Friend who wanted to do childcare bailed

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the novelty of the childcare/"playdate" wore off quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't paying her? Seriously?

This.

Op. No. She was very adamant about not wanting me to pay her. I brought her a coffee from Starbucks and a sushi lunch. She told me I can repay her by being her friend and baby-sitting her daughter when she's giving birth. She's in her first trimester right now. I really wanted to pay her but she did not want me to! I was going to pay her in other ways like gift cards. I know childcare is hard work! I give gift cards to the women who work at the YMCA childcare all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she didn't just ignore your messages because everything is going fine and she thought she made that clear? If I tell someone "yes it's fine" and they keep asking, I start ignoring.

Op here. I don't think so. I didn't ask her if everything was fine yesterday until I sent her a text in the evening. I had to pickup my son on my lunch break and speed home so dh could take care of him the rest of the day. At this point I am going to tour a daycare. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about this arrangement. My friend really wanted to start a home daycare so I thought she would be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't paying her? Seriously?

This.

I could see this happening between friends. It gets weird when money is exchanged between friends.

[Anonymous]

Bring your child to her tomorrow morning.
If she hasn't told you the arrangement was off, why are you assuming it's off?
She may have other things to do than reply to an unimportant question (in her eyes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she didn't just ignore your messages because everything is going fine and she thought she made that clear? If I tell someone "yes it's fine" and they keep asking, I start ignoring.

Op here. I don't think so. I didn't ask her if everything was fine yesterday until I sent her a text in the evening. I had to pickup my son on my lunch break and speed home so dh could take care of him the rest of the day. At this point I am going to tour a daycare. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about this arrangement. My friend really wanted to start a home daycare so I thought she would be perfect.

NP. Home daycare providers get paid, OP.

When you say she "wanted to do childcare", was she talking about this before she knew you needed childcare? Or were you dropping hints left and right and finally she said that she'd be happy to do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she didn't just ignore your messages because everything is going fine and she thought she made that clear? If I tell someone "yes it's fine" and they keep asking, I start ignoring.

Op here. I don't think so. I didn't ask her if everything was fine yesterday until I sent her a text in the evening. I had to pickup my son on my lunch break and speed home so dh could take care of him the rest of the day. At this point I am going to tour a daycare. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about this arrangement. My friend really wanted to start a home daycare so I thought she would be perfect.

NP. Home daycare providers get paid, OP.

When you say she "wanted to do childcare", was she talking about this before she knew you needed childcare? Or were you dropping hints left and right and finally she said that she'd be happy to do it?

Op. Yes. She was actually looking for families. She asked me for advice. I wanted to pay her but she rejected the idea. I think she's weird about accepting money from friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Bring your child to her tomorrow morning.
If she hasn't told you the arrangement was off, why are you assuming it's off?
She may have other things to do than reply to an unimportant question (in her eyes).

Because she hasn't responded to me in 2 days. How hard is it to reply back? If she's not happy with this arrangement I need to know now so I can plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Stop a minute.
You asked if everything was fine, she didn't answer and based on that, you are assuming she doesn't want to continue the arrangement?

I'm missing something here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she didn't just ignore your messages because everything is going fine and she thought she made that clear? If I tell someone "yes it's fine" and they keep asking, I start ignoring.

Op here. I don't think so. I didn't ask her if everything was fine yesterday until I sent her a text in the evening. I had to pickup my son on my lunch break and speed home so dh could take care of him the rest of the day. At this point I am going to tour a daycare. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about this arrangement. My friend really wanted to start a home daycare so I thought she would be perfect.

NP. Home daycare providers get paid, OP.

When you say she "wanted to do childcare", was she talking about this before she knew you needed childcare? Or were you dropping hints left and right and finally she said that she'd be happy to do it?

Op. Yes. She was actually looking for families. She asked me for advice. I wanted to pay her but she rejected the idea. I think she's weird about accepting money from friends.

I think she was probably insulted when you grabbed your son and sped off. She doesn't want payment, because she thinks of herself as a friend, not an employee/daycare provider. She probably wanted you to hang out for a few minutes at least and talk about how cute her daughter is, what a good job she did, how grateful you are, and how you wish she'd let you pay her. It may not seem fair, but I suspect that's why you're getting the silent treatment, as opposed to her just telling you it isn't going to work out.

[Anonymous]

If it sounds too good to be true (like free childcare), it probably is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she didn't just ignore your messages because everything is going fine and she thought she made that clear? If I tell someone "yes it's fine" and they keep asking, I start ignoring.

Op here. I don't think so. I didn't ask her if everything was fine yesterday until I sent her a text in the evening. I had to pickup my son on my lunch break and speed home so dh could take care of him the rest of the day. At this point I am going to tour a daycare. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about this arrangement. My friend really wanted to start a home daycare so I thought she would be perfect.

NP. Home daycare providers get paid, OP.

When you say she "wanted to do childcare", was she talking about this before she knew you needed childcare? Or were you dropping hints left and right and finally she said that she'd be happy to do it?

Op. Yes. She was actually looking for families. She asked me for advice. I wanted to pay her but she rejected the idea. I think she's weird about accepting money from friends.

I think she was probably insulted when you grabbed your son and sped off. She doesn't want payment, because she thinks of herself as a friend, not an employee/daycare provider. She probably wanted you to hang out for a few minutes at least and talk about how cute her daughter is, what a good job she did, how grateful you are, and how you wish she'd let you pay her. It may not seem fair, but I suspect that's why you're getting the silent treatment, as opposed to her just telling you it isn't going to work out.

I agree with this. You treated her like hired help, except you didn't hire her.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't assume the arrangement is off until she says as such. Sh'es probably just busy or forgot to reply to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bring your child to her tomorrow morning.
If she hasn't told you the arrangement was off, why are you assuming it's off?
She may have other things to do than reply to an unimportant question (in her eyes).

Because she hasn't responded to me in 2 days. How hard is it to reply back? If she's not happy with this arrangement I need to know now so I can plan accordingly.

OK, you're going to have to give more details, because right now you're coming across as the loony one.
When she didn't reply to your evening question, you assumed she didn't want to take care of your child and have not contacted her since?
Perhaps she's wondering why you haven't left your child with her for two days, is wondering what on earth you thought had gone wrong, and is too chicken to call you, just like you're too chicken to call her?

Wow. I don't think your friendship can survive the two of you. But especially you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe something happened and she hasn't had a chance to respond.