Everyone around me has 3 kids....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

Talk about pressure on the kids.

Seriously. PP, you have no idea whether your kids will be willing or able to fulfill your very detailed future plans. That is way too much pressure to put on your children.

NP joining the pile-on - I have 3 and would love if they had a lot of kids but I don't count on it, many things have to happen, none of them anywhere close to certain, for that outcome to actually happen. btw my parents had 3 kids and one grandkid for more than 20 years... they both died and another 4 grandkids happened.

People. We are not sitting them down for lectures at 7 to tell them all about how they are expected to provide 2.5 children. Nor will I be calling up DD when she gets married three decades from now and ask her monthly if she's pregnant.

We have hopes for our future where our family continues to grow and expand as we get old. I don't think this is an uncommon or crazy wish. If it ends up that that doesn't happen for one reason or another, I will be sad but I will not BLAME my children and I will find joy in other things my life offers me. Their lives are their own to live. But I raise them in the way that I was raised, to value family and the times we have with one another. To love each other, and to live lives as full of love and caring as they can. I hope that results in some grandchildren many many years from now that I will have the privilege to meet and know.

fine. but that's not what you said - it looked like you were assuming "big christmases" as many people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Big Christmases, lots of grandkids.

You are assuming so much here, in the very off chance your kids provide you with “lots” of grandkids, so you seriously think that they are all going to schlep their herds of children to in what will by them by your uncomfortable and outdated house so “your little pack” as you say all does Christmas together? You’ll be lucky if you get one kid to show up.

Who tinkled in your wheaties?

People have dreams about how their life will progress. We all know that dreams don't necessarily turn into reality but what a dark place we would all live in if we didn't dream. Personally, I like PP's dream a lot better than the Ivy/Big Law/$$$$ that most of DCUM seems to dream about for their kids. Goodness knows that's less likely to happen for most than a bunch of grandkids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.

Oh STFU

-DP

Really? I was pretty horrified by that comment as well. That phrasing is akin to saying that someone gypped you. Both are incredibly offensive things to say.

Cripple is an english word with a real definition.

Are you offended when someone says something like, 'mortgage brokers in the early aughts crippled the United States economy.'?

Except she's specifically talking about people with disabilities causing the crippling.

Yeah that was a shitty thing to say. I feel bad for that kid.

I feel like it was an unfortunate juxtaposition of word and subject that was almost certainly unintentional. Lady's doing her best raising a kid with severe special needs. Had she said, 'having a second disabled child would destroy our family' have been better? Back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

Talk about pressure on the kids.

Seriously. PP, you have no idea whether your kids will be willing or able to fulfill your very detailed future plans. That is way too much pressure to put on your children.

NP joining the pile-on - I have 3 and would love if they had a lot of kids but I don't count on it, many things have to happen, none of them anywhere close to certain, for that outcome to actually happen. btw my parents had 3 kids and one grandkid for more than 20 years... they both died and another 4 grandkids happened.

People. We are not sitting them down for lectures at 7 to tell them all about how they are expected to provide 2.5 children. Nor will I be calling up DD when she gets married three decades from now and ask her monthly if she's pregnant.

We have hopes for our future where our family continues to grow and expand as we get old. I don't think this is an uncommon or crazy wish. If it ends up that that doesn't happen for one reason or another, I will be sad but I will not BLAME my children and I will find joy in other things my life offers me. Their lives are their own to live. But I raise them in the way that I was raised, to value family and the times we have with one another. To love each other, and to live lives as full of love and caring as they can. I hope that results in some grandchildren many many years from now that I will have the privilege to meet and know.

fine. but that's not what you said - it looked like you were assuming "big christmases" as many people do.

I said that I want big christmases when my kids grow up. That is still true in both versions. You inserted all your own baggage into it. I think you should try to find more joy in your own life and stop looking for such negative intentions in internet posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

Talk about pressure on the kids.

Seriously. PP, you have no idea whether your kids will be willing or able to fulfill your very detailed future plans. That is way too much pressure to put on your children.

NP joining the pile-on - I have 3 and would love if they had a lot of kids but I don't count on it, many things have to happen, none of them anywhere close to certain, for that outcome to actually happen. btw my parents had 3 kids and one grandkid for more than 20 years... they both died and another 4 grandkids happened.

People. We are not sitting them down for lectures at 7 to tell them all about how they are expected to provide 2.5 children. Nor will I be calling up DD when she gets married three decades from now and ask her monthly if she's pregnant.

