Everyone around me has 3 kids....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a third have one. The spacing and timing could be perfect. No ship has sailed

Agree you can have another if you want, it isn’t too late. But as several PPs have said, 3 is HARD. Especially as the older two enter late elementary and tween years on up. The sports, activities, homework, unique school/learning needs. friends, staying on top of all their everything, the massive amounts of food required; it is a lot of mentally energy and physical time. And doing all that oh plus you have a 5 yr old.. in a totally different stage of development with all that that requires is a lot.

It is a whole lot easier if you have local family the youngest can stay with when you have all day swim meets or tournaments or you are a taxiing one kid to piano and the other kid to the orthodontist.

If it is just you and DH doing the work and you are not likely to hire a nanny, just be forewarned, your marriage will be stressed.

All this!!! I thought three was a breeze until the kids got older. Now it’s much harder and stressful if I really want to do it well and meet each of their needs fully. The poor 3rd kid is dragged to so much.

I’m a 4th kid that was “dragged” to a lot. Should my parents not have had me? Lol. There are much worse things in life than going food shopping, waiting in the car for school pick ups, and doing homework while your siblings take tennis lessons etc. It’s one downside of a smaller family, I guess, but the upside is the fun of having multiple siblings for life. I say this as a parent of two - I’m not sure I can handle a third as a parent - but the 3rd kid will be just fine if getting “dragged” places is the worst part of their childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a third have one. The spacing and timing could be perfect. No ship has sailed

Agree you can have another if you want, it isn’t too late. But as several PPs have said, 3 is HARD. Especially as the older two enter late elementary and tween years on up. The sports, activities, homework, unique school/learning needs. friends, staying on top of all their everything, the massive amounts of food required; it is a lot of mentally energy and physical time. And doing all that oh plus you have a 5 yr old.. in a totally different stage of development with all that that requires is a lot.

It is a whole lot easier if you have local family the youngest can stay with when you have all day swim meets or tournaments or you are a taxiing one kid to piano and the other kid to the orthodontist.

If it is just you and DH doing the work and you are not likely to hire a nanny, just be forewarned, your marriage will be stressed.

All this!!! I thought three was a breeze until the kids got older. Now it’s much harder and stressful if I really want to do it well and meet each of their needs fully. The poor 3rd kid is dragged to so much.

I’m a 4th kid that was “dragged” to a lot. Should my parents not have had me? Lol. There are much worse things in life than going food shopping, waiting in the car for school pick ups, and doing homework while your siblings take tennis lessons etc. It’s one downside of a smaller family, I guess, but the upside is the fun of having multiple siblings for life. I say this as a parent of two - I’m not sure I can handle a third as a parent - but the 3rd kid will be just fine if getting “dragged” places is the worst part of their childhood.

If it didn’t bother you, then no big deal. My sibling who was the youngest still talks about being dragged everywhere for older siblings, and how she never got to do as many of her own activities as us etc etc. She felt like her needs were second fiddle to older siblings who never were forced to go to her stuff. Not saying you shouldn’t have a bigger family because of this but it’s not not a big deal for all kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

Are you kidding? You can’t seriously not know some people want a certain sex. I wanted a girl. Some girl parents may want a boy.

Of course many people have preferences for a girl or a boy when they are pregnant. But to solely go for a 3rd child only because you want a specific sex not because you have any actual interest in having a 3rd child otherwise is very different.

OP would have loved her child regardless of the sex. Maybe they "went for" a girl and got a girl, but she would have loved her third child if she got a boy. I am a case in point. We have two amazing girls and we went for a third hoping for a boy. And we found out that we are having a girl (I'm pregnant now with girl #3). Were we disappointed? Yes and no. We are sad that we are not going to have a boy (3 is our limit) and experience that situation but we are also happy that we are by all accounts having a healthy girl and we will love her as much as a boy. People have gender preferences and that's OK. There is no reason to make people feel bad about how they feel. Someone can be both happy about something and disappointed that something else is not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an only child (secondary infertility) and after 5 years of trying to have a second, we are trying to accept having just one child. We are pretty much the only ones we know with an only. Nearly everyone in my son's preschool has 3, all my co-workers have 3, and nearly all of DH's co-workers have 3-4. I feel like the odd one out, especially since I did so much infertility treatment and nothing worked.

Growing up in the 80s, most of my friends were only children, and a few families had 2 kids. I didn't know any families with 3 kids, it seemed like smaller families were more common.

Today nearly everyone I know has 3. I envy them a lot, I wish I could have one more child. We're out in Sterling where it's much more common to have 3 + kids.

But the part that bothers me the most is that when I post beautiful family photos of the 3 of us, no one has ever said that I have a "beautiful family" and all my friends' with 2-3 kids get that comment all the time. Not once has anyone ever said that to me, and that makes me feel sad and inadequate. Is my family not "adequate" because I just have one? The "beautiful family" comment seems to be reserved for larger families only.

Are you sure no one has ever referred to your family as beautiful? Perhaps you are just overly sensitive because of your secondary infertility? We are three (DD, DH, and myself) and have certainly been told we are a beautiful family.

Yeah, I would wonder the same thing. We got that comment all the time when it was just us and my oldest daughter. I don't think anyone assumes that only having one child means that your family is incomplete or less than.

[Anonymous]

Putting aside this is an old thread (which appears to still be very relevant), I will say reading this, especially about how the dynamic changes as the kids get older, makes me feel so happy about my decision to stop at two. Contrasting it with what life with 3 kids would be like makes me feel I should enjoy this luxury.

