Life with AP after divorce

[Anonymous]

Uh, OP? Still around? How's all this going down with you?

[Anonymous]

+1. If she's that nuts, why does she have custody and how can your perfect man live with the knowledge that his child is in the care of a lunatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1. If she's that nuts, why does she have custody and how can your perfect man live with the knowledge that his child is in the care of a lunatic?

He doesn't believe she would ever harm the child. I think he's naive. He also says children need both of their parents. Like I said in a pp wives are painted like saints on this forum. I don't like to argue I don't care to go back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1. If she's that nuts, why does she have custody and how can your perfect man live with the knowledge that his child is in the care of a lunatic?

He doesn't believe she would ever harm the child. I think he's naive. He also says children need both of their parents. Like I said in a pp wives are painted like saints on this forum. I don't like to argue I don't care to go back and forth.

No offense, because I don't think you're terrible, but if you have yet to meet the kid, how do you think you know anything about the wife, or even an entire aspect of your husband's life and personality? He's a dad and you've never seen him in that role or had to adjust to his kid and your role in that kids life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1. If she's that nuts, why does she have custody and how can your perfect man live with the knowledge that his child is in the care of a lunatic?

He doesn't believe she would ever harm the child. I think he's naive. He also says children need both of their parents. Like I said in a pp wives are painted like saints on this forum. I don't like to argue I don't care to go back and forth.

No offense, because I don't think you're terrible, but if you have yet to meet the kid, how do you think you know anything about the wife, or even an entire aspect of your husband's life and personality? He's a dad and you've never seen him in that role or had to adjust to his kid and your role in that kids life.

+1. Stepmothering us going to be quite an adjustment. It's nothing like your dreamy affair.

Poor naive other woman, believing everything her AP tells her...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

But wasn't this how it was at first with your ex? That's what I don't get. Relationships are always great at the beginning.

^This +1000. When it gets old and he gets bored get ready for him to cheat on you.

No. It was never like this. I married for religious reasons. He was emotionally abusive and that turned physical. Having sex with me in my sleep. When I asked for a divorce he sodomized me.
I never felt safe. When I met my "ap" it was the first time I felt completely safe. I fell in love with him on our first date. I liked that when he smiled he smiled his eyes crinkled. Several years later I still get butterflies when he says my name.
I am so fucking happy. I wish we met under different circumstances. He loves me more than anyone in my life has loved me and I him. I love his family too. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone and have them reciprocate. Several years into our relationship and he still worships the ground I walk on.

Everyone's story isn't the same.

FUCK. If that's true, then you have all of our blessings.

It's all true. After my ex husband raped me I came to dcum asking for advice because I was completely traumatised by it and didn't know what to do

I remember that thread, PP. Godspeed.

And according to Riddell's cover photo on Facebook, she and Partilla are still together.

Does it say on Facebook whether their children have lost all respect for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1. If she's that nuts, why does she have custody and how can your perfect man live with the knowledge that his child is in the care of a lunatic?

He doesn't believe she would ever harm the child. I think he's naive. He also says children need both of their parents. Like I said in a pp wives are painted like saints on this forum. I don't like to argue I don't care to go back and forth.

No offense, because I don't think you're terrible, but if you have yet to meet the kid, how do you think you know anything about the wife, or even an entire aspect of your husband's life and personality? He's a dad and you've never seen him in that role or had to adjust to his kid and your role in that kids life.

Sounds like a stellar dad! If children need both their parents, he should go be with his child. "My mom's a nut, but things got a lot better when my dad started cheating", said no child ever.

Funny how first wives are so often crazy enough to justify the affair, crazy enough to delay the divorce, but not too crazy to do all the parenting work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1. If she's that nuts, why does she have custody and how can your perfect man live with the knowledge that his child is in the care of a lunatic?

He doesn't believe she would ever harm the child. I think he's naive. He also says children need both of their parents. Like I said in a pp wives are painted like saints on this forum. I don't like to argue I don't care to go back and forth.

No offense, because I don't think you're terrible, but if you have yet to meet the kid, how do you think you know anything about the wife, or even an entire aspect of your husband's life and personality? He's a dad and you've never seen him in that role or had to adjust to his kid and your role in that kids life.

Sounds like a stellar dad! If children need both their parents, he should go be with his child. "My mom's a nut, but things got a lot better when my dad started cheating", said no child ever.

Funny how first wives are so often crazy enough to justify the affair, crazy enough to delay the divorce, but not too crazy to do all the parenting work.

This. So much this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

But wasn't this how it was at first with your ex? That's what I don't get. Relationships are always great at the beginning.

^This +1000. When it gets old and he gets bored get ready for him to cheat on you.

No. It was never like this. I married for religious reasons. He was emotionally abusive and that turned physical. Having sex with me in my sleep. When I asked for a divorce he sodomized me.
I never felt safe. When I met my "ap" it was the first time I felt completely safe. I fell in love with him on our first date. I liked that when he smiled he smiled his eyes crinkled. Several years later I still get butterflies when he says my name.
I am so fucking happy. I wish we met under different circumstances. He loves me more than anyone in my life has loved me and I him. I love his family too. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone and have them reciprocate. Several years into our relationship and he still worships the ground I walk on.