We have hopes for our future where our family continues to grow and expand as we get old. I don't think this is an uncommon or crazy wish. If it ends up that that doesn't happen for one reason or another, I will be sad but I will not BLAME my children and I will find joy in other things my life offers me. Their lives are their own to live. But I raise them in the way that I was raised, to value family and the times we have with one another. To love each other, and to live lives as full of love and caring as they can. I hope that results in some grandchildren many many years from now that I will have the privilege to meet and know.

fine. but that's not what you said - it looked like you were assuming "big christmases" as many people do.

I said that I want big christmases when my kids grow up. That is still true in both versions. You inserted all your own baggage into it. I think you should try to find more joy in your own life and stop looking for such negative intentions in internet posts.

a lot of people saw the same thing because it was there. I have 3 kids too and plenty to be happy about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

Talk about pressure on the kids.

Seriously. PP, you have no idea whether your kids will be willing or able to fulfill your very detailed future plans. That is way too much pressure to put on your children.

NP joining the pile-on - I have 3 and would love if they had a lot of kids but I don't count on it, many things have to happen, none of them anywhere close to certain, for that outcome to actually happen. btw my parents had 3 kids and one grandkid for more than 20 years... they both died and another 4 grandkids happened.

People. We are not sitting them down for lectures at 7 to tell them all about how they are expected to provide 2.5 children. Nor will I be calling up DD when she gets married three decades from now and ask her monthly if she's pregnant.

We have hopes for our future where our family continues to grow and expand as we get old. I don't think this is an uncommon or crazy wish. If it ends up that that doesn't happen for one reason or another, I will be sad but I will not BLAME my children and I will find joy in other things my life offers me. Their lives are their own to live. But I raise them in the way that I was raised, to value family and the times we have with one another. To love each other, and to live lives as full of love and caring as they can. I hope that results in some grandchildren many many years from now that I will have the privilege to meet and know.

fine. but that's not what you said - it looked like you were assuming "big christmases" as many people do.

I said that I want big christmases when my kids grow up. That is still true in both versions. You inserted all your own baggage into it. I think you should try to find more joy in your own life and stop looking for such negative intentions in internet posts.

a lot of people saw the same thing because it was there. I have 3 kids too and plenty to be happy about.

You have no aspirations/wishes/dreams for grandchildren eventually? And perhaps seeing them in a holiday setting?

[Anonymous]

I was just thinking something similar to this today.

I was clicking around on Instagram, looking at various accounts through the "explore" feature.

It seems that all the popular Insta moms have FOUR kids now. It's not enough to have one of each and call that a "perfect" family, now you have to have TWO of each.

[Anonymous]

We have three and I LOVE having three. I wish I could have a fourth but my husband is totally against it. He wants us to just enjoy the family we have, travel more, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking something similar to this today.

I was clicking around on Instagram, looking at various accounts through the "explore" feature.

It seems that all the popular Insta moms have FOUR kids now. It's not enough to have one of each and call that a "perfect" family, now you have to have TWO of each.

Popular insta moms and mom bloggers have 4 kids because a lot of them are Mormon. It’s the same reason MLM companies like Senegence and LuLaRoe are founded by and dominated by Mormons. It’s a socially acceptable way for ambitious women in their community to have a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking something similar to this today.

I was clicking around on Instagram, looking at various accounts through the "explore" feature.

It seems that all the popular Insta moms have FOUR kids now. It's not enough to have one of each and call that a "perfect" family, now you have to have TWO of each.

Popular insta moms and mom bloggers have 4 kids because a lot of them are Mormon. It’s the same reason MLM companies like Senegence and LuLaRoe are founded by and dominated by Mormons. It’s a socially acceptable way for ambitious women in their community to have a career.

Yep.

How about we all just have the family we want and stop judging one another?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).

Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.

We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.

Have how many ever kids because you want them but having these expectations on them is setting yourself up for disappointment. For all you know your kids could remain child free, have other issues etc.

Of course and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But that just lends to my point. Odds are with three we're gonna have some grandkids!

You are definitely increasing your chances... my in laws have 4 kids and 10 grandkids. At the same time, we have friends whose parents had 4 daughters and only 1 grandkid (and only one daughter still young enough to have kids)

[Anonymous]

We have an only child (secondary infertility) and after 5 years of trying to have a second, we are trying to accept having just one child. We are pretty much the only ones we know with an only. Nearly everyone in my son's preschool has 3, all my co-workers have 3, and nearly all of DH's co-workers have 3-4. I feel like the odd one out, especially since I did so much infertility treatment and nothing worked.

Growing up in the 80s, most of my friends were only children, and a few families had 2 kids. I didn't know any families with 3 kids, it seemed like smaller families were more common.

