Why doesn't my attractive daughter have any boys that like her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at that age most of the boys are not interested in dating, and are still a few years behind in maturity compared to the girls of the same age .

The vast majority of 14 year old boys are extremely interested in girls. Sheesh people, where did you all grow up?

I have boys and at 14....not so much. Video Games...sure.

Good grief. The vast majority of 14 yr old boys are NOT extremely interested in girls. Not only am I the mother of three boys, the youngest now 14, I am also an 8th grade teacher. So around a lot of 14 yr olds. Girls tend to be significantly more interested in boys at this age than vice versa. I'd say roughly half or more of the girls vs maybe 25% of the boys. It's rare for any of them to be allowed to date as far as I can tell. Certainly mine would not have been allowed to had they ever shown any interest at that age.

Totally agree. I have several boys, and at 14, none of them liked girls unless the girls would play video games with them, and then they only liked them for their mad skilz. LOL!

My 14-year-old is totally into girls. Has been for about 2 years, although he's pretty shy about it. He also hit puberty very early and currently looks the same age as his 19-year-old brother, so maybe that has something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a son, not a daughter, but I am a high school teacher, and I would NOT want a daughter (or son) dating at 14.

Encourage her to focus on a hobby or extracurricular. Encourage her to find friends who HAVE hobbies and interests other than boys. The kids who are going places have other things going on in 8/9th grade, and they date later.

+1

Why in the name of Sam Hill do people assume that teens that show interest in dating don’t have hobbies or interests? When I was 14 it was extremely common for kids to “go with” each other. We didn’t generally actually go anywhere together, but the kids were generally recognized as a “couple”, although it was typically rather innocent. Has the world really changed so much that teens are so involved with their extracurricular activities that they no longer express interest in the opposite sex?

1. You didn't read very carefully. The advice applies to young teens, not teens in general.

2. Nobody on this thread said that teens who are involved in extracurriculars "no longer express interest in the opposite sex." However, based upon my observations of well over 1000 13-14 year olds, kids in that age gap who are involved in extracurriculars AT THAT AGE are not the kids who are already "dating." And they are the kids who are going places. They will date later on, when they are older, and they will continue to be involved in extracurriculars at the same time. But to a great extent, intense interest and involvement in dating in 8-9th grade does generally signal a different sort of trajectory for the later years.

There is a big difference between 13-14 year olds dating, and older teens dating.

[Anonymous]

Why are you pushing your child into romantic relationships? Back off. Let her be.

Instead, send the message that she doesn't need to partner up in order to be a whole person. Teach her to stand on her own two feet so she is strong enough to walk away from a bad relationship someday. Don't make her feel like there's something wrong with her. Praise her for what she does well.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry OP, boys will discover her in college.

It's possible she's smart and in high school that is usually not of interest to boys, as I found out. Or being taller than the boys is not of interest to them.

Encourage hobbies and clubs and don't worry about dating. And, help her when she feels sad. I remember those days well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 DD is gorgeous and brilliant and has not really had a boyfriend. I think she intimidates the boys. I look forward to her meeting some more confident boys in college. Also I believe she is not into sex or drugs/drinking which impacts her popularity.

Wow, there is an astounding amount of delusion in your post.

I am not that pp, but they sound spot on. High school boys are typically not into girls smarter than they are. And, if she's not into the party scene or having sex early, that's something else that kills high school boy interest. She will do well in college and dating in college.

[Anonymous]

Because she is a nervous wreck given that her mother is nuts?

[Anonymous]

My lovely daughter had no dates until college. You really should contain your anxiety, or risk fueling hers.

[Anonymous]

Comment from my 16-year-old - she should be glad that there aren't any creepy guys who like her, because that's worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she is 75 and grew up in the 50s

Nope 46 and grew up in the 80’s. And has the world really changed so much that most people would be unphased about not receiving any interest from the opposite sex when it feels to them as if everyone else does?

Yes, OP, the world has changed. Nowadays, most parents go to great lengths to make sure their daughter's know that attention from boys is not necessary to feel good about themselves. It appears you didn't get the memo.

