First dates feel like job interviews

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

I wish they'd just go pay professionals instead of bothering women trying to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just looking for help/advice on how to have better dates and connect with people.

You seem sincere but might get bad advice on a forum full of women because women do not have experience planning dates. Experiment with dating different types of women. Warning - women in their young thirties tend to be anxious and hyper-focused on marriage.

How are you meeting these women? Your dating profile probably needs more charisma and less career.

Dates should be in the evening, casual and flexible, and involve alcohol. They should end near your place. No sit-down dinners. Maybe drinks and appetizers. Sit next to her, e.g., at a bar, high-top table, or in a booth. If she sits across from you, then tell her to look at a photo on your phone and sit next to her.

Good dates: Ice skating, bowling, carnival games like Skee-Ball or Whack-a-Mole, dancing, street food festival, drinks, free Kennedy Center shows (most days at 6:00). Then bounce for (more) drinks. Learn to play games such as Marry-Shag-Kill. Do not submit to boring interview questions. If a woman asks formulaic questions, then you can tell her you are not there to audition. Or just say "boring!" Or ignore it. If a women turns your date into an interview or multilevel marketing pitch then she has violated the social contract. You are paying and should not tolerate this. Be prepared to eject on 10% of dates.

This attitude is empowering because it impels you to manage and save the date. So you will pick a flexible, casual spot. You will pick an engaging activity. If things get ominously boring, then you will say "let's play a game!". Then do something else.

Be fun. I told prospective dates that I needed to verify they were (cis-) women. Sometimes this was a pretext to get their phone numbers. Other times I just asked what they call a make-up kit with a mirror. The answer is "a compact", but most men don't know it. The point is that I managed the frame and demanded that women meet some minimal standards. They appreciated this instead of boring supplication.

Your dating profile is a blank canvas. It is your job to fill it. If you just copy/paste your LinkedIn data and show up to a restaurant in a suit or boring khakis, then you deserve a lame job interview. If you post creative pictures, wear tight jeans and boots, or go jet skiing, then you create a completely different experience. Seize this opportunity.

I'm a man and I 100% endorse this, especially the third paragraph. Never, ever ever have a sit down dinner with a woman until you have sex with her. Period.

What’s wrong with sit down dinners ? Don’t you want to talk more to get to know her?
It just seems men like that try to avoid difficult questions about what they are seeking, their career, life aspirations etc. Trying to play it down to a sexy easy date with a hope of getting laid after.

As a woman I never have “activity” dates for the first intro. It’s always just a coffee date with me wearing my gym outfit on the way to my gym, so it fits into my other day plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

I wish they'd just go pay professionals instead of bothering women trying to date.

One dude texted me after couple dates in a bar “I would like to get a row BJ when you are comfortable”. We are both professionals with grad degrees not sure what prompted him to communicate in escort terms.

I texted back a list of STDs and vaccinations that I require.

He traveled a lot for work and I think a lot of business people do hire escorts or pick up hookers in bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

I wish they'd just go pay professionals instead of bothering women trying to date.

One dude texted me after couple dates in a bar “I would like to get a row BJ when you are comfortable”. We are both professionals with grad degrees not sure what prompted him to communicate in escort terms.

I texted back a list of STDs and vaccinations that I require.

He traveled a lot for work and I think a lot of business people do hire escorts or pick up hookers in bars.

Oh god, new fear unlocked lol. Wtf is a "row" bj?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

I wish they'd just go pay professionals instead of bothering women trying to date.

One dude texted me after couple dates in a bar “I would like to get a row BJ when you are comfortable”. We are both professionals with grad degrees not sure what prompted him to communicate in escort terms.

I texted back a list of STDs and vaccinations that I require.

He traveled a lot for work and I think a lot of business people do hire escorts or pick up hookers in bars.

Oh god, new fear unlocked lol. Wtf is a "row" bj?

*raw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

So you have transactional requirements - bachelor degree, 10 years younger than you, pretty. But you don't want to give them an opportunity to get to know YOU better before they hang out with you at bars/open legs?

Seems like you are trying to date the pretty women who are looking for LTR and marriage, whereby you are just interested in casual. You should only contact profiles that say 'short term" or "casual"

I would assume math wasn’t your strong subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

The transactional bromath of "I put in a dinner and I get a sex" has always been gross af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just looking for help/advice on how to have better dates and connect with people.

