I think my MIL overstepped

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

Oh please. Do you have a best friend? Does that person call you to vent about stuff in their life that is frustrating to them? Do you care about those things? I'm not "so personally invested" so much as have noticed over the years that letting smaller oversteps slide can and often does result in bigger oversteps. I think that "keeping it in the family at the hospital" is one thing and that it's a pretty big leap from MIL's preference of keeping it in the family to sending the friend away AND sending her a FB message telling her to stay away from the hospital AND then lying to the OP about why her friend left. Those actions do not sound to me like a person who is likely to stop overstepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

Oh please. Do you have a best friend? Does that person call you to vent about stuff in their life that is frustrating to them? Do you care about those things? I'm not "so personally invested" so much as have noticed over the years that letting smaller oversteps slide can and often does result in bigger oversteps. I think that "keeping it in the family at the hospital" is one thing and that it's a pretty big leap from MIL's preference of keeping it in the family to sending the friend away AND sending her a FB message telling her to stay away from the hospital AND then lying to the OP about why her friend left. Those actions do not sound to me like a person who is likely to stop overstepping.

Oh FFS you just want to paint this in the most horrible light possible. MIL came in and told her that friend came by and left because OP was having a hard time in labor. Yes she didn't say, 'I sent her away' probably because she thought that was her job, to send the friend away! And because coming into OP's room to meet her brand new grandchild isn't really the right moment to bring up that in MIL's mind, OP's friend showed up when she wasn't supposed to. I bet MIL believes (incorrectly) that OP's friend was in the wrong here. This is a wrong assumption and believe and its fine for OP to bring this up with MIL and correct her I just don't buy that it was done in spite. I think you are extrapolating an entire life's worth of slights against your friend (that your friend appears to not be that bent about but you feel she SHOULD be bent about) and applying that to this OP's MIL who has done only this one annoying eccentric thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

Oh please. Do you have a best friend? Does that person call you to vent about stuff in their life that is frustrating to them? Do you care about those things? I'm not "so personally invested" so much as have noticed over the years that letting smaller oversteps slide can and often does result in bigger oversteps. I think that "keeping it in the family at the hospital" is one thing and that it's a pretty big leap from MIL's preference of keeping it in the family to sending the friend away AND sending her a FB message telling her to stay away from the hospital AND then lying to the OP about why her friend left. Those actions do not sound to me like a person who is likely to stop overstepping.

Oh FFS you just want to paint this in the most horrible light possible. MIL came in and told her that friend came by and left because OP was having a hard time in labor. Yes she didn't say, 'I sent her away' probably because she thought that was her job, to send the friend away! And because coming into OP's room to meet her brand new grandchild isn't really the right moment to bring up that in MIL's mind, OP's friend showed up when she wasn't supposed to. I bet MIL believes (incorrectly) that OP's friend was in the wrong here. This is a wrong assumption and believe and its fine for OP to bring this up with MIL and correct her I just don't buy that it was done in spite. I think you are extrapolating an entire life's worth of slights against your friend (that your friend appears to not be that bent about but you feel she SHOULD be bent about) and applying that to this OP's MIL who has done only this one annoying eccentric thing.

I think you are determined to paint it in the most forgiving light possible. MIL's behavior was sneaky. Suggesting that the friend left of her own volition when MIL sent her away and then followed up with a message telling her to stay away is sneaky. As for my friend, she is plenty bent about it and vents about it and I mentioned that whole situation simply as an example of what can happen when repeated oversteps go unaddressed. I don't think ANY of it is done out of spite, but that doesn't make it okay or something that should just be forgiven or ignored. I think that OP should call her MIL out on this behavior now, since it's just come to her attention, in order to prevent future issues. You don't know that it's only this one thing. OP hasn't shared one way or the other whether this is a pattern. I was assuming that it was a pattern, based on my experiences. You were assuming that it wasn't. That's fine. OP is the one who knows for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also PP it is weird you are so personally invested in how your friend deals with HER MIL which is none of your business frankly.

I feel like you are projecting your feelings about your friend on this OP. There is a pretty big leap from 'keeping it family in the hospital when left in the waiting room with apparently no guidance from OP or her DH' and 'trying to name the child herself, give OP an epidural and become the emergency contact over mom.'

