SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe anyone would say a house with income of 500k is the same as one with 1 million or more. That’s literally double the first household’s income! Of course it is dramatically different.

The point was that the SAHMs career options shouldn’t be that different. Wealthy educated men typically marry wealthy educated women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was sah, my DH’s income shot up and we bought several rental properties with the excess cash. I manage them now. It’s not a ton of daily work but it does make me feel good to know that I am taking something important off his plate. We’re looking to buy our fourth property in the next few months.

This is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

What good is an “elite” job if you have to quit to see your kids? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

You can't make it work with a full time nanny and housecleaner? You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

I stayed at home with kids for 7 yrs, went back to work, I'm now working a corporate job making $150k, with stable hours and am home by 4:30pm. I feel neither poor nor like I threw away my education -- I actually feel really lucky. People on here talking like $150k jobs in your 40s are some sort of failure have got to get out of their bubbles more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

If you made $200k straight out of school you must work in a finance field of some sorts (as apparently all your friends who wouldn't dream of working for $150k).
Do you realize that $150k is peak earnings for many fields? Do you realize that not everyone is in finance or makes finance level money? Could you maybe slip a toe out of your bubble?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

If you made $200k straight out of school you must work in a finance field of some sorts (as apparently all your friends who wouldn't dream of working for $150k).
Do you realize that $150k is peak earnings for many fields? Do you realize that not everyone is in finance or makes finance level money? Could you maybe slip a toe out of your bubble?

NP.

This whole conversation is taking place in a bubble. The OP is married to someone who makes over 1 million a year. That's a pretty big bubble. So I don't think these comments are unwarranted given the context.

It probably is true that 150k jobs are "beneath" OP when her husband earns 10x that or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

That’s great. I also worked in finance and made a similar salary. Unfortunately, your salary is now $0 so what good did it really do you? You slaved away making pitchbooks for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

That’s great. I also worked in finance and made a similar salary. Unfortunately, your salary is now $0 so what good did it really do you? You slaved away making pitchbooks for nothing.

Not nothing. Because at my household income DH brings that kind of inflexible job is not appealing, neither is a 150k job. So your attack is meaningless. I am trying to point out the smugness of the poster that places so much emphasis on how seniorship brings you flexibility and looking down on the SAHMs that enquire with her about flexible jobs. Turns out her situation isn’t even in the same ballpark as the OPs and her flexible job is a step down from those wealthy SAHMs used to have. Also if she didn’t work she won’t have even near the lifestyle the OP has. Also she keeps mentioning telework, so telework allows her to take her kids to school outings and do activities and doctors visits? I wonder whether her company knows she is doing that on their dime. If my DH didn’t make the kind of money he did maybe I’ll be still working 24/7 at my finance job, sorry you still have to.

[Anonymous]

Also talent is talent. That poster is going to have a conniption when a connected wealthy woman gets a flexible job with “gasp” 3 days of telework despite her lack of “seniority”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

That’s great. I also worked in finance and made a similar salary. Unfortunately, your salary is now $0 so what good did it really do you? You slaved away making pitchbooks for nothing.

Not nothing. Because at my household income DH brings that kind of inflexible job is not appealing, neither is a 150k job. So your attack is meaningless. I am trying to point out the smugness of the poster that places so much emphasis on how seniorship brings you flexibility and looking down on the SAHMs that enquire with her about flexible jobs. Turns out her situation isn’t even in the same ballpark as the OPs and her flexible job is a step down from those wealthy SAHMs used to have. Also if she didn’t work she won’t have even near the lifestyle the OP has. Also she keeps mentioning telework, so telework allows her to take her kids to school outings and do activities and doctors visits? I wonder whether her company knows she is doing that on their dime. If my DH didn’t make the kind of money he did maybe I’ll be still working 24/7 at my finance job, sorry you still have to.

Yikes. You’re very defensive about not having a career.

[Anonymous]

^^ Agree! Why the nasty comparisons of husband’s salary? Money is just money. 500k won’t make you any happier than 300k.

As a WOHM, I will say that SAHM of young kids is awesome and challenging and I wish I could have done it but I was afraid I’d lose my foothold in my career if I was out for 5+ years. (I managed through WFH, flexible hours, and tons of grandparent help). But I would never envy a SAHM of school-age kids, unless you have the equivalent of an unpaid FT job like serious volunteer work or SN to deal with. Otherwise it gives you too much free time to obsess about the little things, helicopter/snowplow/engineer your DCs social and academic lives, etc. Work is good, it keeps you busy and gives you bigger things to think about. It keeps you sharp too. I definitely see a difference in my mother’s generation between women who worked vs. didn’t in terms of their mental acuity.

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Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

So strange. I don’t own my own business and I have a ton of flexibility. It’s really not all that uncommon in the dc area. I don’t believe you made more than 300k in your first job and didn’t really follow the rest of your post. We don’t have a nanny because kids are in school and we both WFH so much. Of course we don’t make 7 figures, but also aren’t in a dilemma where one parent works all the fine and doesn’t parent and the other parent is wanting something else. Hence OP’s post. Shrug.

Your experience is not relevant to the OPs because both you and your husbands income combined does not equate to her household income from a sole income earner. At that point different household decisions are made.

300k while a nice sum of money means that for you to achieve an upper middle lifestyle you need to work. Also your job option making 150k while middle aged is not comparable to what some of these wealthy SAHMs careers were before they gave it up. So give up ragging on SAHMs for their perceived lack of flexible options when your own job would probably be considered a mommy tracked job. Another person could criticize you for not living up to your potential and getting a “mommy tracked” job. I earned nearly 200k out of school and my friends would never dream of middle management in their 40s only earning 150k. Even Vice Presidents get more than that. So your “flexibility” is because you don’t have one of those elite jobs. At the senior levels of these elite jobs they work constantly, even more than their juniors.

That’s great. I also worked in finance and made a similar salary. Unfortunately, your salary is now $0 so what good did it really do you? You slaved away making pitchbooks for nothing.

Not nothing. Because at my household income DH brings that kind of inflexible job is not appealing, neither is a 150k job. So your attack is meaningless. I am trying to point out the smugness of the poster that places so much emphasis on how seniorship brings you flexibility and looking down on the SAHMs that enquire with her about flexible jobs. Turns out her situation isn’t even in the same ballpark as the OPs and her flexible job is a step down from those wealthy SAHMs used to have. Also if she didn’t work she won’t have even near the lifestyle the OP has. Also she keeps mentioning telework, so telework allows her to take her kids to school outings and do activities and doctors visits? I wonder whether her company knows she is doing that on their dime. If my DH didn’t make the kind of money he did maybe I’ll be still working 24/7 at my finance job, sorry you still have to.

NP here. My company knows and is fine with that, and you know why? Because I’m a knowledge worker who doesn’t need to be chained at my desk all day. I can be away from my desk for an hour here or there when I don’t have meetings, and then make it up later if need be. As long as I get things done, it’s all good. I’m surprised you need this explained to you. Guess you’re out of touch with how the world operates.