Reply to I think my MIL overstepped

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think older generations see the "friends vs family" thing as a bigger divide than younger generations. In my family we don't let friends see us at our worst, only family. I'd frankly be annoyed my friend told me. She is making this about her by telling you and I think that's inappropriate. This should be a time for family bonding and further bonding w MIL and she kind of inserted a fart into it.

I'd concentrate on the positive- baby and family are all fine. MIL did something dumb in a time of stress- I'm sure she was worried during your labour about you and baby. No big deal.

If you get pg again, then's the time to address this clearly if the plan is for her to be at the hospital again "hey, I know you didn't think I'd want to see my friend, but I really did want to see her, so if when she shows up, please help welcome her in for a visit".[/quote]

-1

My close friends are my family of choice. They are closer to me than any ILs. If I made plans for my friend to be present and my MIL sent her away/left a FB message telling her to stay away, I would want to know. Because that's absolutely disrespectful to me and my family.

The MIL doesn't get to decide who is important to OP. If OP wanted the friend present, then the friend should've been present. MIL was out of line. [/quote]

I'm not a MIL, just to get that out there.

But I think one thing a lot of posters are missing here is that while your friend might be more important to YOU, and you are important as you are birthing, your friend (hopefully) will not be more important to your CHILD than your ILs. Your ILs aren't ILs to your baby, they are their grandparents. In the story of your child's life, the fact that her grandparents (on both sides) are there is more important than your friend. In the story of YOUR life it is more important that your friend is there. Both are fine but the perspectives of everyone are different so miscommunication is so easy.

There's nothing wrong with having friends at your birth if you want them there, but PP is right about how older generations view the divide between friends and family. This doesn't mean MIL did the right thing, but it puts her actions in context and it makes it make more sense. Unlikely to have been done out of malice and more of how MIL understands the difference between friends and family. [/quote]

NP.  I think what you're missing is while MIL might feel that way, she doesn't get to impose that on everyone else. And the mean-spirited FB message afterward is very telling of her motive.  Maybe MIL gets the benefit of the doubt for the initial dismissal of the friend of that's all that happened, but to then send the FB message? Now it's no longer a simple "difference of opinion" and instead is a very obvious and intentional power play.[/quote]

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