Everyone's story isn't the same.

FUCK. If that's true, then you have all of our blessings.

It's all true. After my ex husband raped me I came to dcum asking for advice because I was completely traumatised by it and didn't know what to do

I remember that thread, PP. Godspeed.

And according to Riddell's cover photo on Facebook, she and Partilla are still together.

Does it say on Facebook whether their children have lost all respect for them?

No, it says they have a full, noisy life with more people and more love and it's awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

PP, does it bother you that your man has proven he will break his marriage vows?

No. It bothers me that he didn't leave sooner. They were in therapy for nearly a decade. He should have left when she said voices were telling her to kill his dogs.

Oh yeah she's batshit crazy except woops, sounds like she has primary custody of the kid. Hmmmm.

Holy delusion Batman. Obvs you cheat and lie but the saddest lies are the ones you tell yourself.

No they have 50/50 custody

So the domestic bliss you describe is only 50% of the time?? This just keeps getting sadder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't married yet. I left my spouse, and then he left his wife. It's better than I imagined it would be. Some days we do nothing at all. He sits on the couch working, and I'm curled up next to him reading.
I like that he comes home to me, and I have dinner ready. I like that he does my laundry. I like that we spend time with friends together and go on road trips without his phone blowing up. My blood pressure is much better. I enjoy pillow talk. I like constantly hearing "we". I'm happy to have finally met his family. The best thing is he doesn't go back to her at night.

THIS is what we all want. Well, OK, this is what I want.

Ugh. How long has it been? Sounds like no kids.

He has 1 child. He's very active in Dc's life. I don't want to meet dc until after the divorce is final.

Ha.

+1. Oh dear.

Does his family know that he cheated with you?

Yes. His marriage was over a long time before I showed up. He didn't leave because he didn't want to leave for many reasons I won't go into. His family didn't like her and the way she treated him. I know the wives on these boards are painted like saints but no one likes this woman.

Well, actually it's kind of a cliche that the first wives are blamed for everything and called crazy, but that's what women say when they are in love with married men. But you seem to have a sane perspective on your situation so I wish you well.

PP, does it bother you that your man has proven he will break his marriage vows?

No. It bothers me that he didn't leave sooner. They were in therapy for nearly a decade. He should have left when she said voices were telling her to kill his dogs.

Oh yeah she's batshit crazy except woops, sounds like she has primary custody of the kid. Hmmmm.

Holy delusion Batman. Obvs you cheat and lie but the saddest lies are the ones you tell yourself.

No they have 50/50 custody

So the domestic bliss you describe is only 50% of the time?? This just keeps getting sadder.

I agree. I sympathize with PP in that her previous marriage sounds like a nightmare. But rather than spend time alone focusing on healing and figuring out what she would like in a partner next time around, she jumped into a relationship with a married man who shares his life in bits and pieces. She doesn't know his kid, doesn't know him as a father, and is evidently only around him 50% of the time if she hasn't met the kid and dad has 50/50 custody.

PP, you can do better. You surely lack the self-esteem and self-respect that allows you to know that, given the abuse in your past relationship, but you do. You don't have to settle for this just because he's the first person who has shown you love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I have seen, these relationships rarely last. Even when they do, they are not happy relationships. They're just trying to prove to the world that all the pain they caused was worth it because it's true love. But they're actually miserable. People who get involved in affairs are often troubled and/or disordered and it makes things that much harder. I'm sure it can work out, I just don't think it's common.

Not necessarily. Some people haven't developed an inner conscience or sense of right and wrong to the extent that would cause them to feel any guilt for hurting others. They operate from an "all about me" and "what I want is all that matters."

[Anonymous]

PP: You're funny. I can't win. If I said he was with his kid 25% of the time you would criticize him. If I said I had met the child you would think I was an evil woman who couldn't wait until the divorce was finalized. We don't live in the same area 50% is fine. I am not some woman who doesn't have her own life. I work long hours ( 2 jobs), I have hobbies, friends, and I volunteer a few times a month. I am still young and want to have a substantial amount of money in my bank accounts in the next few years.
I am very fulfilled. I have never needed a man to complete me.

[Anonymous]

Also I know he's not perfect. The other night we were watching a show ( every few months we binge on a new show together). I looked at him crinkled my nose " Did you just fart?".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP: You're funny. I can't win. If I said he was with his kid 25% of the time you would criticize him. If I said I had met the child you would think I was an evil woman who couldn't wait until the divorce was finalized. We don't live in the same area 50% is fine. I am not some woman who doesn't have her own life. I work long hours ( 2 jobs), I have hobbies, friends, and I volunteer a few times a month. I am still young and want to have a substantial amount of money in my bank accounts in the next few years.
I am very fulfilled. I have never needed a man to complete me.

Hum. If you have two jobs, volunteer, have friends and a complete life, when do you have time to curl up next to him and read while he works?