Everyone around me has 3 kids....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. I had my third child at 38. My boys were 5 and 7 when the third was born. I wanted to go for the girl and got her.

Most people around us have 2 kids.

I mean if you want a third child, go for it but don’t do it because people around you have 3 kids.

I don’t work. All 3 of my kids are busy with activities and we have conflicts almost daily. I don’t know how I would handle if we had 2 working parents.

In your case, don't you mean, if you want a kid of a different sex, go for it and try, but don't do it because you want 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

Do what's best for you. If you want 3 then have 3. If you want 2 then have 2. Only you and your husband know if it makes sense from a marital, financial, + all other things perspective. I wouldn't have a second or third child because literally everyone I knew had a second or third child. By that logic, if everyone jumped off a bridge you would too. Just do what's best for your family.

-Working mom of 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

Are you kidding? You can’t seriously not know some people want a certain sex. I wanted a girl. Some girl parents may want a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

Of course many people have preferences for a girl or a boy when they are pregnant. But to solely go for a 3rd child only because you want a specific sex not because you have any actual interest in having a 3rd child otherwise is very different.

Are you kidding? You can’t seriously not know some people want a certain sex. I wanted a girl. Some girl parents may want a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar boat at your age. Two boys around your boys' ages.

I had a third (at age 41) solely because I wanted a girl. I got her and it's wonderful. The age gap (9 years between my oldest and youngest) is a nonissue. Actually it's very sweet - the boys adore their little sister.

I will say I would've preferred to have only two kids. Three is a bit chaotic. I work full time so I never quite feel anyone gets enough one on one time with me anymore. Also three kids is expensive. It increases cost for everything - vacations are a lot more now, plus activities for all three and as the kids each get into their own thing sometimes we're truly in a bind with how to get them everywhere since there are three of them and two of us.

Had I had a girl for the second, I definitely would've stopped. Now that I'm here I'm happy, and I'm proud of my "big" family, but I think a family of four sounds amazing too.

What if your 3rd had been a boy? I can’t believe people have a child solely to try to get a specific sex not because they actually want that number of children. What if your daughter doesn’t live up to your expectations of why you wanted a girl or ends up transgender?

Are you kidding? You can’t seriously not know some people want a certain sex. I wanted a girl. Some girl parents may want a boy.

Of course many people have preferences for a girl or a boy when they are pregnant. But to solely go for a 3rd child only because you want a specific sex not because you have any actual interest in having a 3rd child otherwise is very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and its making me feel odd that I only have two!! I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. Both boys. Im 37 and my DH is 38. After my second ds was born, we had some marital issues related to moving for his job and our focus was on surviving the issues for a while versus thinking about having another. My second ds didnt sleep thru night for a long time and during that time, I was also dealing with speech evals and such for my first ds. Its been a hectic few yrs. However, now all the dust has settled and all is well.... and every one I know has 3 kids, literally everyone. I did not have trouble conceiving and I had healthy pregnancies so I almost feel like there is no reason in terms of fertility for us to have not tried for a third. I did have two c sections (first baby was breach and second vbac didnt happen), so in terms of health, I do worry about a third c section and that Im 37. Kinda feel like I missed the boat when our personal/marital issues were going on, which makes me feel bad. I dont know... I love having a baby and committing to being done feels so weird-- like such a huge chapter in my life is closed. I feel like its too long gone to consider it though. Anyone have thoughts??

