I think my MIL overstepped

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP here. I also think the MIL may have had good intentions so am not def. suggesting the OP say anything, I just think that it's ridiculous to tell anyone (especially someone at risk for depression, as any PP mother is) that she should be only consumed with paying attention to her baby and not her own needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people feel the need to announce they are in labor and gather an audience? Just let your friends and family know the baby had arrived at some point within a day of its birth. Sheesh.

Because some women enjoy making a spectacle of their pregnancy. The detailed week-by-week posts on social media, elaborate pregnancy and gender reveals, and then once they actually go into labor they want an audience and everyone to know how much they’re dilated.

+1

Maybe it's not an "audience" that the women are seeking but support from loved ones? Just a thought. Sure some women want to make a spectacle of their pregnancies and births but many others just want to have family and friends near to share an emotional, exciting, scary, joyous time in their lives. I'm not speaking from personal experience. I didn't want anyone except my husband (and hospital staff) there for my births. But I don't think one should immediately assume that anyone who lets loved ones know when they're in labor and/or wants friends and family there is some kind of narcissist.

You raise a good point. I'm the +1. I guess the kicker for me is that it is 2 weeks later. The baby is hopefully at home and thriving, yet here is OP stomping her feet about how she was wronged. I get it that she wanted her friend there for some reason but it is over now. It is hard to see that OP has her baby's best interests at heart when all she can do is focus on what happened to her in L&D.

You are as rude as the MIL. Op, ignore this.

''

Actually, OP, pay close attention to this. You have a lovely new being in your life and you are so wrapped up in something so unimportant. There was a misunderstanding, your MIL may have overstepped, but you have a sweet new baby that you should be thinking about and paying attention to.

Oh, please. Why are new mothers supposed to have only angelic and wonderful thoughts or they are shamed? The MIL in law overstepped by speaking for the DIL out of turn during a moment that was about the DIL. It bugs the DIL, and the DIL is very right to consider staying something as I would guess this is about something much larger. My own MIL overstepped after the birth of my first child and it was one boundary-crossing after another until I said something.

O.k. you said something. Did your MIL come up with good reasons as to why she was overstepping, I mean did you really discover a larger meaning behind her boundary issues or did you more or less lay down the law with her?

Seriously. Shooing Op's good friend away and then sending a follow up Facebook post telling her to "stay away this is family time" is just plain rude. Even if she thought that shooing the friend away was the right thing to do she should not have been so doggone rude about it.

Generally if someone is a patient in The Hospital you don't go out of your way to create issues for them. Op shouldn't have had to spend a minute of her time clearing this up with her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

I love how posters are trying to place the blame on the husband for not running better interference, the friend for telling the Op about it in the first place.....when the one who is actually 110% percent responsible for this nastiness is MIL. MIL did it, MIL gets to own it. If Op thinks that there is anyway that this could have all been a misunderstanding and pure stupidity on MIL's part then maybe pretend it never happened and move on. BUT, the way that Op describes this incident it was not an accident, it sure sounds deliberate to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people feel the need to announce they are in labor and gather an audience? Just let your friends and family know the baby had arrived at some point within a day of its birth. Sheesh.

Because some women enjoy making a spectacle of their pregnancy. The detailed week-by-week posts on social media, elaborate pregnancy and gender reveals, and then once they actually go into labor they want an audience and everyone to know how much they’re dilated.

+1

Maybe it's not an "audience" that the women are seeking but support from loved ones? Just a thought. Sure some women want to make a spectacle of their pregnancies and births but many others just want to have family and friends near to share an emotional, exciting, scary, joyous time in their lives. I'm not speaking from personal experience. I didn't want anyone except my husband (and hospital staff) there for my births. But I don't think one should immediately assume that anyone who lets loved ones know when they're in labor and/or wants friends and family there is some kind of narcissist.

You raise a good point. I'm the +1. I guess the kicker for me is that it is 2 weeks later. The baby is hopefully at home and thriving, yet here is OP stomping her feet about how she was wronged. I get it that she wanted her friend there for some reason but it is over now. It is hard to see that OP has her baby's best interests at heart when all she can do is focus on what happened to her in L&D.

You are as rude as the MIL. Op, ignore this.