You seem sincere but might get bad advice on a forum full of women because women do not have experience planning dates. Experiment with dating different types of women. Warning - women in their young thirties tend to be anxious and hyper-focused on marriage.

How are you meeting these women? Your dating profile probably needs more charisma and less career.

Dates should be in the evening, casual and flexible, and involve alcohol. They should end near your place. No sit-down dinners. Maybe drinks and appetizers. Sit next to her, e.g., at a bar, high-top table, or in a booth. If she sits across from you, then tell her to look at a photo on your phone and sit next to her.

Good dates: Ice skating, bowling, carnival games like Skee-Ball or Whack-a-Mole, dancing, street food festival, drinks, free Kennedy Center shows (most days at 6:00). Then bounce for (more) drinks. Learn to play games such as Marry-Shag-Kill. Do not submit to boring interview questions. If a woman asks formulaic questions, then you can tell her you are not there to audition. Or just say "boring!" Or ignore it. If a women turns your date into an interview or multilevel marketing pitch then she has violated the social contract. You are paying and should not tolerate this. Be prepared to eject on 10% of dates.

This attitude is empowering because it impels you to manage and save the date. So you will pick a flexible, casual spot. You will pick an engaging activity. If things get ominously boring, then you will say "let's play a game!". Then do something else.

Be fun. I told prospective dates that I needed to verify they were (cis-) women. Sometimes this was a pretext to get their phone numbers. Other times I just asked what they call a make-up kit with a mirror. The answer is "a compact", but most men don't know it. The point is that I managed the frame and demanded that women meet some minimal standards. They appreciated this instead of boring supplication.

Your dating profile is a blank canvas. It is your job to fill it. If you just copy/paste your LinkedIn data and show up to a restaurant in a suit or boring khakis, then you deserve a lame job interview. If you post creative pictures, wear tight jeans and boots, or go jet skiing, then you create a completely different experience. Seize this opportunity.

I'm a man and I 100% endorse this, especially the third paragraph. Never, ever ever have a sit down dinner with a woman until you have sex with her. Period.

What? How bizarre. Are you 19? Are your 45 because that’s just sad if so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

I wish they'd just go pay professionals instead of bothering women trying to date.

One dude texted me after couple dates in a bar “I would like to get a row BJ when you are comfortable”. We are both professionals with grad degrees not sure what prompted him to communicate in escort terms.

I texted back a list of STDs and vaccinations that I require.

He traveled a lot for work and I think a lot of business people do hire escorts or pick up hookers in bars.

What??? Did that come out of nowhere? Ickkkkkk

[Anonymous]

HaHa - as a 62 year old widower some of my first dates feel like a discussion with an investment manager who wants to know my net worth without asking directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

Hang out with this guy

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1287535.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HaHa - as a 62 year old widower some of my first dates feel like a discussion with an investment manager who wants to know my net worth without asking directly.

Pro tip: tell her you can only go out to dinner during social security check week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these guys seem to have confused dating and prostitution.

The transactional bromath of "I put in a dinner and I get a sex" has always been gross af.

Everything associated with men paying for dates is gross af

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HaHa - as a 62 year old widower some of my first dates feel like a discussion with an investment manager who wants to know my net worth without asking directly.

It happens to women, too. One 60 yo dude with 3 kids asked me if I have a good retirement account. I’m 45. I just told him if I wanted to support anyone in retirement that would be a much younger man.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, and maybe this has been covered because it's obvious: it takes two to tango, and if the dates feel like interviews, you are part of that dynamic. You don't have to go paddle boarding to flip the script and have a more interesting conversation with your date. Have you considered that you may be steering your dates into the banal backwaters of career/education/resume recitation? You didn't indicated what you would like to be discussing instead of your resume, which indicates that you are putting it on your dates to steer things into more interesting territory, even though you can't concretely define such territory, an overall weak/unattractive move. Overall, your post is kind of whiny and boring, which may be the vibe you project on dates. Do some self-reflection to figure out what excites you in life and in a potential partner. Then steer things towards those matters to determine if you might be sitting across from a genuine match. Here is a good barometer lacking more detail on your preferences: if you can make your date laugh, and, even better, your date makes you laugh, that's a good start. So dispense with the resume talk post-haste and get to that place. You need to take responsibility and step it up, son!