Friend who wanted to do childcare bailed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP don't dwell on this. Your friend is not professional. This in home daycare would have never worked out anyway. How could you leave your child with someone who doesn't drive? What are you thinking?

why on earth is it a requirement for the childcare provider to drive? Do you really expect a stay at home mom daycare provider to have a van with 6 properly installed car seats into? Who would watch the kids while she’s putting the kids in one by one? Where on earth do they need to go? If there’s an emergency she’ll call 911 and let them do any necessary driving while the parents leave work and meet them at the hospital and she stays home with the remaining kids. Not being able to driving is the dumbest reason to pass on a child care provider.

Right not her friend doesn't have an in home daycare so that's really not relevant. Also why doesn't she have a driver's license? Op doesn't live in New York. That's a red flag.

I agree. It indicates a mental state. Op doesn't live in a densely populated area. No playground is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Op here. I am new to daycare. I didn't realize there's a difference in price. I thought maybe she wanted me to pay her hourly. Anyway we're going with the center. I am so glad this is over now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Op here. I am new to daycare. I didn't realize there's a difference in price. I thought maybe she wanted me to pay her hourly. Anyway we're going with the center. I am so glad this is over now.

Why would you pay her the rate as a center? You're crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Op here. I am new to daycare. I didn't realize there's a difference in price. I thought maybe she wanted me to pay her hourly. Anyway we're going with the center. I am so glad this is over now.

Why would you pay her the rate as a center? You're crazy.

I don't actually think OP offered to pay a center rate. I think OP low-balled (from the friend's perspective, not in an objective sense), and the friend wanted more. Definitely wanted more after the first day, started backing out, and then yesterday explained she wanted daycare center rate. Which is crazy, but I think it's the part left out that makes sense of the story.

The friend will soon enough be educated by the free market. OP's child has a secure spot in her husband's workplace daycare. If I were OP, I would let the natural consequences fall out where they may. It isn't necessarily her job to explain reasonable rates to the friend, and maybe it's time for a little distance, anyway. I have a feeling OP is going to be too busy to drive the friend around much, unfortunately, and OP -- that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

And if you can get a spot in a center right away for an infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

And if you can get a spot in a center right away for an infant.

Op here. I live in an expensive area in Jacksonville FL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

And if you can get a spot in a center right away for an infant.

Op here. I live in an expensive area in Jacksonville FL.

Do you mean "inexpensive?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

And if you can get a spot in a center right away for an infant.

Op here. I live in an expensive area in Jacksonville FL.

Do you mean "inexpensive?"

Op. No. We live in a very nice area. We're close to lots of the major employers and the town center. Jacksonville is very spread out. The area by the airport is less expensive. The daycare at my husband's work is more expensive than the chain daycares like La petite, kindercare etc. And also with my husband's employee discount the tution is actually $234 instead of $260. I am new to Florida and daycare prices. I don't know what is common in DC area. I've heard to budget at least 2 k for childcare. I don't know if that's a nanny or daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

And if you can get a spot in a center right away for an infant.

Op here. I live in an expensive area in Jacksonville FL.

Do you mean "inexpensive?"

Op. No. We live in a very nice area. We're close to lots of the major employers and the town center. Jacksonville is very spread out. The area by the airport is less expensive. The daycare at my husband's work is more expensive than the chain daycares like La petite, kindercare etc. And also with my husband's employee discount the tution is actually $234 instead of $260. I am new to Florida and daycare prices. I don't know what is common in DC area. I've heard to budget at least 2 k for childcare. I don't know if that's a nanny or daycare.

What is your HHI? Is it 100k or higher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Damn you must live in bumf*ck if a center is 260 for full time

And if you can get a spot in a center right away for an infant.

Op here. I live in an expensive area in Jacksonville FL.

Do you mean "inexpensive?"

Op. No. We live in a very nice area. We're close to lots of the major employers and the town center. Jacksonville is very spread out. The area by the airport is less expensive. The daycare at my husband's work is more expensive than the chain daycares like La petite, kindercare etc. And also with my husband's employee discount the tution is actually $234 instead of $260. I am new to Florida and daycare prices. I don't know what is common in DC area. I've heard to budget at least 2 k for childcare. I don't know if that's a nanny or daycare.

What is your HHI? Is it 100k or higher?

Now that I am working we will be at 200k. I work from home. We both finished grad school last year.

[Anonymous]

You guys will live like kings in Jacksonville by the airport on 200k. A friend of mine lives in new construction there. The houses cost pennies. We would pay 700k for her house here in the burbs whereas she is only in the 300k range.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't paying her? Seriously?

This.

She said "no" to pay. Friends do barter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Page 1:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

Page 7:

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!

OP, were you just misspoken earlier, then?

Op here. I am new to daycare. I didn't realize there's a difference in price. I thought maybe she wanted me to pay her hourly. Anyway we're going with the center. I am so glad this is over now.

Why would you pay her the rate as a center? You're crazy.

I don't actually think OP offered to pay a center rate. I think OP low-balled (from the friend's perspective, not in an objective sense), and the friend wanted more. Definitely wanted more after the first day, started backing out, and then yesterday explained she wanted daycare center rate. Which is crazy, but I think it's the part left out that makes sense of the story.

The friend will soon enough be educated by the free market. OP's child has a secure spot in her husband's workplace daycare. If I were OP, I would let the natural consequences fall out where they may. It isn't necessarily her job to explain reasonable rates to the friend, and maybe it's time for a little distance, anyway. I have a feeling OP is going to be too busy to drive the friend around much, unfortunately, and OP -- that's fine.

That would actually be a really good price for a 1:2 nanny share, but it also sounds like the friend was just going to be a babysitter (tv, no playground, no way to get to a playground). OP, you're going to be much happier with the center. I would probably also write this friend off.