Everyone around me has 3 kids....

[Anonymous]

and its making me feel odd that I only have two!! I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. Both boys. Im 37 and my DH is 38. After my second ds was born, we had some marital issues related to moving for his job and our focus was on surviving the issues for a while versus thinking about having another. My second ds didnt sleep thru night for a long time and during that time, I was also dealing with speech evals and such for my first ds. Its been a hectic few yrs. However, now all the dust has settled and all is well.... and every one I know has 3 kids, literally everyone. I did not have trouble conceiving and I had healthy pregnancies so I almost feel like there is no reason in terms of fertility for us to have not tried for a third. I did have two c sections (first baby was breach and second vbac didnt happen), so in terms of health, I do worry about a third c section and that Im 37. Kinda feel like I missed the boat when our personal/marital issues were going on, which makes me feel bad. I dont know... I love having a baby and committing to being done feels so weird-- like such a huge chapter in my life is closed. I feel like its too long gone to consider it though. Anyone have thoughts??

[Anonymous]

I live in a very catholic community so everyone around us has like 4+ kids. It makes me eternally grateful I just have 2!

[Anonymous]

Do what is right for you and stop trying to keep up with Joneses.

You're living in a microcosm if you think "everyone" has 3 kids. And what does it matter anyway?

[Anonymous]

You're thinking about having a third kid because.... People around you have three kids? That's f*ing nuts.

[Anonymous]

My reaction reading your post is, "Don't test your luck."

You had significant marital issues. One of your kids didn't sleep. I can't imagine those times were much fun.

Celebrate that you made it through the rough patch, and invest time, energy, and money in making joy and fun for the family you have.

[Anonymous]

I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking about having a third kid because.... People around you have three kids? That's f*ing nuts.

No no no. Not trying to keep up, etc. Just hate to feel like I missed out on growing our family bc of some short term drama/issues we were having.

[Anonymous]

We have one, many of our friends have onlys. What zip code are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My reaction reading your post is, "Don't test your luck."

You had significant marital issues. One of your kids didn't sleep. I can't imagine those times were much fun.

Celebrate that you made it through the rough patch, and invest time, energy, and money in making joy and fun for the family you have.

Thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one, many of our friends have onlys. What zip code are you in?

I was in NW DC. We are now out of state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

Not my experience at all. My friends in the midwest have lots of kids. My friend in DC/Arlington all have 1-2 kids. Very very few with 3 kids.

Half of my 4 year old's preschool class are only children. Granted, it may not stay that way for some of them, but I looked around at the class party and 7 of the 13 families are only kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

Cool story, bro.

The reality is Americans are indeed having fewer (not less) kids. Average family size has gone down slightly between 1960 and 2017, from 3.67 people to 3.14 people. In addition, the percentage of families with 1 child has reached about 25%. In wealthy metro areas the percentage of families with one child is much higher than that (for example, in Seattle it's almost 50%).

Despite what OP seems to think, "everyone" is not having 3 kids.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/200805/one-child-the-new-traditional-family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

Not my experience at all. My friends in the midwest have lots of kids. My friend in DC/Arlington all have 1-2 kids. Very very few with 3 kids.

Half of my 4 year old's preschool class are only children. Granted, it may not stay that way for some of them, but I looked around at the class party and 7 of the 13 families are only kids.

You're right. UMC and upper class people are definitely having fewer kids, which is ironic considering they are the people with more resources to take care of more kids. It's long been that way, of course.

[Anonymous]

Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.