Anyone else experience this when discussing school choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

OP deserves censure for pretending she doesn't understand this totally predictable, totally natural fallout. Now whether OP is doing a humble brag or she's just dense, I couldn't say.

OK, I'll agree with the bolded point.

You know who else deserves censure? The parents who ice you out when they don't like the answer to their competitive, striving, so Schadenfreude-I'm-oozing-it-out-my-pores questions.

You are unhinged if you would end an actual friendship over the imbalance in acceptances among your children. I kindly disagree that showing your jealousy and disappointment to the person you just asked (when you could've asked about, say, their ailing mother) is "natural."

How did we get from OP's "standoffish" to your "ice you out" and "competitive, striving, so Schadenfreude-I'm-oozing-it-out-my-pores"? Exaggerate much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are insufferable and as you point out they no longer need to tolerate you. Relax and move on to your new school.

I am not sure how you get that out of the post. I thought it was an honest observation and I bet a lot of people are experiencing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I think the point of the original poster is that she feels hurt and left out because her child was more successful in getting into the school of her choice. Just because her friends kids couldn't get into the same school doesn't mean she wants to lose her friendships. OP I hope people come around but I often find in life from personal experience is that success is punished. Grin and bear it for the rest of the year. You will figure out who your true friends are.

[Anonymous]

OP as one who is in the same position, I will now say thank you! now to the mother who told me that there would be "haters" and that they would diss your school, your child and you -- simply from jealousy. It has nothing to do with you, what you said what you did -- truly all about them. Friends could barely choke out a congrats and one woman got so angry my DS said, "I thought she was going to hit you!" She asked, I answered. I did not bring it up. I am not going to lie for her benefit. Also, DS will be going there and it is public around their circle of friends. It is part of going to an elite school --not everyone is going to like it or be nice about it. People DO get VERY jealous, and some cannot continue the friendship because they feel so very much that it should have been their DC, not yours... Flame away, but that is the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP as one who is in the same position, I will now say thank you! now to the mother who told me that there would be "haters" and that they would diss your school, your child and you -- simply from jealousy. It has nothing to do with you, what you said what you did -- truly all about them. Friends could barely choke out a congrats and one woman got so angry my DS said, "I thought she was going to hit you!" She asked, I answered. I did not bring it up. I am not going to lie for her benefit. Also, DS will be going there and it is public around their circle of friends. It is part of going to an elite school --not everyone is going to like it or be nice about it. People DO get VERY jealous, and some cannot continue the friendship because they feel so very much that it should have been their DC, not yours... Flame away, but that is the truth.

Don't hate ne because I'm beautiful

How about a little understanding and compassion? You can afford it, you know. It's not incumbent on you to take this lofty Marie Antoinette attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP as one who is in the same position, I will now say thank you! now to the mother who told me that there would be "haters" and that they would diss your school, your child and you -- simply from jealousy. It has nothing to do with you, what you said what you did -- truly all about them. Friends could barely choke out a congrats and one woman got so angry my DS said, "I thought she was going to hit you!" She asked, I answered. I did not bring it up. I am not going to lie for her benefit. Also, DS will be going there and it is public around their circle of friends. It is part of going to an elite school --not everyone is going to like it or be nice about it. People DO get VERY jealous, and some cannot continue the friendship because they feel so very much that it should have been their DC, not yours... Flame away, but that is the truth.

Don't hate ne because I'm beautiful

How about a little understanding and compassion? You can afford it, you know. It's not incumbent on you to take this lofty Marie Antoinette attitude.

Not the PP you are quoting but understanding and compassion for whom? The other parents who are acting like brats because their child is not going to a given school for whatever reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP as one who is in the same position, I will now say thank you! now to the mother who told me that there would be "haters" and that they would diss your school, your child and you -- simply from jealousy. It has nothing to do with you, what you said what you did -- truly all about them. Friends could barely choke out a congrats and one woman got so angry my DS said, "I thought she was going to hit you!" She asked, I answered. I did not bring it up. I am not going to lie for her benefit. Also, DS will be going there and it is public around their circle of friends. It is part of going to an elite school --not everyone is going to like it or be nice about it. People DO get VERY jealous, and some cannot continue the friendship because they feel so very much that it should have been their DC, not yours... Flame away, but that is the truth.