Oh please. Do you have a best friend? Does that person call you to vent about stuff in their life that is frustrating to them? Do you care about those things? I'm not "so personally invested" so much as have noticed over the years that letting smaller oversteps slide can and often does result in bigger oversteps. I think that "keeping it in the family at the hospital" is one thing and that it's a pretty big leap from MIL's preference of keeping it in the family to sending the friend away AND sending her a FB message telling her to stay away from the hospital AND then lying to the OP about why her friend left. Those actions do not sound to me like a person who is likely to stop overstepping.

Oh FFS you just want to paint this in the most horrible light possible. MIL came in and told her that friend came by and left because OP was having a hard time in labor. Yes she didn't say, 'I sent her away' probably because she thought that was her job, to send the friend away! And because coming into OP's room to meet her brand new grandchild isn't really the right moment to bring up that in MIL's mind, OP's friend showed up when she wasn't supposed to. I bet MIL believes (incorrectly) that OP's friend was in the wrong here. This is a wrong assumption and believe and its fine for OP to bring this up with MIL and correct her I just don't buy that it was done in spite. I think you are extrapolating an entire life's worth of slights against your friend (that your friend appears to not be that bent about but you feel she SHOULD be bent about) and applying that to this OP's MIL who has done only this one annoying eccentric thing.

I think you are determined to paint it in the most forgiving light possible. MIL's behavior was sneaky. Suggesting that the friend left of her own volition when MIL sent her away and then followed up with a message telling her to stay away is sneaky. As for my friend, she is plenty bent about it and vents about it and I mentioned that whole situation simply as an example of what can happen when repeated oversteps go unaddressed. I don't think ANY of it is done out of spite, but that doesn't make it okay or something that should just be forgiven or ignored. I think that OP should call her MIL out on this behavior now, since it's just come to her attention, in order to prevent future issues. You don't know that it's only this one thing. OP hasn't shared one way or the other whether this is a pattern. I was assuming that it was a pattern, based on my experiences. You were assuming that it wasn't. That's fine. OP is the one who knows for sure.

If I'm determined to paint it in the most vanilla light possible, you are determined to do the opposite which is just forcing both of us to keep digging our heels in.

The reality is that OP will know which one of us is right in 5-10 years when she has more data on MIL to aggregate into an opinion on her personality.

IMO believing what you believe now, before that data is aggregated, will taint interactions with negativity and is more likely to lead to an antagonistic relationship with MIL. I have REPEATEDLY said I think OP should bring it up, just not angrily and to not harbor resentment over it. I don't know what you want OP to do differently then what I suggested. Start WWIII over a hospital misunderstanding?

Of course maybe MIL is a pathological crazy jealous obsessive, sure that is possible! I hope for OP's case that is not the case. My point is that this incident does not prove that MIL is a PCJO. And OP should be watchful for a pattern, but there is no reason to start a huge fight over this. In my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Hospital visits are the overrated crap you see in movies. This should not still be bothering you (or more importantly, your friend who felt a need to mention it. Keep an eye on that behavior. She did not need to share her thoughts on this with you).

Has she since met the baby? You are fine? The baby is fine? Then what is the problem? Next time if you are such close friends, be clear with everyone that this friend is to be allowed in STAT. Why didn't she call you at the time if you are so close/closer than family? Why didn't you answer your phone if she called. Because you were in LABOR. Not your best moment; not your MIL's best moment. A blip in the scheme of things.

If you have issues with MIL, deal with it as it happens, don't hold on to it so it comes out in petty anxieties like this. Maybe be screened for PPD if you can't let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hospital visits are the overrated crap you see in movies. This should not still be bothering you (or more importantly, your friend who felt a need to mention it. Keep an eye on that behavior. She did not need to share her thoughts on this with you).

Has she since met the baby? You are fine? The baby is fine? Then what is the problem? Next time if you are such close friends, be clear with everyone that this friend is to be allowed in STAT. Why didn't she call you at the time if you are so close/closer than family? Why didn't you answer your phone if she called. Because you were in LABOR. Not your best moment; not your MIL's best moment. A blip in the scheme of things.

If you have issues with MIL, deal with it as it happens, don't hold on to it so it comes out in petty anxieties like this. Maybe be screened for PPD if you can't let this go.

Absolutely, OP. If you ever ask a question about someone's reaction, you need to be screened for mental illness.