Friend who wanted to do childcare bailed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That should have been a red flag in the beginning that she was willing to watch your son gratis.

Taking on an add’l child is a ton of mental, emotional + physical energy.
Plus not having to pay for childcare is a huge perk.
Huge.

I could never accept free childcare from ANYone.
Because as the saying goes.....
There really is no such thing as a “free” lunch.

It is on her however to communicate w/you that she will no longer be able to watch your child.

1.) Just stop contacting her altogether.
She isn’t even worthy of a true friend in the sense of the word.

2.) Contact a Nanny/Babysitting agency for emergency back-up childcare.
Consider the co$t the money you saved when she babysat for free.

3.) Search for a mature, reliable & ethical Nanny, SAHM or reputable daycare or childcare centre in your neighborhood.

Wishing you the best.....

because SAHMs are always willing and able to watch other people’s kids? What?? SAHMs are not an untapped caregiving service market. Leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

This will be the first of many childcare crises you will have over 18 years. Always have a plan b and c.

[Anonymous]

Pay peanuts get monkeys . Esp for childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, maybe she wanted another kid for her kid to play with. I would rather have 2 kids than one. If they are similar ages they can play together. She tried it and didn't like it. She should have spoken up immediately. I still don't get what made you keep.checking in with her. I would have just said see you on Friday at pick up earlier in the week and left it at that. The additional outreach isn't normal a d shows you knew something was wrong. Is your child misbehave? I would likely cut back the friendship and now you know better for later. I had a friend who stayed home and i seriously debated letting her keep my kids to earn money. After tho king a out it I determined she just wouldn't be reliable enough.

Op. I guess I was worried about her flaking on me and I felt guilty about not paying her. I really wanted to pay her but I didn't know where to start. I thought about paying her a nanny rate but it would have been really expensive. My son would have been watching lots of TV I suspect and they do not have a playground in her community. She does freak out prematurely about her daughter getting sick. I should have seen this coming. She has also been trying to start an in home daycare but can't find clients. She told me that she meets families but they don't call her back. This has been a good learning experience for me. I am not comfortable with home daycare anymore. I think in my area in home daycares are not professional. I have met a lot of moms who are not shy about leaving the TV on all day and they want to bring my child on errands. Maybe it's a regional thing. I live in the south.

Where do you live? Your options are probably pretty limited if it's a small town.

My in-home is super professional. They send out a curriculum and menu and they would never dream of going on errands with the child or doing housework while the children are there. If one of the workers has an emergency or is ill we get a text telling us who is out (one of the two main providers is always there) and who the substitute will be (we know them all).

[Anonymous]

PP here. That said, our in-home likely charges more than someone like your friend would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, maybe she wanted another kid for her kid to play with. I would rather have 2 kids than one. If they are similar ages they can play together. She tried it and didn't like it. She should have spoken up immediately. I still don't get what made you keep.checking in with her. I would have just said see you on Friday at pick up earlier in the week and left it at that. The additional outreach isn't normal a d shows you knew something was wrong. Is your child misbehave? I would likely cut back the friendship and now you know better for later. I had a friend who stayed home and i seriously debated letting her keep my kids to earn money. After tho king a out it I determined she just wouldn't be reliable enough.

Op. I guess I was worried about her flaking on me and I felt guilty about not paying her. I really wanted to pay her but I didn't know where to start. I thought about paying her a nanny rate but it would have been really expensive. My son would have been watching lots of TV I suspect and they do not have a playground in her community. She does freak out prematurely about her daughter getting sick. I should have seen this coming. She has also been trying to start an in home daycare but can't find clients. She told me that she meets families but they don't call her back. This has been a good learning experience for me. I am not comfortable with home daycare anymore. I think in my area in home daycares are not professional. I have met a lot of moms who are not shy about leaving the TV on all day and they want to bring my child on errands. Maybe it's a regional thing. I live in the south.

