Friend who wanted to do childcare bailed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Stop a minute.
You asked if everything was fine, she didn't answer and based on that, you are assuming she doesn't want to continue the arrangement?

I'm missing something here.

More to the story for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she didn't just ignore your messages because everything is going fine and she thought she made that clear? If I tell someone "yes it's fine" and they keep asking, I start ignoring.

Op here. I don't think so. I didn't ask her if everything was fine yesterday until I sent her a text in the evening. I had to pickup my son on my lunch break and speed home so dh could take care of him the rest of the day. At this point I am going to tour a daycare. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about this arrangement. My friend really wanted to start a home daycare so I thought she would be perfect.

NP. Home daycare providers get paid, OP.

When you say she "wanted to do childcare", was she talking about this before she knew you needed childcare? Or were you dropping hints left and right and finally she said that she'd be happy to do it?

Op. Yes. She was actually looking for families. She asked me for advice. I wanted to pay her but she rejected the idea. I think she's weird about accepting money from friends.

I think she was probably insulted when you grabbed your son and sped off. She doesn't want payment, because she thinks of herself as a friend, not an employee/daycare provider. She probably wanted you to hang out for a few minutes at least and talk about how cute her daughter is, what a good job she did, how grateful you are, and how you wish she'd let you pay her. It may not seem fair, but I suspect that's why you're getting the silent treatment, as opposed to her just telling you it isn't going to work out.

I agree with this. You treated her like hired help, except you didn't hire her.

Op here. I stayed for 10 minutes but I had to get back to work. I had a meeting at 1 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bring your child to her tomorrow morning.
If she hasn't told you the arrangement was off, why are you assuming it's off?
She may have other things to do than reply to an unimportant question (in her eyes).

Because she hasn't responded to me in 2 days. How hard is it to reply back? If she's not happy with this arrangement I need to know now so I can plan accordingly.

OK, you're going to have to give more details, because right now you're coming across as the loony one.
When she didn't reply to your evening question, you assumed she didn't want to take care of your child and have not contacted her since?
Perhaps she's wondering why you haven't left your child with her for two days, is wondering what on earth you thought had gone wrong, and is too chicken to call you, just like you're too chicken to call her?

Wow. I don't think your friendship can survive the two of you. But especially you.

Op here. This week it was just going to be 2 days. Next week I start full time. My training schedule is full time but I switch to part time after my training. I know I may be coming off as dramatic but I don't have back up childcare. I also don't want to switch childcare on my son a lot. If she's not ok with this arrangement I need to sign up for daycare ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bring your child to her tomorrow morning.
If she hasn't told you the arrangement was off, why are you assuming it's off?
She may have other things to do than reply to an unimportant question (in her eyes).

Because she hasn't responded to me in 2 days. How hard is it to reply back? If she's not happy with this arrangement I need to know now so I can plan accordingly.

OK, you're going to have to give more details, because right now you're coming across as the loony one.
When she didn't reply to your evening question, you assumed she didn't want to take care of your child and have not contacted her since?
Perhaps she's wondering why you haven't left your child with her for two days, is wondering what on earth you thought had gone wrong, and is too chicken to call you, just like you're too chicken to call her?

Wow. I don't think your friendship can survive the two of you. But especially you.

Op here. This week it was just going to be 2 days. Next week I start full time. My training schedule is full time but I switch to part time after my training. I know I may be coming off as dramatic but I don't have back up childcare. I also don't want to switch childcare on my son a lot. If she's not ok with this arrangement I need to sign up for daycare ASAP.

I would be freaking out too OP. I don't think you're overreacting at all.

[Anonymous]

Sign up for daycare. She doesn't sound reliabile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sign up for daycare. She doesn't sound reliabile.

+1

If my friend or nanny did not confirm that everything was fine the first day I would assume they're not happy.

[Anonymous]

Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

She lied.
Find alternative and permanent care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

This is why this childcare setup won't work. Good that you found out as soon as you did.

[Anonymous]

She lied. What a flakey friend. I would keep her as an acquaintance for now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

She lied.
Find alternative and permanent care.

She sounds dramatic. Is she always like this? A low grade fever is totally normal after a flu shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

Sounds made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

Sounds made up.

Yes, and we suspect why - OP has shown herself to be ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

Sounds made up.

Yes, and we suspect why - OP has shown herself to be ungrateful.

I don't know the whole story but OP sounds fine. She had to get back to a meeting. She picked up her child on her lunch break. Bringing coffee, sushi and chatting for 10 minutes sounds reasonable to me. It sounds like her friend realized it was harder than she thought it would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. She responded and said her daughter came down with a fever after getting her flu shot and she can't take care of my son on Friday.

She lied.
Find alternative and permanent care.

+1