SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

I am currently a 42yo SAHM of 3 kids. I have one in preschool and two in elementary. I have been home and out of the workforce for the last 5 years. My background is in finance/accounting so I have some skills that are employable. I am confident I can find a job but I expect pay will be low. I used to earn 200k before I stopped working. DH earns a seven figure income. He was earning high six when I stopped working. We do not need my income and I would need flexible hours. Next year I will have one kid in preschool, one in elementary and one in middle school.

I have always been the default parent. I took all the snow days, sick days, morning and evenings. We used to have a full time nanny plus preschool plus housekeeper who cooked for us and I couldn’t make it work. I felt burned out because despite having all this help, I never had a moment of rest.

Time off would be a huge adjustment if I went back to work. We travel every long weekend, school break and summer. I’m also very active at school- pta and room parent.

Would you try to go back to work if you were me?

I hope this does not become another mommy war thread. Looking for advice.

[Anonymous]

With a 7-figure HHI, no, I would not take a paying job.

[Anonymous]

I love being a working mom but in your situation I would just look for something freelance or maybe PT consulting. I would not fool with a FT job. DH makes less than seven figures but has a fair amount of flex so I'm not TOTALLY the default parent (though he does have the "bigger" job and I WFH a lot more, etc. so it just works out I tend to be more active at school etc.). If I got no help from him and everything fell on me, I'd probably not enjoy working so much. Also we only have two kids. I think it would be tough to be a default parent + FT job with THREE kids when you don't have to be!

[Anonymous]

Could you consider doing something part-time / project-based?

My mind has immediately skipped ahead to what you'll be doing when the kids are more independent and then when they're off to college. I would want to have something for myself. Something interesting/challenging that brings in some money.

I'd think about that vision of yourself in X years, and think about what you could be doing right now to work towards that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't in your case. Your lifestyle would have to adjust too much to accommodate work. Not more easy long weekend travel etc. not worth it if you don't need the income and are otherwise actively engaged (community and pta. Etc).

[Anonymous]

I would not go back to work full time but I would find something to do that was was meaningful but gave me the flexibility I needed. At one point my mother was in the same boat as you and after a couple of years on the board of a nonprofit she became the executive director. She loved the work and the flexibility it gave her and since it was very focused on youth drug prevention most of her schedule was tied to the school calendar. The job paid very little but she didn’t care because she got a lot out of it. She had an Ivy MBA and a successful career before deciding we were getting to be a real hand full and she wanted to be closer to home. I’m confident that the good work she did for the non profit was the most fulfilling of her career.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised at the consensus that she not go back to work. What if they divorce, as DCUM loves to point out that possibility to everyone?

[Anonymous]

Don't work, but don't just be a selfish person living for yourself and your family. Use the money and time you have to help others.

[Anonymous]

No, just volunteer with things that interest you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you consider doing something part-time / project-based?

My mind has immediately skipped ahead to what you'll be doing when the kids are more independent and then when they're off to college. I would want to have something for myself. Something interesting/challenging that brings in some money.

I'd think about that vision of yourself in X years, and think about what you could be doing right now to work towards that.

I’d be interested in some examples of this.

[Anonymous]

"We used to have a full time nanny plus preschool plus housekeeper who cooked for us and I couldn’t make it work. I felt burned out because despite having all this help, I never had a moment of rest."

Are you kidding? What is wrong with you???

I think you must be a troll because no sane person looking for answers would post this.

[Anonymous]

You missed the boat. I wouldn’t return to work. Years ago you should have continued working and not been the default parent despite your husband’s income. Now you have traditional gender roles that favor your husband and most likely can’t be changed. So you’re stuck as lady of the house. However this can’t be that bad.

[Anonymous]

If you're definitely going back, I'd do it sooner rather than later. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be (both the process of getting the "right" job as well as the adjustment process to working again).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at the consensus that she not go back to work. What if they divorce, as DCUM loves to point out that possibility to everyone?

If they divorce, she would get more child support and alimony than her job would ever pay. He makes 7 figures and they have 3 kids. This lady doesn’t need to worry about working as a divorce contingency.

[Anonymous]

I am a WOHM and there is no way I would go in to an office every day if my spouse made 7 figures. I'd love to spend more time with my kids and on being a great wife and friend and daughter and sister and even freaking hobbies.

And my DH would absolutely say the same thing. If I made seven figures he'd stay home in a heartbeat.