Where do you live? Your options are probably pretty limited if it's a small town.

My in-home is super professional. They send out a curriculum and menu and they would never dream of going on errands with the child or doing housework while the children are there. If one of the workers has an emergency or is ill we get a text telling us who is out (one of the two main providers is always there) and who the substitute will be (we know them all).

I live in Florida. Everyone is a SAHM here and most of them try to start in home daycares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That should have been a red flag in the beginning that she was willing to watch your son gratis.

Taking on an add’l child is a ton of mental, emotional + physical energy.
Plus not having to pay for childcare is a huge perk.
Huge.

I could never accept free childcare from ANYone.
Because as the saying goes.....
There really is no such thing as a “free” lunch.

It is on her however to communicate w/you that she will no longer be able to watch your child.

1.) Just stop contacting her altogether.
She isn’t even worthy of a true friend in the sense of the word.

2.) Contact a Nanny/Babysitting agency for emergency back-up childcare.
Consider the co$t the money you saved when she babysat for free.

3.) Search for a mature, reliable & ethical Nanny, SAHM or reputable daycare or childcare centre in your neighborhood.

Wishing you the best.....

because SAHMs are always willing and able to watch other people’s kids? What?? SAHMs are not an untapped caregiving service market. Leave them alone.

Plenty of stay at home moms do in home childcare. Sorry that offends you. Op shouldn't go around asking her friends but there are other ways to find a SAHM babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP don't dwell on this. Your friend is not professional. This in home daycare would have never worked out anyway. How could you leave your child with someone who doesn't drive? What are you thinking?

why on earth is it a requirement for the childcare provider to drive? Do you really expect a stay at home mom daycare provider to have a van with 6 properly installed car seats into? Who would watch the kids while she’s putting the kids in one by one? Where on earth do they need to go? If there’s an emergency she’ll call 911 and let them do any necessary driving while the parents leave work and meet them at the hospital and she stays home with the remaining kids. Not being able to driving is the dumbest reason to pass on a child care provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, maybe she wanted another kid for her kid to play with. I would rather have 2 kids than one. If they are similar ages they can play together. She tried it and didn't like it. She should have spoken up immediately. I still don't get what made you keep.checking in with her. I would have just said see you on Friday at pick up earlier in the week and left it at that. The additional outreach isn't normal a d shows you knew something was wrong. Is your child misbehave? I would likely cut back the friendship and now you know better for later. I had a friend who stayed home and i seriously debated letting her keep my kids to earn money. After tho king a out it I determined she just wouldn't be reliable enough.

Op. I guess I was worried about her flaking on me and I felt guilty about not paying her. I really wanted to pay her but I didn't know where to start. I thought about paying her a nanny rate but it would have been really expensive. My son would have been watching lots of TV I suspect and they do not have a playground in her community. She does freak out prematurely about her daughter getting sick. I should have seen this coming. She has also been trying to start an in home daycare but can't find clients. She told me that she meets families but they don't call her back. This has been a good learning experience for me. I am not comfortable with home daycare anymore. I think in my area in home daycares are not professional. I have met a lot of moms who are not shy about leaving the TV on all day and they want to bring my child on errands. Maybe it's a regional thing. I live in the south.

Where do you live? Your options are probably pretty limited if it's a small town.

My in-home is super professional. They send out a curriculum and menu and they would never dream of going on errands with the child or doing housework while the children are there. If one of the workers has an emergency or is ill we get a text telling us who is out (one of the two main providers is always there) and who the substitute will be (we know them all).