Today nearly everyone I know has 3. I envy them a lot, I wish I could have one more child. We're out in Sterling where it's much more common to have 3 + kids.

But the part that bothers me the most is that when I post beautiful family photos of the 3 of us, no one has ever said that I have a "beautiful family" and all my friends' with 2-3 kids get that comment all the time. Not once has anyone ever said that to me, and that makes me feel sad and inadequate. Is my family not "adequate" because I just have one? The "beautiful family" comment seems to be reserved for larger families only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an only child (secondary infertility) and after 5 years of trying to have a second, we are trying to accept having just one child. We are pretty much the only ones we know with an only. Nearly everyone in my son's preschool has 3, all my co-workers have 3, and nearly all of DH's co-workers have 3-4. I feel like the odd one out, especially since I did so much infertility treatment and nothing worked.

Growing up in the 80s, most of my friends were only children, and a few families had 2 kids. I didn't know any families with 3 kids, it seemed like smaller families were more common.

Today nearly everyone I know has 3. I envy them a lot, I wish I could have one more child. We're out in Sterling where it's much more common to have 3 + kids.

But the part that bothers me the most is that when I post beautiful family photos of the 3 of us, no one has ever said that I have a "beautiful family" and all my friends' with 2-3 kids get that comment all the time. Not once has anyone ever said that to me, and that makes me feel sad and inadequate. Is my family not "adequate" because I just have one? The "beautiful family" comment seems to be reserved for larger families only.

Are you sure no one has ever referred to your family as beautiful? Perhaps you are just overly sensitive because of your secondary infertility? We are three (DD, DH, and myself) and have certainly been told we are a beautiful family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an only child (secondary infertility) and after 5 years of trying to have a second, we are trying to accept having just one child. We are pretty much the only ones we know with an only. Nearly everyone in my son's preschool has 3, all my co-workers have 3, and nearly all of DH's co-workers have 3-4. I feel like the odd one out, especially since I did so much infertility treatment and nothing worked.

Growing up in the 80s, most of my friends were only children, and a few families had 2 kids. I didn't know any families with 3 kids, it seemed like smaller families were more common.

Today nearly everyone I know has 3. I envy them a lot, I wish I could have one more child. We're out in Sterling where it's much more common to have 3 + kids.

But the part that bothers me the most is that when I post beautiful family photos of the 3 of us, no one has ever said that I have a "beautiful family" and all my friends' with 2-3 kids get that comment all the time. Not once has anyone ever said that to me, and that makes me feel sad and inadequate. Is my family not "adequate" because I just have one? The "beautiful family" comment seems to be reserved for larger families only.

Are you sure no one has ever referred to your family as beautiful? Perhaps you are just overly sensitive because of your secondary infertility? We are three (DD, DH, and myself) and have certainly been told we are a beautiful family.

PP here with an only. Never, not once. I would cry tears of joy if anyone ever said that I have a beautiful family. When I post lovely professional photos the most I ever get is a few likes. No comments ever. I guess people don't consider having an only child a real family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an only child (secondary infertility) and after 5 years of trying to have a second, we are trying to accept having just one child. We are pretty much the only ones we know with an only. Nearly everyone in my son's preschool has 3, all my co-workers have 3, and nearly all of DH's co-workers have 3-4. I feel like the odd one out, especially since I did so much infertility treatment and nothing worked.

Growing up in the 80s, most of my friends were only children, and a few families had 2 kids. I didn't know any families with 3 kids, it seemed like smaller families were more common.

Today nearly everyone I know has 3. I envy them a lot, I wish I could have one more child. We're out in Sterling where it's much more common to have 3 + kids.

But the part that bothers me the most is that when I post beautiful family photos of the 3 of us, no one has ever said that I have a "beautiful family" and all my friends' with 2-3 kids get that comment all the time. Not once has anyone ever said that to me, and that makes me feel sad and inadequate. Is my family not "adequate" because I just have one? The "beautiful family" comment seems to be reserved for larger families only.

Are you sure no one has ever referred to your family as beautiful? Perhaps you are just overly sensitive because of your secondary infertility? We are three (DD, DH, and myself) and have certainly been told we are a beautiful family.

PP here with an only. Never, not once. I would cry tears of joy if anyone ever said that I have a beautiful family. When I post lovely professional photos the most I ever get is a few likes. No comments ever. I guess people don't consider having an only child a real family.

so instead of enjoying your beautiful family you are posting pictures, counting and comparing likes and getting upset. social media is truly evil.