Life with AP after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

But wasn't this how it was at first with your ex? That's what I don't get. Relationships are always great at the beginning.

^This +1000. When it gets old and he gets bored get ready for him to cheat on you.

No. It was never like this. I married for religious reasons. He was emotionally abusive and that turned physical. Having sex with me in my sleep. When I asked for a divorce he sodomized me.
I never felt safe. When I met my "ap" it was the first time I felt completely safe. I fell in love with him on our first date. I liked that when he smiled he smiled his eyes crinkled. Several years later I still get butterflies when he says my name.
I am so fucking happy. I wish we met under different circumstances. He loves me more than anyone in my life has loved me and I him. I love his family too. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone and have them reciprocate. Several years into our relationship and he still worships the ground I walk on.

Everyone's story isn't the same.

FUCK. If that's true, then you have all of our blessings.

It's all true. After my ex husband raped me I came to dcum asking for advice because I was completely traumatised by it and didn't know what to do

I remember that thread, PP. Godspeed.

And according to Riddell's cover photo on Facebook, she and Partilla are still together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

[Anonymous]

My parents got divorced because my mom had an affair. My stepdad was also married and got divorced. They married within 6 months of my parents' divorce and they've been happily married for 25 years. It did cause a lot of issues with my mom's relationships with her family members but eventually everyone was able to move on and accept their marriage. As a teenager I had to work through a lot of resentment toward my mom and my stepdad but fortunately I had a good counselor who helped me work through it.

I realize they are the exception to the rule and most of the time it doesn't work out this way. FWIW, I don't believe my parents would have stayed married. They got married too young and for the wrong reasons. They are both better off with their 2nd spouse.

[Anonymous]

Child of divorce here. Dad left to marry AP. And I mean left as in left the state, set up shop elsewhere, I was not invited. They had kids, have an awesome life, we see each other. I spent years in therapy, medicated, serious self-esteem issues, two suicide attempts. Lost my V at 13, dated a pack of losers until I married one who seemed decent. He's a rageaholic. We split up.

Lately I've been the OW with guys who swear they'll never leave their wives. The minute they start talking divorce I'm out. It's a weird replay of my family of origin. I want to be the woman who finally wins the man, but I also want to fix the story so the dad never leaves. I've given up on having a normal relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child of divorce here. Dad left to marry AP. And I mean left as in left the state, set up shop elsewhere, I was not invited. They had kids, have an awesome life, we see each other. I spent years in therapy, medicated, serious self-esteem issues, two suicide attempts. Lost my V at 13, dated a pack of losers until I married one who seemed decent. He's a rageaholic. We split up.

Lately I've been the OW with guys who swear they'll never leave their wives. The minute they start talking divorce I'm out. It's a weird replay of my family of origin. I want to be the woman who finally wins the man, but I also want to fix the story so the dad never leaves. I've given up on having a normal relationship.

I'm sorry for what you've been through and hope you find peace.

[Anonymous]

I think it's not really the affair, it's that both people are crazy enough to have the affair. The ability to lie that much for that long, the willingness to be with someone you know is a cheater, and the poor relationship skills that cause you to cheat rather than work on the marriage. These are the underlying reasons that affair relationships fail and take other family relationships down with them. The affair is merely a symptom of the underlying craziness and selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's not really the affair, it's that both people are crazy enough to have the affair. The ability to lie that much for that long, the willingness to be with someone you know is a cheater, and the poor relationship skills that cause you to cheat rather than work on the marriage. These are the underlying reasons that affair relationships fail and take other family relationships down with them. The affair is merely a symptom of the underlying craziness and selfishness.

This is Spot. On.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's not really the affair, it's that both people are crazy enough to have the affair. The ability to lie that much for that long, the willingness to be with someone you know is a cheater, and the poor relationship skills that cause you to cheat rather than work on the marriage. These are the underlying reasons that affair relationships fail and take other family relationships down with them. The affair is merely a symptom of the underlying craziness and selfishness.

This is Spot. On.

+1. Once I accepted the underlying reality that my mom is a nut, I was able to make sense of things a lot better. I had to give up on having a real relationship with her, but it's a lot simpler now that I accept she is crazy and stop trying to talk through our issues.

Of course, she would say that we're all a big happy family. But that's just because I've given up trying to persuade her otherwise. A certain distance from reality seems to be a common trait of cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

PP, does it bother you that your man has proven he will break his marriage vows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

PP, does it bother you that your man has proven he will break his marriage vows?

No. It bothers me that he didn't leave sooner. They were in therapy for nearly a decade. He should have left when she said voices were telling her to kill his dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

PP, does it bother you that your man has proven he will break his marriage vows?

No. It bothers me that he didn't leave sooner. They were in therapy for nearly a decade. He should have left when she said voices were telling her to kill his dogs.

Oh yeah she's batshit crazy except woops, sounds like she has primary custody of the kid. Hmmmm.

Holy delusion Batman. Obvs you cheat and lie but the saddest lies are the ones you tell yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

PP, does it bother you that your man has proven he will break his marriage vows?

No. It bothers me that he didn't leave sooner. They were in therapy for nearly a decade. He should have left when she said voices were telling her to kill his dogs.

Oh yeah she's batshit crazy except woops, sounds like she has primary custody of the kid. Hmmmm.

Holy delusion Batman. Obvs you cheat and lie but the saddest lies are the ones you tell yourself.

No they have 50/50 custody