My niece lives with us and recently got engaged — navigating changing family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did they meet?

You said he’s in law school - does he study a lot? What year is he? If first or second, does he have a summer job? If third year, does he have a permanent job? Is he taking the bar this summer?

Has she met his friends? Does he have friends from college/law school?

They met on a dating app (Hinge). He’s in his third year, and will have a permanent job, and is taking the bar this summer, yes. She has met his friends.

My niece is my brothers child. She isn’t talking to her parents right now because she doesn’t want to have contact with them. Maybe that’ll change later, maybe it won’t. My niece isn’t lazy or incapable. She just wants to stay at home, and become a mother/wife. Circumstances can change and her fiancé might not be able to support her in the future, but she’ll always have family (including me), and her parents to turn to for help. My niece has life skills, and knows how to do a lot. Her parents have taught her so much. She’ll be fine. OP

Then what is your question?

She definitely sounds lazy to me! What does she do all day aside from your lightweight chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is working as your household help. I hope you are paying her.

She does so much for us, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, babysits, drives kids around, and much more.

Exactly! OP, she has a job. It's working for your family.

"...she still doesn’t work or seem to have any concrete plans, but she is of great help. She does so much for us, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, babysits, drives kids around, and much more."

[Anonymous]

This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is working as your household help. I hope you are paying her.

She does so much for us, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, babysits, drives kids around, and much more.

Exactly! OP, she has a job. It's working for your family.

"...she still doesn’t work or seem to have any concrete plans, but she is of great help. She does so much for us, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, babysits, drives kids around, and much more."

OP said "She occasionally helps with babysitting when breaks are needed, cooks breakfast and dinner a few times a week, and usually does the grocery shopping."

That's not very much work. It doesn't sound anything like full-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

That's not what is weird. The weird part is she'd rather be kicked out and homeless than get any job even part-time. That is abnormal.

The point of working is to learn skills and save money btw. If he's dumb enough to fall for this, he won't make much as a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

That's not what is weird. The weird part is she'd rather be kicked out and homeless than get any job even part-time. That is abnormal.

The point of working is to learn skills and save money btw. If he's dumb enough to fall for this, he won't make much as a lawyer.

She's not homeless. She lives with her auntie. She probably really didn't want to live with her parents, if they wouldn't be supportive of her dream to be a SAHM, so decided to move out. That's not weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

That's not what is weird. The weird part is she'd rather be kicked out and homeless than get any job even part-time. That is abnormal.

The point of working is to learn skills and save money btw. If he's dumb enough to fall for this, he won't make much as a lawyer.

She's not homeless. She lives with her auntie. She probably really didn't want to live with her parents, if they wouldn't be supportive of her dream to be a SAHM, so decided to move out. That's not weird.

NP-It's very weird, and not because she aspires to sah. The reality: she is unemployed, uneducated, and dating a much older student who supports her financially with mystery money, and does not want her to move in with him despite being engaged. Both of them also expect to be included with the aunt's family rather than go on their own vacations. If it's not fake, it's bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

That's not what is weird. The weird part is she'd rather be kicked out and homeless than get any job even part-time. That is abnormal.

The point of working is to learn skills and save money btw. If he's dumb enough to fall for this, he won't make much as a lawyer.

She's not homeless. She lives with her auntie. She probably really didn't want to live with her parents, if they wouldn't be supportive of her dream to be a SAHM, so decided to move out. That's not weird.

But OP says she was willing to be homeless.

It's not about her dream of being a SAHM! It's about her abnormal refusal to get any education or job whatsoever. That is what her parents won't support, because they have common sense and know unemployment is unhealthy.

The normal thing to do if your dream is to be a SAHM is get a job or some education relevant to your goal, and then be a SAHM. It's easier to be a SAHM if you have some money saved, and some relevant experience. She could for example take classes in child development or work as a nanny to infants and toddlers.

