Everyone around me has 3 kids....

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

+1

I have 3 kids (first 2 are close in age and then a 5 year gap until #3). Getting the older 2 to their activities is just logistics. When my first two were baby/toddler age it was way more exhausting. And the third kid is a toddler now and keeping her from constantly getting into stuff, dealing with meltdowns, etc. it way more tiring than setting up a car pool or buying the right sports equipment. I’m fairly type A/organized and find scheduling/planning so much easier than the unpredictability of young kids.

I think it varies from person to person. I found the early years with 3 much easier. Sure there were tantrums, sleeplless nights, nonstop on the go, but I really didn’t find any of that stressful or over the top exhausting. It’s the preteen and teen years that are hard. Meeting their various needs can be tough, and it feels like so much is more on the line to get it right these days especially when considering your child’s mental health. Sure the million activities is annoying to deal with but that’s not the part I find mentally exhausting

I’m the PP you’re responding to and I’ll admit the teen years intimidate me (we aren’t there yet). But that is more because of the socio-emotional stuff that can happen regardless of how many kids you have. But it seems like so many people say having 3 is hard because of managing schedules/activities and such. But I find that is the easiest part of parenting because it’s just planning. We have an extensive shared Google calendar, giant color-coded white board calendar, reminders set in Alexa, and a good network of local parent friends (most who have 2-3+ kids and are willing to coordinate). Add in really flexible jobs, which helps too.

I think if you’re at your limit with 2, then 3 seems like a lot. But the scheduling, sorting seasonal clothes/managing hand me downs, signing up for activities, sharing carpools, etc. is the easiest part of it all to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

Just…no.

It’s great if things are going smoothly for you, but the puberty and teen years can be VERY rough for some families, although not all, and no it’s not just an issue for those with special needs. The issues those years of development can bring up ranging from anger management to sexuality to truancy to avoiding alcohol/drug exploration can be a roller coaster in ways that multiple diaper changes and tree climbing aren’t. For some families, the younger years truly were easier and for others, they weren’t.

The bolded, I agree with. The rest is the same patronizing “little kids, little problems,” which isn’t helpful. You’re also ignoring that parents of little kids are often still adjusting to parenthood, doing much of that adjustment while exhausted, and have none of the real highs that come with teens - their humor, their insightfulness, their independence. The little kid years are relentless, often with little reward.

Again, I’m not saying the teen years aren’t hard; of course they are. I’m saying the tendency of parents of teens to do the “you have it EASY, just you wait” to parents of little kids is a really, really lousy thing to do. It’s hard all the way through; pace yourself.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

Just…no.

It’s great if things are going smoothly for you, but the puberty and teen years can be VERY rough for some families, although not all, and no it’s not just an issue for those with special needs. The issues those years of development can bring up ranging from anger management to sexuality to truancy to avoiding alcohol/drug exploration can be a roller coaster in ways that multiple diaper changes and tree climbing aren’t. For some families, the younger years truly were easier and for others, they weren’t.

The bolded, I agree with. The rest is the same patronizing “little kids, little problems,” which isn’t helpful. You’re also ignoring that parents of little kids are often still adjusting to parenthood, doing much of that adjustment while exhausted, and have none of the real highs that come with teens - their humor, their insightfulness, their independence. The little kid years are relentless, often with little reward.

Again, I’m not saying the teen years aren’t hard; of course they are. I’m saying the tendency of parents of teens to do the “you have it EASY, just you wait” to parents of little kids is a really, really lousy thing to do. It’s hard all the way through; pace yourself.

It is hard all the way through. Which is why parents of little kids shouldn’t have more assuming it will get easier. It won’t.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

+1

I have 3 kids (first 2 are close in age and then a 5 year gap until #3). Getting the older 2 to their activities is just logistics. When my first two were baby/toddler age it was way more exhausting. And the third kid is a toddler now and keeping her from constantly getting into stuff, dealing with meltdowns, etc. it way more tiring than setting up a car pool or buying the right sports equipment. I’m fairly type A/organized and find scheduling/planning so much easier than the unpredictability of young kids.

Yeah, but you you have to deal with the logistics of older kids AND the tantrums of toddlers. And it a couple more years, you have to handle even trickier logistics of tweens/teens that are even busier, with actually hard homework and a lot of emotional needs- with a preschooler. Not complaining, just saying it definitely it harder than when my first two were young. They were pretty much on the same schedule and more or less similar developmentally, plus they went to bed at 7:30!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

Just…no.

It’s great if things are going smoothly for you, but the puberty and teen years can be VERY rough for some families, although not all, and no it’s not just an issue for those with special needs. The issues those years of development can bring up ranging from anger management to sexuality to truancy to avoiding alcohol/drug exploration can be a roller coaster in ways that multiple diaper changes and tree climbing aren’t. For some families, the younger years truly were easier and for others, they weren’t.

The bolded, I agree with. The rest is the same patronizing “little kids, little problems,” which isn’t helpful. You’re also ignoring that parents of little kids are often still adjusting to parenthood, doing much of that adjustment while exhausted, and have none of the real highs that come with teens - their humor, their insightfulness, their independence. The little kid years are relentless, often with little reward.

Again, I’m not saying the teen years aren’t hard; of course they are. I’m saying the tendency of parents of teens to do the “you have it EASY, just you wait” to parents of little kids is a really, really lousy thing to do. It’s hard all the way through; pace yourself.

