First dates feel like job interviews

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

That will not work for a man. Women will not stand for it.

What wont? A video call prior to meeting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

It sounds like you are interviewing for the things that are important to you, and they are interviewing for the things that are important to them.

Often times women are more aware of what it costs to have a family and how difficult fertility can be. You may be naive to these issues. Consider that they are right to make this a priority and you are maybe not informed or not taking the long view.

This. Men always have requirements for age and attractiveness, but then bristle when women have requirements for wealth and education.

Pick a woman in your price range.

Its true. I had ridiculous standards in my twenties, but for every guy I turned down, I had 10 in queue. Attractive, intelligent women in their twenties are well aware of their market value.

Attractive women have options at any age. I have a queue of 3-4 men for every one I turn down and I'm late 40s.

Women say this all the time. So why are you not in a serious relationship? Is it because the men you want don’t want you? Any top tier man(married, gay or single) in his late forties has women propositioning him almost every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

What would you prefer to talk about. Maybe your education requirements are leading the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

I think you are the kind of women OP is trying to avoid. And too old.

I date 40-50s men. Never an issue for an "interview" first date over a video call or simple coffee. I'm not casually dating/having sex with people I don't know

You must like Viagra dudes. Yuck. And I olive how high powered yoh are, yet on DCUM. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First dates ARE interviews. Are you recently divorced or something? This is how it’s been for a while. First dates are about piecing together compatibility.

You want someone with a bachelors degree, why do you balk when they ask about college??

Right? This is an interview situation for the job of boyfriend/potential spouse. You have to pass the screener to get more connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

It sounds like you are interviewing for the things that are important to you, and they are interviewing for the things that are important to them.

Often times women are more aware of what it costs to have a family and how difficult fertility can be. You may be naive to these issues. Consider that they are right to make this a priority and you are maybe not informed or not taking the long view.

This. Men always have requirements for age and attractiveness, but then bristle when women have requirements for wealth and education.

Pick a woman in your price range.

Its true. I had ridiculous standards in my twenties, but for every guy I turned down, I had 10 in queue. Attractive, intelligent women in their twenties are well aware of their market value.

Attractive women have options at any age. I have a queue of 3-4 men for every one I turn down and I'm late 40s.

Women say this all the time. So why are you not in a serious relationship? Is it because the men you want don’t want you? Any top tier man(married, gay or single) in his late forties has women propositioning him almost every day.

Because I am not in a rush to settle and have time to shop. I was married and have a grown child. I have plenty of offers to settle: just let go one 51 yo totally normal looking dude with only one child and 500k income . Over lack of chemistry, just was bored with him to my teeth.
I dated very high earning attractive men - the interest they get in real life is often overinflated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

What would you prefer to talk about. Maybe your education requirements are leading the conversation.

Yes maybe OP is an avid art collector and wants to talk about his recent acquisitions, or his philanthropy and humanitarian awards. Or his Wiki page and his latest season as a college athletic coach.
These were my past long term relationships. Signed, a woman in late 40s.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

That will not work for a man. Women will not stand for it.

What wont? A video call prior to meeting?

They can’t video call as they are still brushing up their verbal English skills. Leaving alone an interview in one of the languages these young women might be fluent in.

Young women excel and out-earn men nowadays in large urban areas. Men need to men up to meet the standards and give detailed interviews.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I am not only interested in women who are in their mid 20s. I will date a 28 or 29 year old. I am just looking for help/advice on how to have better dates and connect with people. I know DC tends to be career oriented, but my dating experience here seems indistinguishable from a holiday work party that everyone is forced to attend. I was hoping people could give me some advice. I am not going to start screening my potential dates with a video call/zoom meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am not only interested in women who are in their mid 20s. I will date a 28 or 29 year old. I am just looking for help/advice on how to have better dates and connect with people. I know DC tends to be career oriented, but my dating experience here seems indistinguishable from a holiday work party that everyone is forced to attend. I was hoping people could give me some advice. I am not going to start screening my potential dates with a video call/zoom meeting.

Why will you date a 29 year old but not a 30 year old?

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with "screening" your dates ahead of time? You'd rather waste both of your time? What's with the reluctance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am not only interested in women who are in their mid 20s. I will date a 28 or 29 year old. I am just looking for help/advice on how to have better dates and connect with people. I know DC tends to be career oriented, but my dating experience here seems indistinguishable from a holiday work party that everyone is forced to attend. I was hoping people could give me some advice. I am not going to start screening my potential dates with a video call/zoom meeting.

OP: I want advice
Also OP: NO not like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am not only interested in women who are in their mid 20s. I will date a 28 or 29 year old. I am just looking for help/advice on how to have better dates and connect with people. I know DC tends to be career oriented, but my dating experience here seems indistinguishable from a holiday work party that everyone is forced to attend. I was hoping people could give me some advice. I am not going to start screening my potential dates with a video call/zoom meeting.

What if the woman offers a video intro ? I prefer to know if I have anything in common with a stranger before I commit my time to an actual real life date.