[Anonymous]

She can't move in with him! He would expect that she cook, clean, and manage the household. Which is waaaaay more than the minor errands and occasional babysitting that she does for OP.

[Anonymous]

Good for your niece, OP. I wish her an amazing future with her fiance. People here are jealous, and bitter. Jealous of a 19 year old girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for your niece, OP. I wish her an amazing future with her fiance. People here are jealous, and bitter. Jealous of a 19 year old girl.

Oh please. Definitely not even slightly jealous of this. It's a bad idea, all of it!

[Anonymous]

Brittney should have stayed married to the first dude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did her parents not make her get a job? I wouldn't just have her move out, I would make life at home unappealing until she got a job. Curfews, mandatory 6 am wake up, no good TV, no grocery requests, no spending money, flip phone, she gets 3 hots and a cot but aside from that life becomes bare-bones.

No, she is an adult.

Adults take responsibility for themselves. They don't just "choose" not to work and mooch off relatives in exchange for minimal household chores. And they certainly don't expect to invite their fiance on other people's vacations.

She can be treated as an adult when she acts like an adult.

She's still an adult. You can't force her to wake up at 6am, or not watch TV. You can't continue to boss your adult child around by manipulating them because their still financially dependent. Being financially dependent isn't what makes someone an adult, age does.

Yes you can wake people up, it's called Being Very Loud.

This isn't OP's child and OP has no obligation to support her at all. So if this overgrown teen wants to live in OP's house, OP can make any rules OP wants to. If the girl doesn't like it, she can move out and choose to get a job.

She has a fiance with his own apartment. Why isn't she living with him?

Maybe they are religous/conservative? Lots of couple don't cohabitate before getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

That's not what is weird. The weird part is she'd rather be kicked out and homeless than get any job even part-time. That is abnormal.

The point of working is to learn skills and save money btw. If he's dumb enough to fall for this, he won't make much as a lawyer.

She's not homeless. She lives with her auntie. She probably really didn't want to live with her parents, if they wouldn't be supportive of her dream to be a SAHM, so decided to move out. That's not weird.

NP-It's very weird, and not because she aspires to sah. The reality: she is unemployed, uneducated, and dating a much older student who supports her financially with mystery money, and does not want her to move in with him despite being engaged. Both of them also expect to be included with the aunt's family rather than go on their own vacations. If it's not fake, it's bizarre.

I'm sorry but you guys live in a bubble, you simply cannot fathom people making different lifestyle choices than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. Many young women all over the US, and the world, go straight from high school to married life. She doesn't need to go college or get a minimum wage job. She wouldn't even be able to afford living alone with a minimum wage job, so what's the point of her working if her man supports her financially? That's the way women lived in the past, and was the norm in ALL cultures and religions. Being a Stay at home daughter is a thing nowadays too. A lot of young women on social media live like that.

That's not what is weird. The weird part is she'd rather be kicked out and homeless than get any job even part-time. That is abnormal.

The point of working is to learn skills and save money btw. If he's dumb enough to fall for this, he won't make much as a lawyer.

She's not homeless. She lives with her auntie. She probably really didn't want to live with her parents, if they wouldn't be supportive of her dream to be a SAHM, so decided to move out. That's not weird.

But OP says she was willing to be homeless.

It's not about her dream of being a SAHM! It's about her abnormal refusal to get any education or job whatsoever. That is what her parents won't support, because they have common sense and know unemployment is unhealthy.

The normal thing to do if your dream is to be a SAHM is get a job or some education relevant to your goal, and then be a SAHM. It's easier to be a SAHM if you have some money saved, and some relevant experience. She could for example take classes in child development or work as a nanny to infants and toddlers.

You guys are latching on to this statement way too much. Teenagers say all sorts of stuff! It's not like she followed through on her threat to be homeless, she went right from her parents house to her aunt's house. Maybe if she had to actually fend for herself for a short time it would have changed her tune on finding a job.