SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

I would get a part-time job at a yoga studio or maybe a cafe I love. Or maybe a local bookstore.

[Anonymous]

Oh, getting here late and just read the first post, realizing that I was out my depth.

I went back to work for financial reasons - to increase our HHI from $80,000 to $130,000. Wish my guy could make good money so I could stay home longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am currently a 42yo SAHM of 3 kids. I have one in preschool and two in elementary. I have been home and out of the workforce for the last 5 years. My background is in finance/accounting so I have some skills that are employable. I am confident I can find a job but I expect pay will be low. I used to earn 200k before I stopped working. DH earns a seven figure income. He was earning high six when I stopped working. We do not need my income and I would need flexible hours. Next year I will have one kid in preschool, one in elementary and one in middle school.

I have always been the default parent. I took all the snow days, sick days, morning and evenings. We used to have a full time nanny plus preschool plus housekeeper who cooked for us and I couldn’t make it work. I felt burned out because despite having all this help, I never had a moment of rest.

Time off would be a huge adjustment if I went back to work. We travel every long weekend, school break and summer. I’m also very active at school- pta and room parent.

Would you try to go back to work if you were me?

I hope this does not become another mommy war thread. Looking for advice.

OP, I read this post and every single sentence makes it abundantly clear you do not want to go back to work. So why post this? What is really going on? Does your DH want you to go back to work? Do you feel bored at home? Are you worried for your future if the marriage doesn't work out?

I feel like if you share more what is motivating these thoughts to begin with, people might be able to offer more insight from their own experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love being a working mom but in your situation I would just look for something freelance or maybe PT consulting. I would not fool with a FT job

+1.

[Anonymous]

I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am currently a 42yo SAHM of 3 kids. I have one in preschool and two in elementary. I have been home and out of the workforce for the last 5 years. My background is in finance/accounting so I have some skills that are employable. I am confident I can find a job but I expect pay will be low. I used to earn 200k before I stopped working. DH earns a seven figure income. He was earning high six when I stopped working. We do not need my income and I would need flexible hours. Next year I will have one kid in preschool, one in elementary and one in middle school.

I have always been the default parent. I took all the snow days, sick days, morning and evenings. We used to have a full time nanny plus preschool plus housekeeper who cooked for us and I couldn’t make it work. I felt burned out because despite having all this help, I never had a moment of rest.

Time off would be a huge adjustment if I went back to work. We travel every long weekend, school break and summer. I’m also very active at school- pta and room parent.

Would you try to go back to work if you were me?

I hope this does not become another mommy war thread. Looking for advice.

OP, I read this post and every single sentence makes it abundantly clear you do not want to go back to work. So why post this? What is really going on? Does your DH want you to go back to work? Do you feel bored at home? Are you worried for your future if the marriage doesn't work out?

I feel like if you share more what is motivating these thoughts to begin with, people might be able to offer more insight from their own experiences.

Not OP, but The world (and specifically DCUM) tells you that you are worthless if you don’t have a job. “Why even GO to college!” And “studies show” kids with working moms are more successful, etc. I went back to work and hate it.

[Anonymous]

I don't like to be Sahm, but with 7 figure income from Dh, I would want to be Sahm with extra time spend on hobbies & take kids around activities. And I may go back to college part time for fun during kid school hours.

[Anonymous]

I understand the conflict, OP. I went back FT but my office is super flexible and I WAH a lot. One kid in HS and one in MS. They don't need me as much, although the evening driving to practices & games didn't get any easier. I had to give up the school volunteering though. I don't miss it. I make a bit over $100k and max out my 401k.

Suggest you have DH fund an IRA for you @ $5k annually - just as a little insurance for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

[Anonymous]

I had my first baby 40 years ago when I was 22. My last was born when I was 34. I went back to work part time when my youngest started middle school. I work about 20 hours a week at a yoga studio. Sometimes I teach classes. Sometimes I’m at the front desk. It is absolutely perfect. I’m 54. My kids are all grown and gone. I love my little part time job. It’s been the perfect arrangement for our family. And my DH makes $210,000. We’ve always made it work.

[Anonymous]

A part-time job at a nonprofit — or even better, serve on a few nonprofit boards. They benefit from people will financial creds.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest you list yourself at an hourly rate on o-desk or some other website and see if you can pick up any projects. You have skills and want to use them. Alternatively you could consult.

[Anonymous]

I also wouldn't go back to work, at least not full-time. At around the same age, I started volunteering for nonprofits and ended up serving on a number of boards and found it rewarding. Also, since you have a finance/accounting background, could you take over your family's portfolio? With that income, you should be building some serious wealth in joint accounts, outside of retirement accounts. Besides stocks/bonds, you could consider investing in a business or buying real estate as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you consider doing something part-time / project-based?

My mind has immediately skipped ahead to what you'll be doing when the kids are more independent and then when they're off to college. I would want to have something for myself. Something interesting/challenging that brings in some money.

I'd think about that vision of yourself in X years, and think about what you could be doing right now to work towards that.

I’d be interested in some examples of this.

I'm the PP. Currently I work full-time, but a few years ago I had to give up my job when DH took a job in another country. I arranged to continue working with my previous company on specific projects - 20 days here, 5 days there... Aside from a few key delivery days, I could pick my hours. It wasn't enough to make a living but it did keep me engaged.

A personal concern for me is that I don't want my husband's ability to earn to be the single point of failure for our family. At that time, I was earning considerably less than DH but I kept a foot in the door. And I could have secured a full-time job in the industry if necessary. I could keep our family comfortable, though not at the level of luxury we enjoyed due to DH's income.