Why doesn't my attractive daughter have any boys that like her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 17 DD is gorgeous and brilliant and has not really had a boyfriend. I think she intimidates the boys. I look forward to her meeting some more confident boys in college. Also I believe she is not into sex or drugs/drinking which impacts her popularity.

Wow, there is an astounding amount of delusion in your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at that age most of the boys are not interested in dating, and are still a few years behind in maturity compared to the girls of the same age .

The vast majority of 14 year old boys are extremely interested in girls. Sheesh people, where did you all grow up?

I have boys and at 14....not so much. Video Games...sure.

Good grief. The vast majority of 14 yr old boys are NOT extremely interested in girls. Not only am I the mother of three boys, the youngest now 14, I am also an 8th grade teacher. So around a lot of 14 yr olds. Girls tend to be significantly more interested in boys at this age than vice versa. I'd say roughly half or more of the girls vs maybe 25% of the boys. It's rare for any of them to be allowed to date as far as I can tell. Certainly mine would not have been allowed to had they ever shown any interest at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a son, not a daughter, but I am a high school teacher, and I would NOT want a daughter (or son) dating at 14.

Encourage her to focus on a hobby or extracurricular. Encourage her to find friends who HAVE hobbies and interests other than boys. The kids who are going places have other things going on in 8/9th grade, and they date later.

+1

Why in the name of Sam Hill do people assume that teens that show interest in dating don’t have hobbies or interests? When I was 14 it was extremely common for kids to “go with” each other. We didn’t generally actually go anywhere together, but the kids were generally recognized as a “couple”, although it was typically rather innocent. Has the world really changed so much that teens are so involved with their extracurricular activities that they no longer express interest in the opposite sex?

[Anonymous]

We have no idea why. Maybe your daughter comes off snobby, or maybe 14 yr old boys aren't into girls yet. Or maybe a hundred other things.

But she's only 14. If she needs boys to like her to feel good about herself then she needs to work on her self esteem.

My daughter didn't date at all in high school. She took a gay guy friend to her prom. She just didn't want to date. She's now in law school and has dated since college.

Let your kid go at her own pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have no idea why. Maybe your daughter comes off snobby, or maybe 14 yr old boys aren't into girls yet. Or maybe a hundred other things.

But she's only 14. If she needs boys to like her to feel good about herself then she needs to work on her self esteem.

My daughter didn't date at all in high school. She took a gay guy friend to her prom. She just didn't want to date. She's now in law school and has dated since college.

Let your kid go at her own pace.

You don’t seem to get it. The kids not going at the pace that she wants to go at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at that age most of the boys are not interested in dating, and are still a few years behind in maturity compared to the girls of the same age .

The vast majority of 14 year old boys are extremely interested in girls. Sheesh people, where did you all grow up?

I have boys and at 14....not so much. Video Games...sure.

Good grief. The vast majority of 14 yr old boys are NOT extremely interested in girls. Not only am I the mother of three boys, the youngest now 14, I am also an 8th grade teacher. So around a lot of 14 yr olds. Girls tend to be significantly more interested in boys at this age than vice versa. I'd say roughly half or more of the girls vs maybe 25% of the boys. It's rare for any of them to be allowed to date as far as I can tell. Certainly mine would not have been allowed to had they ever shown any interest at that age.

Totally agree. I have several boys, and at 14, none of them liked girls unless the girls would play video games with them, and then they only liked them for their mad skilz. LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 DD is gorgeous and brilliant and has not really had a boyfriend. I think she intimidates the boys. I look forward to her meeting some more confident boys in college. Also I believe she is not into sex or drugs/drinking which impacts her popularity.

Wow, there is an astounding amount of delusion in your post.

Eh, I don't know. I know a lot or late bloomers that fit this mold. Maybe not that they all intimidated boys but that weren't the hot girl until maybe senior year and so her interests and friend group just continued on the same, plenty of groups of kids feel just under the radar enough to not be into parties with the say 100 most popular kids, those kids hang with their own groups. Some are into sex and drugs but many are just kind of coasting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 17 DD is gorgeous and brilliant and has not really had a boyfriend. I think she intimidates the boys. I look forward to her meeting some more confident boys in college. Also I believe she is not into sex or drugs/drinking which impacts her popularity.

Wow, there is an astounding amount of delusion in your post.

The post seemed reasonable to me. The delusional one is the person who is trying to put down a 17 year old by calling her parent names

[Anonymous]

She is 14. For heaven’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have no idea why. Maybe your daughter comes off snobby, or maybe 14 yr old boys aren't into girls yet. Or maybe a hundred other things.

But she's only 14. If she needs boys to like her to feel good about herself then she needs to work on her self esteem.

My daughter didn't date at all in high school. She took a gay guy friend to her prom. She just didn't want to date. She's now in law school and has dated since college.

Let your kid go at her own pace.

You don’t seem to get it. The kids not going at the pace that she wants to go at.

She wants to date boys? Then she needs to be more assertive, and probably with boys who are older than she is. But this is something the girl needs to figure out on her own, not get told by her mother.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not sure why people are being so harsh. Anonymous forums are the place to ask slightly crazy questions that you wouldn't want to ask a friend directly, so I think your question makes sense.

I have a daughter like yours. Quite attractive. Very sweet. Doesn't get interest from boys. I too didn't get interest from boys. The only time I got much interest, in fact, is when I decided I needed to get married and then was much more bold and flirtatious and showed that I was interested. Suddenly, I was getting asked out. So I think that, especially at your DD's age, it has a lot to do with personality, not about attractiveness. And not a good personality vs. a bad personality, but a personality that boys find approachable, or a personality where the girl is the aggressor. I could never have done that, nor does my kid do that. My DH told our DD that he would never have had the courage to ask someone like her out -- because she's quiet and smart and so he wouldn't have known where he stood with her. That seemed to make her feel good. He said it in a casual way, when we were just generally talking about other matters or maybe his high school life. Hope this give you some ideas about how to make her feel better if she wants to talk with you about it. She is not alone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she is 75 and grew up in the 50s

Nope 46 and grew up in the 80’s. And has the world really changed so much that most people would be unphased about not receiving any interest from the opposite sex when it feels to them as if everyone else does?

Yes, OP, the world has changed. Nowadays, most parents go to great lengths to make sure their daughter's know that attention from boys is not necessary to feel good about themselves. It appears you didn't get the memo.

[Anonymous]

I also thought boys didn't like me from about age 13-17 but looking back I quickly realized there were tons of guys that really liked me quite a lot. Good lord, the signatures in my yearbooks should've tipped me off if nothing else! Problem was, they weren't the boys I wanted. I have always liked the ones I can't have because otherwise how will I work through the issues I have with my parents? haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to start out by saying I am NOT a troll, because I know someone is going to accuse me of being one. But I have a 14 year old daughter who is attractive (but not intimidatingly so) that is very upset because as far as she is aware, no boys like her. She is at an age where a lot of her friends are coupling up, and she hears boys talking about liking other girls she is friends with and is upset that "no one likes her" I try to comfort her of course and tell her that she is young and will meet someone eventually, and that there are probably boys who do like her, but are too shy to say anything, but I have to admit, I also wonder why she is not getting any obvious attention from boys. I have a daughter in 7th grade who often hears about boys who have crushes on her, so I'm not really sure what to think, much less say to my older daughter about why she doesn't get the
same attention.

Serious question, then why lead with such a trollish sounding subject? You could have simply said, "DD is upset that no boys like her" or something similar. Seems like you knew your subject sounded crazy, thus the very first line in your post proclaiming not to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest thing to worry about.

+1