Anyone else experience this when discussing school choice?

[Anonymous]

You will suffer long term, as will your children when you USE them for self worth. Remember, children are accepted at schools. Parents are not. Crazies!

[Anonymous]

My DC got into a "top 3" and it turned out to be a terrible experience. I now laugh when I see anyone get worked up about this -- its just the wrong thing to focus on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so hard people. If your kid had lots of acceptances, play down and don't brag or be smug. Have empathy for others that didn't do as well (cuz at some point your DC will be on the receiving end of rejections, trust me). If your kid didn't have success this time, be gracious to those that did. It's not a failing or a judgment on your kid or your family, it's a bit of a crapshoot.

Apparently, playing down and empathy are really hard for some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so hard people. If your kid had lots of acceptances, play down and don't brag or be smug. Have empathy for others that didn't do as well (cuz at some point your DC will be on the receiving end of rejections, trust me). If your kid didn't have success this time, be gracious to those that did. It's not a failing or a judgment on your kid or your family, it's a bit of a crapshoot.

Apparently, playing down and empathy are really hard for some people.

Apparently, being an adult and controlling your envy are really hard for some people. Please, not right to the DCs face. Remember YOU are an ADULT, they are a CHILD. You can do it if you try. Just keep repeating...Me, adult, them child...

[Anonymous]

but its more than that! Our children can feel the weight of our worries about them.. who they are friends with, where they get into school, what they know, if they can read, if they score a goal in soccer.

do you think that their LIFE long success is determined by their school? if they do really well in any school -- public or private -- they will go to a top college.. and the verdict is out which college makes a difference to their success as adults. sometimes this sight really depresses me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really do not understand the "compassion" Others are jealous and behave badly? So they need a lot of compassion? Or they know that they won't see the OP much anymore so they are mean? Why the compassion?

You are far too reasonable to be on this website let alone in this forum!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because I think OP was tone deaf on this issue doesn't mean I have sour grapes about her child's success. FWIW my kids have had their share of acceptances and rejections at "several of the top 5 schools" as well. Oops, now I'm humble bragging.

Same here! We turned these top privates down for magnets, and now DC is going to an ivy.

Guess what? I posted that OP is clueless and tone deaf, and I believe that. When people asked me about colleges, I had a ready answer that involved a lot of eyerolling about luck and how DC fit a really special niche (not a hook) they needed, all to make it seem like this wasn't a judgment on their kids. It's not hard to be kind and thoughtful in this process, and it costs nothing when you're already really happy about your own kid's outcome. It just seems like OP is absorbed in her own wonderfulness that she doesn't want to make the effort.

False modesty is just as obnoxious as ill-concealed envy. How does this model or teach maturity to your kids? It only teaches that it's reasonable to be envious of others and to expect others to downplay their successes because you are too fragile to accept reality. Not a lesson I want my kids learning in either direction. Whatever happened to the expectation that we all shake hands, say "good game," and sulk in private or preferably not at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because I think OP was tone deaf on this issue doesn't mean I have sour grapes about her child's success. FWIW my kids have had their share of acceptances and rejections at "several of the top 5 schools" as well. Oops, now I'm humble bragging.

Same here! We turned these top privates down for magnets, and now DC is going to an ivy.

Guess what? I posted that OP is clueless and tone deaf, and I believe that. When people asked me about colleges, I had a ready answer that involved a lot of eyerolling about luck and how DC fit a really special niche (not a hook) they needed, all to make it seem like this wasn't a judgment on their kids. It's not hard to be kind and thoughtful in this process, and it costs nothing when you're already really happy about your own kid's outcome. It just seems like OP is absorbed in her own wonderfulness that she doesn't want to make the effort.

False modesty is just as obnoxious as ill-concealed envy. How does this model or teach maturity to your kids? It only teaches that it's reasonable to be envious of others and to expect others to downplay their successes because you are too fragile to accept reality. Not a lesson I want my kids learning in either direction. Whatever happened to the expectation that we all shake hands, say "good game," and sulk in private or preferably not at all?

Oh, grow up. Please. And grow some brain cells. Try to figure out the difference between "disappointment" and "envy." Also, try to figure out the difference between modesty and false modesty, if you can, although I suspect introspection is not your forte. Try to figure out the difference between a kids' sports game and a potentially life-changing event. Also, nobody here has ever said that envy is OK, so stop repeating that. And finally, stop pretending we're on the playing fields of Eton in order to justify your inability to feel comopassion.

Don't you have a clue what compassion is? It's empathy and understanding. By definition, it's with regard to someone who is suffering. Nobody on this thread has EVER said that envy is a good thing. I'm sure the disappointed parents don't want to feel envy. But they can't avoid it for a few weeks until they can get over it. So wipe that sh!t-eating grin off your smug mug, and join the human race.

(PS, don't come back at me with your lame retort about sour grapes, because I'm pretty sure you'd want your kid to trade places with my kid, I'm not naming the school though.)

[Anonymous]

If this is a representative sample of DC private school parents - cold, smug, rude, absolutely snotty to the less fortunate - then I'm horrified. You people are actually saying you don't understand compassion? You disgust me.

[Anonymous]

PS, don't come back at me with your lame retort about sour grapes, because I'm pretty sure you'd want your kid to trade places with my kid, I'm not naming the school though.)

I'm not the poster you were responding to, but just want to say -- I think your faux modesty is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is a representative sample of DC private school parents - cold, smug, rude, absolutely snotty to the less fortunate - then I'm horrified. You people are actually saying you don't understand compassion? You disgust me.

It's a representative sample of people who frequent this forum, certainly. But not at all representative of local private school parents in my opinion (parent of 3 kids in various schools).

[Anonymous]

New poster here. I'm admittedly lost in all the back-and-forth about who's being more of a jerk. So let me re-package the question in a way that might move this discussion forward ...

Pretend that our children attend a preschool together. We are friendly but not particularly close. Both of our children just went through the private school application process. My son Reginald was admitted to Sidwell, GDS, Beauvoir, and Maret for K, and he will be attending Sidwell next year. I don't know it, but your son Dominick got lots of rejections and WLs, and likely will be attending the local public school for K. We see each other at the preschool and after some preliminary small talk, you ask the question ...

YOU: So, where's little Reggie going to school for kindergarten next year?

How exactly should I respond to avoid giving offense? Should I ask where your child is going next year? Tell me what I should say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PS, don't come back at me with your lame retort about sour grapes, because I'm pretty sure you'd want your kid to trade places with my kid, I'm not naming the school though.)

I'm not the poster you were responding to, but just want to say -- I think your faux modesty is showing.

You are clueless. That was a preemptive strike against aholes like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

PS, don't come back at me with your lame retort about sour grapes, because I'm pretty sure you'd want your kid to trade places with my kid, I'm not naming the school though.)

I'm not the poster you were responding to, but just want to say -- I think your faux modesty is showing.

You are clueless. That was a preemptive strike against aholes like you.

Actually, no you were aiming at the "aholes" lobbing their "lame retort(s) about sour grapes". You missed! And, please do name the school -- I think other parents deserve some warning to watch out for you at PA meetings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

PS, don't come back at me with your lame retort about sour grapes, because I'm pretty sure you'd want your kid to trade places with my kid, I'm not naming the school though.)

I'm not the poster you were responding to, but just want to say -- I think your faux modesty is showing.

You are clueless. That was a preemptive strike against aholes like you.

Actually, no you were aiming at the "aholes" lobbing their "lame retort(s) about sour grapes". You missed! And, please do name the school -- I think other parents deserve some warning to watch out for you at PA meetings!

L.A.M.E.