Anyone else experience this when discussing school choice?

[Anonymous]

DC was accepted to several of the top 5 schools mentioned here. We have not mentioned the schools to other families at our current school. We chose one and now that the dust has settled and families are beginning to discuss the next step I feel that some famiies who I am certain applied to the school our DC will attend, and who may or may not have been offered a spot, are a bit standoffish. It's not like I ever bring it up but if they ask I answer and always ask where their DC is going in return as it seems to be the polite thing to do but what's with the attitude once they learn about were our child is going? Has anyone else experienced this? Or is it more of a now that we are all going separate ways I dont have to pretend to be nice thing? Not sure which is worse.

[Anonymous]

I honestly cannot believe this post.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? They may be disappointed that their DC didn't get in, and they don't have a good poker face when talking to you about it. You're moving on next year, so it won't matter. Just be nice.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest. A few years ago, my kid was in PK and about half of his class was applying out. We put together a list that we thought was realistic and had a wide range of schools.

In the end, my kid was the only one who applied to private and didn't end up with a spot we felt that we could accept. He did get into one school, but we needed significant financial aid and weren't offered any. Another school gave us the feedback that they weren't taking applicants that needed financial aid, but that we could move off the waitlist if we could find $30K (about 2/3 of our pretax income). Our first choice told us he was their first choice for Kindergarten but that they were full at that grade level.

I will admit that sometimes, when another parent came to us and talked about making a difficult choice between 2 schools that had been on our list, or about how their child was going to our first choice (he was in a mixed age class, and several younger kids go in in PK), or how their child was going to the school where I was an alumni, it hurt. And even though it was 100% not their fault, there might have been times when I became very quiet or turned away from conversations that I wasn't in a place to hear.

I don't think this is your fault OP, but you might need to realize that your friends need a little space right now.

[Anonymous]

Of course they're upset. You would be, too. Just be understanding.

honestly, you really can't see that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are insufferable and as you point out they no longer need to tolerate you. Relax and move on to your new school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not like I ever bring it up but if they ask I answer and always ask where their DC is going in return as it seems to be the polite thing to do but what's with the attitude once they learn about were our child is going?

OP says here that they are the ones asking. If they feel bad about not getting in somewhere then they shouldn't ask OP. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations, OP! You have been nominated for Best Humble Brag Post by a DCUM-er, Private/Independent Schools Division! Best of luck in your smackdown with the College Discussion Post "If I Don't Specifiy That My Child Got into a Top Ivy, Will People Think He's Going to Cornell?"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not like I ever bring it up but if they ask I answer and always ask where their DC is going in return as it seems to be the polite thing to do but what's with the attitude once they learn about were our child is going?

OP says here that they are the ones asking. If they feel bad about not getting in somewhere then they shouldn't ask OP. Simple.

80% of the hate-on-OP posters so far have missed this important fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, OP! You have been nominated for Best Humble Brag Post by a DCUM-er, Private/Independent Schools Division! Best of luck in your smackdown with the College Discussion Post "If I Don't Specifiy That My Child Got into a Top Ivy, Will People Think He's Going to Cornell?"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not like I ever bring it up but if they ask I answer and always ask where their DC is going in return as it seems to be the polite thing to do but what's with the attitude once they learn about were our child is going?

OP says here that they are the ones asking. If they feel bad about not getting in somewhere then they shouldn't ask OP. Simple.

80% of the hate-on-OP posters so far have missed this important fact.

Please. Nobody should ever ask another family where little Suzy is going next year?

People are entitled to ask. And they are entitled to deal with the answer as they see fit. The school process and the college process are similar in that both cause disappointment and maybe jealousy, and may even end friendships. It's perfectly normal, it's also unavoidable.

OP deserves censure for pretending she doesn't understand this totally predictable, totally natural fallout. Now whether OP is doing a humble brag or she's just dense, I couldn't say.

[Anonymous]

Even if the other parents DO ask where your DC is going... I think its kind of obvious that some folks with not as great luck as you will feel jealous. And to post about it on DCUM seems kind of odd. So, while I tend to give the benefit of the doubt, I have to agree with others that this is a humble brag.

[Anonymous]

Why ask if you cant deal with the answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not like I ever bring it up but if they ask I answer and always ask where their DC is going in return as it seems to be the polite thing to do but what's with the attitude once they learn about were our child is going?

OP says here that they are the ones asking. If they feel bad about not getting in somewhere then they shouldn't ask OP. Simple.

80% of the hate-on-OP posters so far have missed this important fact.

Please. Nobody should ever ask another family where little Suzy is going next year?

People are entitled to ask. And they are entitled to deal with the answer as they see fit. The school process and the college process are similar in that both cause disappointment and maybe jealousy, and may even end friendships. It's perfectly normal, it's also unavoidable.

OP deserves censure for pretending she doesn't understand this totally predictable, totally natural fallout. Now whether OP is doing a humble brag or she's just dense, I couldn't say.

OK, I'll agree with the bolded point.

You know who else deserves censure? The parents who ice you out when they don't like the answer to their competitive, striving, so Schadenfreude-I'm-oozing-it-out-my-pores questions.

You are unhinged if you would end an actual friendship over the imbalance in acceptances among your children. I kindly disagree that showing your jealousy and disappointment to the person you just asked (when you could've asked about, say, their ailing mother) is "natural."

[Anonymous]

This is not a problem. There are real problems. This is not one of them.