Really, well at what age does this end? Are adults who barely get attention from the opposite sex supposed to feel a-ok about it as well? Geesh, normal people who have reached the stage where they are interested in the opposite sex are obviously going to feel hurt if they feel that they are not of interest to them. This is pretty damn normal and it would take a rather remarkable person to not feel angst about an inability to attract a romantic partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have no idea why. Maybe your daughter comes off snobby, or maybe 14 yr old boys aren't into girls yet. Or maybe a hundred other things.

But she's only 14. If she needs boys to like her to feel good about herself then she needs to work on her self esteem.

My daughter didn't date at all in high school. She took a gay guy friend to her prom. She just didn't want to date. She's now in law school and has dated since college.

Let your kid go at her own pace.

Out of curiosity would you say the same thing if she had trouble making friends with other girls? That if it bothered her, it would be abnormal and she would need to work on her self esteem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to start out by saying I am NOT a troll, because I know someone is going to accuse me of being one. But I have a 14 year old daughter who is attractive (but not intimidatingly so) that is very upset because as far as she is aware, no boys like her. She is at an age where a lot of her friends are coupling up, and she hears boys talking about liking other girls she is friends with and is upset that "no one likes her" I try to comfort her of course and tell her that she is young and will meet someone eventually, and that there are probably boys who do like her, but are too shy to say anything, but I have to admit, I also wonder why she is not getting any obvious attention from boys. I have a daughter in 7th grade who often hears about boys who have crushes on her, so I'm not really sure what to think, much less say to my older daughter about why she doesn't get the
same attention.

Serious question, then why lead with such a trollish sounding subject? You could have simply said, "DD is upset that no boys like her" or something similar. Seems like you knew your subject sounded crazy, thus the very first line in your post proclaiming not to be a troll.

To get attention, plus in all honesty to provide a bit of entertainment to the DCUM community - although the question itself is legit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Really, well at what age does this end? Are adults who barely get attention from the opposite sex supposed to feel a-ok about it as well? Geesh, normal people who have reached the stage where they are interested in the opposite sex are obviously going to feel hurt if they feel that they are not of interest to them. This is pretty damn normal and it would take a rather remarkable person to not feel angst about an inability to attract a romantic partner.

At age 14?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a son, not a daughter, but I am a high school teacher, and I would NOT want a daughter (or son) dating at 14.

Encourage her to focus on a hobby or extracurricular. Encourage her to find friends who HAVE hobbies and interests other than boys. The kids who are going places have other things going on in 8/9th grade, and they date later.

+1

Why in the name of Sam Hill do people assume that teens that show interest in dating don’t have hobbies or interests? When I was 14 it was extremely common for kids to “go with” each other. We didn’t generally actually go anywhere together, but the kids were generally recognized as a “couple”, although it was typically rather innocent. Has the world really changed so much that teens are so involved with their extracurricular activities that they no longer express interest in the opposite sex?

1. You didn't read very carefully. The advice applies to young teens, not teens in general.

2. Nobody on this thread said that teens who are involved in extracurriculars "no longer express interest in the opposite sex." However, based upon my observations of well over 1000 13-14 year olds, kids in that age gap who are involved in extracurriculars AT THAT AGE are not the kids who are already "dating." And they are the kids who are going places. They will date later on, when they are older, and they will continue to be involved in extracurriculars at the same time. But to a great extent, intense interest and involvement in dating in 8-9th grade does generally signal a different sort of trajectory for the later years.

There is a big difference between 13-14 year olds dating, and older teens dating.

You do realize that 13-14 year old who "date" aren't really going anywhere, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Why are you pushing your child into romantic relationships? Back off. Let her be. [/b]

Instead, send the message that she doesn't need to partner up in order to be a whole person. Teach her to stand on her own two feet so she is strong enough to walk away from a bad relationship someday. Don't make her feel like there's something wrong with her. Praise her for what she does well.

Way to read something into a post that wasn't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Really, well at what age does this end? Are adults who barely get attention from the opposite sex supposed to feel a-ok about it as well? Geesh, normal people who have reached the stage where they are interested in the opposite sex are obviously going to feel hurt if they feel that they are not of interest to them. This is pretty damn normal and it would take a rather remarkable person to not feel angst about an inability to attract a romantic partner.

At age 14?

But age 14 some people are well into puberty, and have developed a strong interest in the opposite sex.