Why doesn't my attractive daughter have any boys that like her?

[Anonymous]

OP your daughter is lucky! Boys are a waste of time at this age. They are a distraction. Tell her to focus on doing well in school, achieving goals in sports, and enjoying her friendships. Don't worry about boys right now, hold off on that for as long as possible.

[Anonymous]

You could mention to her that many children at her age are focused on other things than girls-- video games, sports, hanging out with their buddies. I am really stunned at this post. Your 14 year old girl-- is 14. What, is that 7th grade or 8th grade? Why would you even encourage this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bizarre thread. Just because a girl is attractive, boys should want to date her? Is it possible she is mean? Has annoying habits? Etc? There are many, many reasons a boy wouldn't want to date a girl.

She is extremely sweet but very shy. I also think it's possible some boys might be intimidated by her intelligence, which is a nauseating mom thing to say for sure, but I still think there could be some truth to that. But I assure you she is definitely not mean nor has any annoying habits.

She might be too "serious," but that doesn't help you with what to tell her.

Tough age. I didn't read the whole thread yet (sorry!) but how does/will she react to empathy (I know this sucks) and sort of philosophically that everyone will have their day/this just isn't the right time for her?

[Anonymous]

Just let her be, OP, please.

[Anonymous]

"OP your daughter is lucky! Boys are a waste of time at this age. They are a distraction. Tell her to focus on doing well in school, achieving goals in sports, and enjoying her friendships. Don't worry about boys right now, hold off on that for as long as possible."

If the world only worked this way.....

If DD was not shy, she might be able to fake this suggestion until things worked out.

But being shy, taking this route is likely to lead to a time when she is approached by a guy who has way more experience than she does and intentionally or not things do not end well in one way or another.

She needs to have small time interactions that will build up her confidence and resilience. I suggest she joins the math team or the cross country team or the HS play in the 9th grade.

If every activity that might mix guys and girls seems like a reach at this point, find a summer camp that will help solidify her skills in the desired activity.

She doesn't need to solve the problem at 14 but she does need to figure out a plan to work on it in a low key way. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she is 75 and grew up in the 50s

Nope 46 and grew up in the 80’s. And has the world really changed so much that most people would be unphased about not receiving any interest from the opposite sex when it feels to them as if everyone else does?

What your daughter is experiencing is totally normal for her age. It's part of the teenage experience! What's not normal is your desire to problem solve for her. Just don't become that mom that made the news for harassing college students to date her kid a few weeks ago.


For what it's worth, I used to lament quite dramatically that no guys liked me. Ask my diary!! lol But in fact, there were some guys here and there but I was completely uninterested in them so I conveniently left them out of my "woe is me" rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be thrilled. 14 is very young.

This. My DS is about to turn 14 and he isn't interested in girls (or boys) yet. I am happy about this. Sometimes kids need to learn that things won't always go their way. Teach her how to deal with it. It's a great life skill. She should be focused on school, her own female friends and extra curricular activities, not sitting around wondering why no boys like her. She's 14!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to start out by saying I am NOT a troll, because I know someone is going to accuse me of being one. But I have a 14 year old daughter who is attractive (but not intimidatingly so) that is very upset because as far as she is aware, no boys like her. She is at an age where a lot of her friends are coupling up, and she hears boys talking about liking other girls she is friends with and is upset that "no one likes her" I try to comfort her of course and tell her that she is young and will meet someone eventually, and that there are probably boys who do like her, but are too shy to say anything, but I have to admit, I also wonder why she is not getting any obvious attention from boys. I have a daughter in 7th grade who often hears about boys who have crushes on her, so I'm not really sure what to think, much less say to my older daughter about why she doesn't get the same attention.

I get it OP! My 19 yr old DD is stunning - by most people's standards/opinions. No boyfriend, and it's upsetting to her. Hasn't had a "boyfriend" in a few years actually.

I personally believe she is giving off a vibe that she is uninterested, and is just not aware that she's doing it.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the whole thread so maybe someone has mentioned this, but at 14 the interest seemed to be generated by the girls, not the boys. When my DS was 14, and really all through high school, the social interactions seemed to be generated mostly by the girls. They organized the homecoming outings, prom outings, etc. Yes there were promposal sorts of things done by boys but those seemed to be negotiated in advance by friends of the girl in question. My DS was not particularly shy, and was quite popular, but definitely more of the target than the initiator. It helped that he had tons of female friends. Hopefully your DD has some regular friendships with boys?

[Anonymous]

Possibly because you've taught her looks are the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

Please start having conversations around your house about what 14-year old *should* be interested in - and it's not boys. I have 14 year old and 16 year old daughters - both are attractive, smart, interesting, are loyal friends and have nice, loyal friends, sporty and active in extracurriculars. Their lives are very full with friends and with family, and boys haven't even crossed their radar screens. And we're not sitting around our house wondering why boys don't like them. I know you don't want your daughter to be sad, but help give her an alternative narrative other than figuring out why boys *don't* like her and having her obsess on how to fix that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"OP your daughter is lucky! Boys are a waste of time at this age. They are a distraction. Tell her to focus on doing well in school, achieving goals in sports, and enjoying her friendships. Don't worry about boys right now, hold off on that for as long as possible."

If the world only worked this way.....

If DD was not shy, she might be able to fake this suggestion until things worked out.

But being shy, taking this route is likely to lead to a time when she is approached by a guy who has way more experience than she does and intentionally or not things do not end well in one way or another.

She needs to have small time interactions that will build up her confidence and resilience. I suggest she joins the math team or the cross country team or the HS play in the 9th grade.

If every activity that might mix guys and girls seems like a reach at this point, find a summer camp that will help solidify her skills in the desired activity.

She doesn't need to solve the problem at 14 but she does need to figure out a plan to work on it in a low key way. Good luck

So boys are the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bizarre thread. Just because a girl is attractive, boys should want to date her? Is it possible she is mean? Has annoying habits? Etc? There are many, many reasons a boy wouldn't want to date a girl.

She is extremely sweet but very shy. I also think it's possible some boys might be intimidated by her intelligence, which is a nauseating mom thing to say for sure, but I still think there could be some truth to that. But I assure you she is definitely not mean nor has any annoying habits.

I don't think it has anything to do with meanness or annoying habits either. I think shy girls tend to get ignored.
DS and his friends seem to be intrigued by the assertive, outspoken girls. They tend to excel in class, sports, singing or something else that gets them noticed. You might not think these girls are "attractive" compared to your child in the traditional sense but they stand out.
I know it's difficult for her at this age but you need to help your daughter not measure her worth by how much attention she gets from boys. That will give her terrible insecurities going forward in life.

[Anonymous]

She needs more casual organic interactions with boys for this to happen. Boys have low self esteem too. If they aren't sure if they will be rejected and they don't know her as a friend, HS guys will not put themselves out there like that. If this is important to her, she can be more outgoing or interact more with boys so it can turn into something. I have always talked about owning your life and going after things my kids want. If they want something, they need to make it happen. I usually say that in terms of academic or sports goals, but it applies to romance too. So, if your daughter likes someone, she should be more assertive and social. But if it's just a general, wah, no one likes me, you need to redirect her, because that is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

OMG. She is 14? Probably in 8th or 9th grade. Why the hurry to push her into dating and boys? Develop her EC interests and make her academically strong so that eventually she has a good career and can stand on her own two feet. She will find a suitable person later when she makes something of her life.

It is pretty creepy that you are worried about this aspect of her life at such a young age. Dial down because you are not doing her a favor. If the aim is that one day she will get married and have kids and a family, having a good career and good health is more important to get to that, rather than becoming boy obsessed as a teen.