''

Actually, OP, pay close attention to this. You have a lovely new being in your life and you are so wrapped up in something so unimportant. There was a misunderstanding, your MIL may have overstepped, but you have a sweet new baby that you should be thinking about and paying attention to.

Nope, the Facebook message clearly shows this was not a misunderstanding nor is it unimportant if op wanted the support of her friend and MIL ruined it. Op can still enjoy her baby and be upset by MIL overstepping boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On guard, OP! This is only the beginning.

Yep, this will happen again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

I'm not a MIL, just to get that out there.

But I think one thing a lot of posters are missing here is that while your friend might be more important to YOU, and you are important as you are birthing, your friend (hopefully) will not be more important to your CHILD than your ILs. Your ILs aren't ILs to your baby, they are their grandparents. In the story of your child's life, the fact that her grandparents (on both sides) are there is more important than your friend. In the story of YOUR life it is more important that your friend is there. Both are fine but the perspectives of everyone are different so miscommunication is so easy.

There's nothing wrong with having friends at your birth if you want them there, but PP is right about how older generations view the divide between friends and family. This doesn't mean MIL did the right thing, but it puts her actions in context and it makes it make more sense. Unlikely to have been done out of malice and more of how MIL understands the difference between friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediate PP here. I also think the MIL may have had good intentions so am not def. suggesting the OP say anything, I just think that it's ridiculous to tell anyone (especially someone at risk for depression, as any PP mother is) that she should be only consumed with paying attention to her baby and not her own needs.

I think what PPs are saying is that this is a very emotional time and that focusing on her needs and the baby's needs is more important than focusing on a slight MIL may or may not have committed maliciously two weeks prior. That isn't saying OP shouldn't focus on her needs, its saying, hey you're in a hormonal tornado and dealing with a lot of life changes right now, why not focus on your health and your baby and think about how to handle this in 3 months. Or have DH talk to her now and put it entirely out of your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

I'm not a MIL, just to get that out there.

But I think one thing a lot of posters are missing here is that while your friend might be more important to YOU, and you are important as you are birthing, your friend (hopefully) will not be more important to your CHILD than your ILs. Your ILs aren't ILs to your baby, they are their grandparents. In the story of your child's life, the fact that her grandparents (on both sides) are there is more important than your friend. In the story of YOUR life it is more important that your friend is there. Both are fine but the perspectives of everyone are different so miscommunication is so easy.

There's nothing wrong with having friends at your birth if you want them there, but PP is right about how older generations view the divide between friends and family. This doesn't mean MIL did the right thing, but it puts her actions in context and it makes it make more sense. Unlikely to have been done out of malice and more of how MIL understands the difference between friends and family.

NP. I think what you're missing is while MIL might feel that way, she doesn't get to impose that on everyone else. And the mean-spirited FB message afterward is very telling of her motive. Maybe MIL gets the benefit of the doubt for the initial dismissal of the friend of that's all that happened, but to then send the FB message? Now it's no longer a simple "difference of opinion" and instead is a very obvious and intentional power play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

I'm not a MIL, just to get that out there.

But I think one thing a lot of posters are missing here is that while your friend might be more important to YOU, and you are important as you are birthing, your friend (hopefully) will not be more important to your CHILD than your ILs. Your ILs aren't ILs to your baby, they are their grandparents. In the story of your child's life, the fact that her grandparents (on both sides) are there is more important than your friend. In the story of YOUR life it is more important that your friend is there. Both are fine but the perspectives of everyone are different so miscommunication is so easy.

There's nothing wrong with having friends at your birth if you want them there, but PP is right about how older generations view the divide between friends and family. This doesn't mean MIL did the right thing, but it puts her actions in context and it makes it make more sense. Unlikely to have been done out of malice and more of how MIL understands the difference between friends and family.

NP. I think what you're missing is while MIL might feel that way, she doesn't get to impose that on everyone else. And the mean-spirited FB message afterward is very telling of her motive. Maybe MIL gets the benefit of the doubt for the initial dismissal of the friend of that's all that happened, but to then send the FB message? Now it's no longer a simple "difference of opinion" and instead is a very obvious and intentional power play.

