First dates feel like job interviews

[Anonymous]

I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

[Anonymous]

Drop the whole degree requirement. Plenty of very smart people don't have a degree for a variety of reasons or may have an associates.

You should be able to tell a person's general intellect and maturity without asking for a piece of paper to prove it.

You can pick where you want to go on dates. They don't have accept but you can choose. So set up dates that don't involve sitting across the table from each other. Do 1 hour of paddle boarding. You can still talk, and you are only committed to an hour. Walk around a museum.

I think a lot of people, especially your age, are afraid to pre screen dates. Get the "interview part" out of the way. Prior to date, say I am looking forward to our date, but here is what I am looking for, believe, want. Does generally align with what you would want down the line if things workout with whoever you end up dating long term.

[Anonymous]

I once dated a lawyer who told me that my educational attainment was low. I am not kidding you, she directly said that to me. Mind you I have bachelor's degree with 3.89 GPA in pure math from UC Berkeley one of if not the best pure math program in the world.

I don't want to judge all women. But I think a lot of women out so much emphasis on having a professional degree. It's f**g bizarre. Is it only a DC thing??

[Anonymous]

I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

I’m 40m it’s the opposite

It’s like pulling teeth trying to date attractive women in their 30s

It’s relatively easier to go on casual dates with attractive women 24-28.

The latter are way more willing to give someone a chance and get a nice coffee, walk, bop around in a book store, down for whatever

Also it’s a supply issue. There is straight up way more of the latter than former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

Pick activity dates. Bowling, mini golf, etc. I got taken line dancing one time and it was great! A coffee date with a stranger is always going to suck.

[Anonymous]

Why won’t you date women your own age? Maybe they’re icked out at you and pick out your red flags early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

I’m 40m it’s the opposite

It’s like pulling teeth trying to date attractive women in their 30s

It’s relatively easier to go on casual dates with attractive women 24-28.

The latter are way more willing to give someone a chance and get a nice coffee, walk, bop around in a book store, down for whatever

Also it’s a supply issue. There is straight up way more of the latter than former.

Well it doesn’t sound like you’re specifically not looking for anything serious, is OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

I’m 40m it’s the opposite

It’s like pulling teeth trying to date attractive women in their 30s

It’s relatively easier to go on casual dates with attractive women 24-28.

The latter are way more willing to give someone a chance and get a nice coffee, walk, bop around in a book store, down for whatever

Also it’s a supply issue. There is straight up way more of the latter than former.

Well it doesn’t sound like you’re specifically not looking for anything serious, is OP?

Doesn’t sound like you’re looking for anything serious*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once dated a lawyer who told me that my educational attainment was low. I am not kidding you, she directly said that to me. Mind you I have bachelor's degree with 3.89 GPA in pure math from UC Berkeley one of if not the best pure math program in the world.

I don't want to judge all women. But I think a lot of women out so much emphasis on having a professional degree. It's f**g bizarre. Is it only a DC thing??

Look at the positive side. You dodged the bullet, and she showed her hands before you invest too much time/effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

This is so true and the best advice. Even if there are more women in their twenties available to date, you're better off not wasting your time. Date fewer women but older. They'll appreciate you more. And go into the first date knowing that it will be something like an interview. If it's a decent introduction, then have a second date where you may both loosen up a bit.

[Anonymous]

I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

I think you are the kind of women OP is trying to avoid. And too old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

It sounds like you are interviewing for the things that are important to you, and they are interviewing for the things that are important to them.

Often times women are more aware of what it costs to have a family and how difficult fertility can be. You may be naive to these issues. Consider that they are right to make this a priority and you are maybe not informed or not taking the long view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

I’m 40m it’s the opposite

It’s like pulling teeth trying to date attractive women in their 30s

It’s relatively easier to go on casual dates with attractive women 24-28.

The latter are way more willing to give someone a chance and get a nice coffee, walk, bop around in a book store, down for whatever

Also it’s a supply issue. There is straight up way more of the latter than former.

This is your problem. When your top 2 priorities are:

1. Beauty
2. Age

You’re going to meet a lot of duds. Either they don’t have any personality beyond their looks, or they know their worth and aren’t going to waste their time with a mediocre guy and want to know exactly how wealthy and ambitious you are.

Beauty and age don’t last. Prioritize the things that actually matter, and you’ll have much better luck.