I have 2 and there is no way in the world I would have another. I was 1 of 3 growing up and I loved it BUT I know 2 is enough for us. When I think back to having just 1, I think how freaking easy it would have been to just have 1. But I knew I had to have another one to give my first a sibling and playmate while growing up and have a somewhat bigger family. It has been great but no way after having 2 would I add another. I don't even have to see how these families operate, I know from my own expereince of juggling 2!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and its making me feel odd that I only have two!! I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. Both boys. Im 37 and my DH is 38. After my second ds was born, we had some marital issues related to moving for his job and our focus was on surviving the issues for a while versus thinking about having another. My second ds didnt sleep thru night for a long time and during that time, I was also dealing with speech evals and such for my first ds. Its been a hectic few yrs. However, now all the dust has settled and all is well.... and every one I know has 3 kids, literally everyone. I did not have trouble conceiving and I had healthy pregnancies so I almost feel like there is no reason in terms of fertility for us to have not tried for a third. I did have two c sections (first baby was breach and second vbac didnt happen), so in terms of health, I do worry about a third c section and that Im 37. Kinda feel like I missed the boat when our personal/marital issues were going on, which makes me feel bad. I dont know... I love having a baby and committing to being done feels so weird-- like such a huge chapter in my life is closed. I feel like its too long gone to consider it though. Anyone have thoughts??

I have 2 and there is no way in the world I would have another. I was 1 of 3 growing up and I loved it BUT I know 2 is enough for us. When I think back to having just 1, I think how freaking easy it would have been to just have 1. But I knew I had to have another one to give my first a sibling and playmate while growing up and have a somewhat bigger family. It has been great but no way after having 2 would I add another. I don't even have to see how these families operate, I know from my own expereince of juggling 2!

I am fascinated though of everyone having 3, 4 and more though! It's amazing, I do have to say if I had the finances/nannies galore it might be a different story. I would have a ton of kids but it's just me and DH and he'd probably die from the stress.

[Anonymous]

If you want a third have one. The spacing and timing could be perfect. No ship has sailed

[Anonymous]

I know several people with your kids age gaps that went for the third.

I feel you, OP. I’m also surrounded by many larger families in my child’s preschool. However most people with more than 2 kids are not sending to expensive private schools- it’s either public or non expensive parochial. I’d like to have another baby and for the children to have another sibling, but right now it just feels too daunting to go through pregnancy and infancy again, to manage three tuitions, camps and childcare, and hold down my job. You have to do you.

[Anonymous]

I’m shocked everyone around you has three. I know plenty of three kid families but still the majority of families are just two kids.

If you want a 3rd then go for it. Nothing wrong with that age gap. I had my 3rd when the older two were 4 and 6. It’s a great age gap, and all three boys get along really well. Also, I was late 30s and that did not feel old for a third kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want a third have one. The spacing and timing could be perfect. No ship has sailed

Agree you can have another if you want, it isn’t too late. But as several PPs have said, 3 is HARD. Especially as the older two enter late elementary and tween years on up. The sports, activities, homework, unique school/learning needs. friends, staying on top of all their everything, the massive amounts of food required; it is a lot of mentally energy and physical time. And doing all that oh plus you have a 5 yr old.. in a totally different stage of development with all that that requires is a lot.

It is a whole lot easier if you have local family the youngest can stay with when you have all day swim meets or tournaments or you are a taxiing one kid to piano and the other kid to the orthodontist.

If it is just you and DH doing the work and you are not likely to hire a nanny, just be forewarned, your marriage will be stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want a third have one. The spacing and timing could be perfect. No ship has sailed

Agree you can have another if you want, it isn’t too late. But as several PPs have said, 3 is HARD. Especially as the older two enter late elementary and tween years on up. The sports, activities, homework, unique school/learning needs. friends, staying on top of all their everything, the massive amounts of food required; it is a lot of mentally energy and physical time. And doing all that oh plus you have a 5 yr old.. in a totally different stage of development with all that that requires is a lot.

It is a whole lot easier if you have local family the youngest can stay with when you have all day swim meets or tournaments or you are a taxiing one kid to piano and the other kid to the orthodontist.

If it is just you and DH doing the work and you are not likely to hire a nanny, just be forewarned, your marriage will be stressed.

All this!!! I thought three was a breeze until the kids got older. Now it’s much harder and stressful if I really want to do it well and meet each of their needs fully. The poor 3rd kid is dragged to so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

I know many families of 2 kids (far too many to count) where the parents are not “giving each child their all”. Some parents just prioritize themselves and their jobs no matter how many kids they have.