and set a good example for your children, etc. Like others here, I don't 'have' to work, but I enjoy it. I also don't expect it to be all butterflies and rainbows because.... life. I can't imagine sitting on my butt while my husband worked to provide. It blows my mind that people think that's any way to live (once kids are in school, that is.)

Why? It's not like their husbands care. Why should you?

I think the issue for these rich SAHMs is their lives are mostly butterflies and rainbows and the prospect of going back to work...isn't.

I'm not one of them btw but I'd love to say my daily life consists of reading, working out, watching tv, hanging with my kids and friends, like a PP mentioned. I mean, throw in some more hobbies and maybe volunteer activities and who wouldn't prefer that?

As far as jobs go, mine isn't bad (lawyer) but if I didn't need the money, I'd quit in a second.

[Anonymous]

PP, I wouldn't prefer it, because I'd like to do more with my life. YMMV. But don't pretend everyone would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

Not even close to the norm, which you know.

I also don't understand these questions. Of course work is not enjoyable 100% of the time. I'm guessing your marriages aren't, your children aren't, your friendships aren't, etc. There is a VAST difference between cleaning toilets and McDonalds and having a job that is intellectually stimulating, makes the world better, allows equity in your marriage, allows you to use your education and set a good example for your children, etc. Like others here, I don't 'have' to work, but I enjoy it. I also don't expect it to be all butterflies and rainbows because.... life. I can't imagine sitting on my butt while my husband worked to provide. It blows my mind that people think that's any way to live (once kids are in school, that is.)

If I took an entry level office or retail job I would have very little flexibility in my schedule which would mean that dh would be on the hook to leave his demanding job to take a kid to the doctor or wait for the appliance repairman. If it makes sense for your family and you need more money - take the job and make more money. But if it would only add a level of unneeded stress to your lives continue to SAH. I have continually weighed the pros and cons of going back to work and thus far it has made more sense for me to SAH because it makes all of our lives easier.

Yes, and this circles back to the original point.

Once you've been out of the workforce, your options often are not great. You likely won't have flexibility and you won't make enough money to have the inconvenience be worth it. The job you get at re-entry probably will be pretty boring.

However, that does not mean working is inherently boring for everyone. Many women have great jobs. It simply means you can't stop working for 10 years and think you're going to come back into the workforce and immediately have a great work situation. So options at that point are - suck it up for a while and claw your way back or don't work again. There's no door #3 where you get to have all the things.