It is hard all the way through. Which is why parents of little kids shouldn’t have more assuming it will get easier. It won’t.

Yup, agreed - although that can feel so hard to hear when you’re in the thick of it. The best advice I ever got when my kids were really little was from a friend whose kids were adults - she’s the one who told me to pace myself. It really helped me stop obsessing over stuff when they were little. That time is hard enough; needless worry doesn’t help. It also forced me to get serious about taking care of myself and keeping my marriage healthy. So many parents run themselves into the ground early, burn out (understandably) and then check out when their kids are tweens/teens - and that’s not a good time to check out.

Anyway. Here’s to a reasonably calm weekend for all!

[Anonymous]

Having more children just increases the chances that one of them will be a real disappointment.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.

Oh STFU

-DP

Really? I was pretty horrified by that comment as well. That phrasing is akin to saying that someone gypped you. Both are incredibly offensive things to say.

Cripple is an english word with a real definition.

Are you offended when someone says something like, 'mortgage brokers in the early aughts crippled the United States economy.'?

Except she's specifically talking about people with disabilities causing the crippling.

Yeah that was a shitty thing to say. I feel bad for that kid.

Yes she definitely doesn't love her kid.

I feel bad for you. You must walk around being offended all day. Life must be so painful for delicate flowers like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having more children just increases the chances that one of them will be a real disappointment.

+100. I feel this in my soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having more children just increases the chances that one of them will be a real disappointment.

And having an only child is really putting all your eggs in one basket. I childhood classmate of mine who is an only just got indicted on some white collared crimes and is likely going to spend a decade + in prison. So it can cut both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having more children just increases the chances that one of them will be a real disappointment.

+100. I feel this in my soul.

Yup. So so true.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

Just…no.

It’s great if things are going smoothly for you, but the puberty and teen years can be VERY rough for some families, although not all, and no it’s not just an issue for those with special needs. The issues those years of development can bring up ranging from anger management to sexuality to truancy to avoiding alcohol/drug exploration can be a roller coaster in ways that multiple diaper changes and tree climbing aren’t. For some families, the younger years truly were easier and for others, they weren’t.

The bolded, I agree with. The rest is the same patronizing “little kids, little problems,” which isn’t helpful. You’re also ignoring that parents of little kids are often still adjusting to parenthood, doing much of that adjustment while exhausted, and have none of the real highs that come with teens - their humor, their insightfulness, their independence. The little kid years are relentless, often with little reward.

Again, I’m not saying the teen years aren’t hard; of course they are. I’m saying the tendency of parents of teens to do the “you have it EASY, just you wait” to parents of little kids is a really, really lousy thing to do. It’s hard all the way through; pace yourself.

The other thing is that while the teen and college years are expensive and tiring, for most professional parents, they are also earning a lot more and often have more flexibility in many cases by that point in their lives and careers. An extreem case of this is doctors, who often have kids during residency. But it applies to many other UMC professions as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

The first few years with 3 are the easiest. It gets harder getting three to all of their activities...

I have 3 kids. The baby/toddler years are physically exhausting. 2 older kids are in activities and I have a toddler who does activities during the day.

People with older kids always tell me it is all about carpooling.

Yep. It’s easiest when the 3 are young. Gets so much harder and hectic with 3 in school, managing separate sports/activities/play dates, all have very unique needs etc. It’s hard to feel like you are fully meeting each kids need plus finding time for yourself and your marriage. Each additional kid adds a lot if you really want to give them your all.

DP - yeah, you’re forgetting how rough it is when all three are little, if they’re even somewhat close in age. The tantrums, the waking each other up, one kid sprints away at the park or climbs a tree and you have to rescue them while leaving the other two to fend for themselves, the sheer volume of bodily fluids…

The problems are different as they get older, absolutely, and they’re not easy. But this tendency for parents of older kids to insist that it’s actually harder than when they were little is garbage. IME, barring special needs, it’s an issue only in families in which they let the kids run the show in terms of number of activities, etc., or when the parents are crap at staying organized. If you’re crap at staying organized, don’t have three kids.

Just…no.

It’s great if things are going smoothly for you, but the puberty and teen years can be VERY rough for some families, although not all, and no it’s not just an issue for those with special needs. The issues those years of development can bring up ranging from anger management to sexuality to truancy to avoiding alcohol/drug exploration can be a roller coaster in ways that multiple diaper changes and tree climbing aren’t. For some families, the younger years truly were easier and for others, they weren’t.

The bolded, I agree with. The rest is the same patronizing “little kids, little problems,” which isn’t helpful. You’re also ignoring that parents of little kids are often still adjusting to parenthood, doing much of that adjustment while exhausted, and have none of the real highs that come with teens - their humor, their insightfulness, their independence. The little kid years are relentless, often with little reward.

Again, I’m not saying the teen years aren’t hard; of course they are. I’m saying the tendency of parents of teens to do the “you have it EASY, just you wait” to parents of little kids is a really, really lousy thing to do. It’s hard all the way through; pace yourself.

It is hard all the way through. Which is why parents of little kids shouldn’t have more assuming it will get easier. It won’t.

The two are not independent though. Parents who put more effort in during the earlier years, teaching correct behavior, empathy, eating healthy food, hell even teaching the kids to read before school the proper way with phonics, tend to have a much easier time when the kids are older than the ones who were more relaxed and didn’t teach those things. For us, things are definitely easier later but I see other people struggle with things and I saw that they didn’t handle them the same way as we did when the kids were young.