I think what you are either missing or choosing not to read into my post is that I'm not saying MIL is right. I'm saying that understanding where she was coming from can put her actions in context. Someone can do the wrong thing for understandable reasons or they can do the wrong thing out of spite or jealously. If my MIL did something mean out of spite and jealously I would be much more angry than if she did it from a misguided sense of familial privacy intended to protect me. I can be upset in both instances, I can bring it up with her in both instances, but one is a MUCH more serious offense.

My mom would also be incredulous if a friend showed up to the hospital and I could see her sending a message like that. It wouldn't be a 'power play' it would be, like pp said, a person who can't fathom including someone outside the family circle at that time. She'd be wrong, but she wouldn't be acting maliciously. Those of you so eager to attribute malice to this woman are setting themselves up to have antagonistic relationships with their relatives. Think the best of others, you'll be right most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

I'm not a MIL, just to get that out there.

But I think one thing a lot of posters are missing here is that while your friend might be more important to YOU, and you are important as you are birthing, your friend (hopefully) will not be more important to your CHILD than your ILs. Your ILs aren't ILs to your baby, they are their grandparents. In the story of your child's life, the fact that her grandparents (on both sides) are there is more important than your friend. In the story of YOUR life it is more important that your friend is there. Both are fine but the perspectives of everyone are different so miscommunication is so easy.

There's nothing wrong with having friends at your birth if you want them there, but PP is right about how older generations view the divide between friends and family. This doesn't mean MIL did the right thing, but it puts her actions in context and it makes it make more sense. Unlikely to have been done out of malice and more of how MIL understands the difference between friends and family.

NP. I think what you're missing is while MIL might feel that way, she doesn't get to impose that on everyone else. And the mean-spirited FB message afterward is very telling of her motive. Maybe MIL gets the benefit of the doubt for the initial dismissal of the friend of that's all that happened, but to then send the FB message? Now it's no longer a simple "difference of opinion" and instead is a very obvious and intentional power play.

I think what you are either missing or choosing not to read into my post is that I'm not saying MIL is right. I'm saying that understanding where she was coming from can put her actions in context. Someone can do the wrong thing for understandable reasons or they can do the wrong thing out of spite or jealously. If my MIL did something mean out of spite and jealously I would be much more angry than if she did it from a misguided sense of familial privacy intended to protect me. I can be upset in both instances, I can bring it up with her in both instances, but one is a MUCH more serious offense.

My mom would also be incredulous if a friend showed up to the hospital and I could see her sending a message like that. It wouldn't be a 'power play' it would be, like pp said, a person who can't fathom including someone outside the family circle at that time. She'd be wrong, but she wouldn't be acting maliciously. Those of you so eager to attribute malice to this woman are setting themselves up to have antagonistic relationships with their relatives. Think the best of others, you'll be right most of the time.

I don't think there is ANY way to frame MIL's actions as right or proper, PP. I posted a couple pages ago that it is also important to note that the reason all this is coming out now is that MIL lied about what happened, said that the friend left on her own after she found out that OP was having a hard time in labor, and the friend only explained the situation recently.

I understand people who think that birth should be a family-only occasion, and that is fine for those people who feel that way. OP is clearly not one of them, since she specifically invited this friend to be present. The birth of a child marks a turning point in the relationship between children and parents/parents-in-law. MIL does not get to dictate who gets to be present and who is excluded any more than she gets to dictate whether the OP gets an epidural or not or what she names the child. This is an instance of MIL overstepping her role, and I personally feel that that behavior should be addressed and corrected before it turns into similar oversteps in her grandparent role.

I understand the "go along to get along" perspective. My best friend has a MIL who oversteps her boundaries a lot too, particularly w/r/t friends vs. family on special occasions, etc. My friend has historically written off what I would consider gross oversteps because she doesn't want to have a fight with her MIL. The result of that has been that her MIL has gradually insinuated herself into the kids' life in ways that seem, to me, to be attempts to overrule my friend and her husband. For example, MIL joined the PTA at the kids' school and added herself to the emergency contact list at the school such that when my friend's daughter fell down and hurt her leg, MIL was the one who got the call, picked up the kid, and took her to urgent care. She called my friend after they'd finished the doctor visit and didn't understand why anyone was upset or found this inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line.

