Everyone around me has 3 kids....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

[Anonymous]

No wonder, society is messed up. Instead of just parenting the kids you have, you pine for something more. This area is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.

As a parent with one child with disabilities, she is just speaking the truth.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are worried about some idea people might have that your family or marriage is “less than” because you have two. That’s the negative self talk you need to combat. Happy marriages/family units can have 1, 2 or no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you've had marital issues, OP, my advice is to not have the third.

+1

[Anonymous]

Would you really have had 3 kids less than 3 years apart? Thats nuts.

Nothing stops you from trying now except, if you are like me and a friend, we fell off the fertility cliff after 2 kids. So now it's causing marital issues, depression and 20K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No wonder, society is messed up. Instead of just parenting the kids you have, you pine for something more. This area is ridiculous.

This thread Is from 2018!

It's been already discussed to death . Why bring it back to life especially for a non helpful comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.

Nothing offensive here. PP is being honest.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

[Anonymous]

Zombie thread alert.

[Anonymous]

I'm European and I'm the odd one with two. Almost everyone had none or one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a very catholic community so everyone around us has like 4+ kids. It makes me eternally grateful I just have 2!

One side of my family is Mormon and I have two dozen cousins on that side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm European and I'm the odd one with two. Almost everyone had none or one.

Yeah I work for a big company based in Northern Europe in a management role. Most of my colleagues are secular and honestly, most have none or one despite being able to afford more. It seems like the only people there who have many kids there are deeply religious.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. I had my third child at 38. My boys were 5 and 7 when the third was born. I wanted to go for the girl and got her.

Most people around us have 2 kids.

I mean if you want a third child, go for it but don’t do it because people around you have 3 kids.

I don’t work. All 3 of my kids are busy with activities and we have conflicts almost daily. I don’t know how I would handle if we had 2 working parents.