Op. That's great. I haven't been able to find a professional in home daycare. My friend wanted to charge the same as a daycare center. She sent me a message yesterday. It makes sense to go with a daycare center. I want my child to play outside. My friend doesn't have a playground in her community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP don't dwell on this. Your friend is not professional. This in home daycare would have never worked out anyway. How could you leave your child with someone who doesn't drive? What are you thinking?

why on earth is it a requirement for the childcare provider to drive? Do you really expect a stay at home mom daycare provider to have a van with 6 properly installed car seats into? Who would watch the kids while she’s putting the kids in one by one? Where on earth do they need to go? If there’s an emergency she’ll call 911 and let them do any necessary driving while the parents leave work and meet them at the hospital and she stays home with the remaining kids. Not being able to driving is the dumbest reason to pass on a child care provider.

Right not her friend doesn't have an in home daycare so that's really not relevant. Also why doesn't she have a driver's license? Op doesn't live in New York. That's a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, maybe she wanted another kid for her kid to play with. I would rather have 2 kids than one. If they are similar ages they can play together. She tried it and didn't like it. She should have spoken up immediately. I still don't get what made you keep.checking in with her. I would have just said see you on Friday at pick up earlier in the week and left it at that. The additional outreach isn't normal a d shows you knew something was wrong. Is your child misbehave? I would likely cut back the friendship and now you know better for later. I had a friend who stayed home and i seriously debated letting her keep my kids to earn money. After tho king a out it I determined she just wouldn't be reliable enough.

Op. I guess I was worried about her flaking on me and I felt guilty about not paying her. I really wanted to pay her but I didn't know where to start. I thought about paying her a nanny rate but it would have been really expensive. My son would have been watching lots of TV I suspect and they do not have a playground in her community. She does freak out prematurely about her daughter getting sick. I should have seen this coming. She has also been trying to start an in home daycare but can't find clients. She told me that she meets families but they don't call her back. This has been a good learning experience for me. I am not comfortable with home daycare anymore. I think in my area in home daycares are not professional. I have met a lot of moms who are not shy about leaving the TV on all day and they want to bring my child on errands. Maybe it's a regional thing. I live in the south.

Where do you live? Your options are probably pretty limited if it's a small town.

My in-home is super professional. They send out a curriculum and menu and they would never dream of going on errands with the child or doing housework while the children are there. If one of the workers has an emergency or is ill we get a text telling us who is out (one of the two main providers is always there) and who the substitute will be (we know them all).

Op. That's great. I haven't been able to find a professional in home daycare. My friend wanted to charge the same as a daycare center. She sent me a message yesterday. It makes sense to go with a daycare center. I want my child to play outside. My friend doesn't have a playground in her community.

OP, does this mean that yesterday she acknowledged that she really did want you to pay, but at a higher rate than you had offered her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

LMAO

You weren't paying the woman and you said she was excited to start an at-home daycare. Meaning a business.

She was waiting for you to bring up the financial remuneration, when you didn't she cut her losses. If I were you I'd apologize and thank her for taking care of your child for free for a day and move on.

I think you're being harsh. I asked her many times if she wanted to be paid and she said NO. It was supposed to be a temporary thing for 1 month. I also brought her lunch and a $5 coffee the day she took care of my son. I have given her a ride to doctor appointments, story time and the grocery store many times. She said she wanted to help me out as a friend because I help her out too. She's a flakey person. If she wanted to be paid then she shouldn't have rejected everytime I brought it up. Anyway I am really happy with the school I toured today. I need professional childcare. My friend really screwed me over and she lied to me.

OP, consider this a valuable lesson. Did you think of her as a flakey person before all this happened? But believed that she would not flake out since she told you many times she didn't want to be paid? Sometimes you have to look at how people behave instead of taking them at their word. I agree that she was wrong in promising something that she would not follow through on. But it also sounds like you knew in your heart that she was flakey from the get-go when you should have been more cautious. Glad you found a place for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP don't dwell on this. Your friend is not professional. This in home daycare would have never worked out anyway. How could you leave your child with someone who doesn't drive? What are you thinking?

why on earth is it a requirement for the childcare provider to drive? Do you really expect a stay at home mom daycare provider to have a van with 6 properly installed car seats into? Who would watch the kids while she’s putting the kids in one by one? Where on earth do they need to go? If there’s an emergency she’ll call 911 and let them do any necessary driving while the parents leave work and meet them at the hospital and she stays home with the remaining kids. Not being able to driving is the dumbest reason to pass on a child care provider.