I'm not a MIL, just to get that out there.

But I think one thing a lot of posters are missing here is that while your friend might be more important to YOU, and you are important as you are birthing, your friend (hopefully) will not be more important to your CHILD than your ILs. Your ILs aren't ILs to your baby, they are their grandparents. In the story of your child's life, the fact that her grandparents (on both sides) are there is more important than your friend. In the story of YOUR life it is more important that your friend is there. Both are fine but the perspectives of everyone are different so miscommunication is so easy.

There's nothing wrong with having friends at your birth if you want them there, but PP is right about how older generations view the divide between friends and family. This doesn't mean MIL did the right thing, but it puts her actions in context and it makes it make more sense. Unlikely to have been done out of malice and more of how MIL understands the difference between friends and family.

NP. I think what you're missing is while MIL might feel that way, she doesn't get to impose that on everyone else. And the mean-spirited FB message afterward is very telling of her motive. Maybe MIL gets the benefit of the doubt for the initial dismissal of the friend of that's all that happened, but to then send the FB message? Now it's no longer a simple "difference of opinion" and instead is a very obvious and intentional power play.

I think what you are either missing or choosing not to read into my post is that I'm not saying MIL is right. I'm saying that understanding where she was coming from can put her actions in context. Someone can do the wrong thing for understandable reasons or they can do the wrong thing out of spite or jealously. If my MIL did something mean out of spite and jealously I would be much more angry than if she did it from a misguided sense of familial privacy intended to protect me. I can be upset in both instances, I can bring it up with her in both instances, but one is a MUCH more serious offense.

My mom would also be incredulous if a friend showed up to the hospital and I could see her sending a message like that. It wouldn't be a 'power play' it would be, like pp said, a person who can't fathom including someone outside the family circle at that time. She'd be wrong, but she wouldn't be acting maliciously. Those of you so eager to attribute malice to this woman are setting themselves up to have antagonistic relationships with their relatives. Think the best of others, you'll be right most of the time.

I don't think there is ANY way to frame MIL's actions as right or proper, PP. I posted a couple pages ago that it is also important to note that the reason all this is coming out now is that MIL lied about what happened, said that the friend left on her own after she found out that OP was having a hard time in labor, and the friend only explained the situation recently.

I understand people who think that birth should be a family-only occasion, and that is fine for those people who feel that way. OP is clearly not one of them, since she specifically invited this friend to be present. The birth of a child marks a turning point in the relationship between children and parents/parents-in-law. MIL does not get to dictate who gets to be present and who is excluded any more than she gets to dictate whether the OP gets an epidural or not or what she names the child. This is an instance of MIL overstepping her role, and I personally feel that that behavior should be addressed and corrected before it turns into similar oversteps in her grandparent role.

I understand the "go along to get along" perspective. My best friend has a MIL who oversteps her boundaries a lot too, particularly w/r/t friends vs. family on special occasions, etc. My friend has historically written off what I would consider gross oversteps because she doesn't want to have a fight with her MIL. The result of that has been that her MIL has gradually insinuated herself into the kids' life in ways that seem, to me, to be attempts to overrule my friend and her husband. For example, MIL joined the PTA at the kids' school and added herself to the emergency contact list at the school such that when my friend's daughter fell down and hurt her leg, MIL was the one who got the call, picked up the kid, and took her to urgent care. She called my friend after they'd finished the doctor visit and didn't understand why anyone was upset or found this inappropriate.

Could you point out where I said MIL's actions were right or proper? I feel like you are intentionally reading my posts as to avoid my point. You don't react to someone doing the wrong thing the same way. You don't react to a murderer the same way you react to someone with a noise violation. Doesn't mean whatever crappy thing you did to get a noise violation is 'right and proper'.

[Anonymous]

Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

DP. But even if MIL motivations are placed in context I don’t understand why it is unfathomable for OP to politely explain to her MIL why her actions bothered her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

DP. But even if MIL motivations are placed in context I don’t understand why it is unfathomable for OP to politely explain to her MIL why her actions bothered her?

That isn't at all unfathomable. I'm not arguing against that at all.