Don't hate ne because I'm beautiful

How about a little understanding and compassion? You can afford it, you know. It's not incumbent on you to take this lofty Marie Antoinette attitude.

Not the PP you are quoting but understanding and compassion for whom? The other parents who are acting like brats because their child is not going to a given school for whatever reason?

Nevermind. You're right, disappointment is the exact same thing as brattiness. You're also right that there's no need for sensitivity from OP or yourself.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want you as a friend, and my kid DID get into a cathedral school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP as one who is in the same position, I will now say thank you! now to the mother who told me that there would be "haters" and that they would diss your school, your child and you -- simply from jealousy. It has nothing to do with you, what you said what you did -- truly all about them. Friends could barely choke out a congrats and one woman got so angry my DS said, "I thought she was going to hit you!" She asked, I answered. I did not bring it up. I am not going to lie for her benefit. Also, DS will be going there and it is public around their circle of friends. It is part of going to an elite school --not everyone is going to like it or be nice about it. People DO get VERY jealous, and some cannot continue the friendship because they feel so very much that it should have been their DC, not yours... Flame away, but that is the truth.

Don't hate ne because I'm beautiful

How about a little understanding and compassion? You can afford it, you know. It's not incumbent on you to take this lofty Marie Antoinette attitude.

Not the PP you are quoting but understanding and compassion for whom? The other parents who are acting like brats because their child is not going to a given school for whatever reason?

Nevermind. You're right, disappointment is the exact same thing as brattiness. You're also right that there's no need for sensitivity from OP or yourself.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want you as a friend, and my kid DID get into a cathedral school.

Yeah, still don't think you understand what the original post said but you are right, disapointment and brattiness are not the same thing. It's one thing to feel disapointment but to take it out on another is bratty. So what exactly should we feel compassion for bad behavior? Nothing in the original post implies that the OP was not showing compassion but merely asks if others have had the same experience. Additionally, I would say that inquiry into wether or not this was a common thing to happen when time at a school wraps up implies, to me, that OP has some interest in minting what she precieved to be friendships. Oh, and did you send your kid to a cathedral school or are you bitter because you didn't?

[Anonymous]

So they can't fake it. Big deal. Understand they are having trouble regulating their emotions/disappointment after a fraught process, and let it go. We chose a school that pretty much everyone told me would be full of arrogant jerks--at the time, I thought it was a little uncalled for, but I didn't end friendships over it. If you are happy with the outcome for your own child, try for a little patience with those who are acting poorly.

[Anonymous]

+1. I don't understand this need to nurse a sense of injury when you've basically won. You sound like a baby when you whinge that you're the injured party here, even if your friends aren't behaving perfectly. Why not try to be a better person than this. Show some compassion and understanding for people who need it. You might be surprised by the results.

It's corny but obvious: to get a friend you have to be a friend.

[Anonymous]

I really do not understand the "compassion" Others are jealous and behave badly? So they need a lot of compassion? Or they know that they won't see the OP much anymore so they are mean? Why the compassion?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my kid got into NCS and I wont be YOUR friend either. Mature. Very mature.

[Anonymous]

The way I read it the OP perceives that her "friends" are standoffish at her glorious news. I suspect that OP is probably rubbing it in the tiniest bit, and the friends may or may not actually care anyway. OP is probably projecting what she wants people to feel. She didn't cite any actual bad behavior from her friends, just a sense that they were being standoffish.

Not everyone has the same rankings of schools for their kids and even if other families applied to the same school it may not have been their first choice. That certainly happened to us - my DC applied to one of the big 3 schools but by the time the rejection came around months later DC had already decided it wasn't a good fit, as did we, so wasn't the least bit concerned about the rejection.

[Anonymous]

ENVY is consuming our society. Practice being satisfied.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe OPs friends are asking about schools if their kids did not get into the schools of their choice. It would run counterintuitive to human nature. Why ask a question that is going to be reciprocated and face the awkwardness or embarrassment of having to say your child did not get in. What I suspect is that OP is fishing for them to ask her so she can tell them or making an indirect comment that elicits the question about schools.