+1.

There is no reason for my child ever to be in a daycare provider's car or any other adult's car.

In order to maintain ratios, the providers must stay with the other kids and 911 will move the sick/hurt child.

If there's some emergency requiring evacuation a state-licensed daycare will have a written emergency and evacuation plan and a clear plan for getting all walking and non-walking kids out of the building with a spot in close walking distance where they can shelter in place and where parents would come get their kids. For an in-home this means they either have a key to another house nearby or they have permission from a local business that is open during the same hours to go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

LMAO

You weren't paying the woman and you said she was excited to start an at-home daycare. Meaning a business.

She was waiting for you to bring up the financial remuneration, when you didn't she cut her losses. If I were you I'd apologize and thank her for taking care of your child for free for a day and move on.

I think you're being harsh. I asked her many times if she wanted to be paid and she said NO. It was supposed to be a temporary thing for 1 month. I also brought her lunch and a $5 coffee the day she took care of my son. I have given her a ride to doctor appointments, story time and the grocery store many times. She said she wanted to help me out as a friend because I help her out too. She's a flakey person. If she wanted to be paid then she shouldn't have rejected everytime I brought it up. Anyway I am really happy with the school I toured today. I need professional childcare. My friend really screwed me over and she lied to me.

OP, consider this a valuable lesson. Did you think of her as a flakey person before all this happened? But believed that she would not flake out since she told you many times she didn't want to be paid? Sometimes you have to look at how people behave instead of taking them at their word. I agree that she was wrong in promising something that she would not follow through on. But it also sounds like you knew in your heart that she was flakey from the get-go when you should have been more cautious. Glad you found a place for your child.

I am glad you found a good daycare. This lady is never going to make it as a professional day care work or if she is so flaky. I agree that if you already considered her a flaky person they are not going to change overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you paying her?

Op. No she didn't want me to pay her! My son was only with her for 4 hour's yesterday. I texted her in the evening to confirm things were ok and she did not respond. I also sent her a Facebook message this morning. She is active on Facebook. I told her I would really like to pay an in home daycare rate but she said no. I thought I would buy her gift cards and things like that to show my appreciation. I am trying not to freak out but I have work on Friday. I need reliable childcare. My friend was so excited to do this.

LMAO

You weren't paying the woman and you said she was excited to start an at-home daycare. Meaning a business.

She was waiting for you to bring up the financial remuneration, when you didn't she cut her losses. If I were you I'd apologize and thank her for taking care of your child for free for a day and move on.

I think you're being harsh. I asked her many times if she wanted to be paid and she said NO. It was supposed to be a temporary thing for 1 month. I also brought her lunch and a $5 coffee the day she took care of my son. I have given her a ride to doctor appointments, story time and the grocery store many times. She said she wanted to help me out as a friend because I help her out too. She's a flakey person. If she wanted to be paid then she shouldn't have rejected everytime I brought it up. Anyway I am really happy with the school I toured today. I need professional childcare. My friend really screwed me over and she lied to me.

OP, consider this a valuable lesson. Did you think of her as a flakey person before all this happened? But believed that she would not flake out since she told you many times she didn't want to be paid? Sometimes you have to look at how people behave instead of taking them at their word. I agree that she was wrong in promising something that she would not follow through on. But it also sounds like you knew in your heart that she was flakey from the get-go when you should have been more cautious. Glad you found a place for your child.

Kind of. I don't know her well. We both didn't think this through. I offered her the same rate as the daycare center. In my area it's $260 per week for full-time care. This is at a daycare center inside my husband's office. Anyway I am leaving dcum for now. I have to get back to work. Thanks for all your help!