We had 2 boys, so many people told us to go for a third to get a girl. What? Even if that's what we wanted, and even if you could guarantee me it would be a girl, I would not do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

Are you kidding? You can’t seriously not know some people want a certain sex. I wanted a girl. Some girl parents may want a boy.

Of course many people have preferences for a girl or a boy when they are pregnant. But to solely go for a 3rd child only because you want a specific sex not because you have any actual interest in having a 3rd child otherwise is very different.

OP would have loved her child regardless of the sex. Maybe they "went for" a girl and got a girl, but she would have loved her third child if she got a boy. I am a case in point. We have two amazing girls and we went for a third hoping for a boy. And we found out that we are having a girl (I'm pregnant now with girl #3). Were we disappointed? Yes and no. We are sad that we are not going to have a boy (3 is our limit) and experience that situation but we are also happy that we are by all accounts having a healthy girl and we will love her as much as a boy. People have gender preferences and that's OK. There is no reason to make people feel bad about how they feel. Someone can be both happy about something and disappointed that something else is not going to happen.

I had two girls and desperately wanted a third girl. We got a boy and I was a bit disappointed to be honest. That boy is now 4 and I love him to pieces! I love that we get to parent a boy and see his relationship with us parents and sisters being so different. I am so happy he was a boy! At the same time, I am sure my third daughter would have been just as awesome and would have gotten along probably more easily with her sisters, etc.
I think in the end it’s a different person and It’s cool and exciting because it’s a completely different experience. Even my two daughters could not have been more different and yet they get along super well.

Congrats on your girl! Girls are awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

Are you kidding? You can’t seriously not know some people want a certain sex. I wanted a girl. Some girl parents may want a boy.

This. I wanted girls. Thankfully both our DCs are girls, and they are great children. If I had had 2 boys, I would have probably gone for a third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

+1

I have 3 kids (first 2 are close in age and then a 5 year gap until #3). Getting the older 2 to their activities is just logistics. When my first two were baby/toddler age it was way more exhausting. And the third kid is a toddler now and keeping her from constantly getting into stuff, dealing with meltdowns, etc. it way more tiring than setting up a car pool or buying the right sports equipment. I’m fairly type A/organized and find scheduling/planning so much easier than the unpredictability of young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

OMG I would die if I had 3 kids. Seriously. The logistics of having 3 is even hard. I mean - I can't imagine paying for another person travelling - accommodations, flights, seats, it's so hard to plan for 5 v 4 people. And the time it takes to get a kid to an age where you can sleep! The money it takes to get them through school to college. I had a nanny and a back-up nanny when my kids are young because I work. Clearly, I am not natural mom material LOL

I had a lot of motivation to have 1+ kids - I'm an only child and had a very very lonely and disfunctional family. My kids have no cousins and I really wanted to do at least 2 kids so they have each other. 3-4 would have been better but 2 is pushing it for us. It is so hard. I suppose if you have all the money and energy in the world, it's a whole lot easier. I suppose if you are really easy going and are lucky enough to have really easy perfect kids, having a few is not a big deal. For me, I hated every millisecond of pregnancy and I am not into infant phase. I much prefer being able to have a conversation with my kids now that they are MS aged.

We are surrounded by families with 3 kids as well and I say - good luck to them all. I absolutely think 2 is enough but I also get families who try for a 3rd for an opposite gender I was lucky enough to have a DD and a DS. I say to people who want 3 kids and can't have 3 - get a dog!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

+1

I have 3 kids (first 2 are close in age and then a 5 year gap until #3). Getting the older 2 to their activities is just logistics. When my first two were baby/toddler age it was way more exhausting. And the third kid is a toddler now and keeping her from constantly getting into stuff, dealing with meltdowns, etc. it way more tiring than setting up a car pool or buying the right sports equipment. I’m fairly type A/organized and find scheduling/planning so much easier than the unpredictability of young kids.

I think it varies from person to person. I found the early years with 3 much easier. Sure there were tantrums, sleeplless nights, nonstop on the go, but I really didn’t find any of that stressful or over the top exhausting. It’s the preteen and teen years that are hard. Meeting their various needs can be tough, and it feels like so much is more on the line to get it right these days especially when considering your child’s mental health. Sure the million activities is annoying to deal with but that’s not the part I find mentally exhausting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

Just…no.

It’s great if things are going smoothly for you, but the puberty and teen years can be VERY rough for some families, although not all, and no it’s not just an issue for those with special needs. The issues those years of development can bring up ranging from anger management to sexuality to truancy to avoiding alcohol/drug exploration can be a roller coaster in ways that multiple diaper changes and tree climbing aren’t. For some families, the younger years truly were easier and for others, they weren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want a third have one. The spacing and timing could be perfect. No ship has sailed

Curious if OP did - would love an update all these years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

I know many families of 2 kids (far too many to count) where the parents are not “giving each child their all”. Some parents just prioritize themselves and their jobs no matter how many kids they have.

+1 just depends on the individual people and what they are capable of / what choices they make. Plenty of people are not cut out to have more than 1 or 2 kids, and that’s fine. But 3 is great and fun and very doable, if you are the kind of person who WANTS to parent 3 kids

[Anonymous]

OP, I am 1 and done -- imagine how much of a weirdo I feel!

All my friends are having their second. My DD (preschool age) even has an imaginary sibling. I'm over it. But this number is perfect for *my family* and that's all that matters