I got called a doormat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

This is the only part that raises flags for me. You are married. The money is yours jointly as should be decisions about home buying and spending money. But it sounds like you are ok with the roles of provider and homemaker despite also contributing financially.

Agree, it sounds like daddy bought the little girl the doll she had seen in the store window. Her phrasing was “a tell.”

OP has old fashioned or childlike views. If she is going back to work, she needs to approach her husband as an equal partner and negotiate a division if home and child care (could include outsourcing, of say cleaning). She will realize this when she is trying ton”do it all.” Her friends undoubtedly meant well.

I’m the OP. Ew and that’s creepy. I’m adult and have an adult view of the world. He’s not my “ daddy”.

We share finances and it’s both ours. He doesn’t care much ahoy homes so he bought the one I wanted the most. I only said that because I know women who have to run every purchase by their husbands. I don’t.

It seems like your social circle or your upbringing is more old-fashioned than is typical on this site. I think it's best when spouses come to a consensus around major purchases, which means *both people agree*. NOT the woman is grateful that he approves her spending and she doesn't get to have any opinions about his.

Again, it seems like it's still his money in your head, even if he doesn't call it that. Your earlier statements clearly indicate that, even though you're trying to walk it back.

Ask yourself how happy you'll be with this division of labor when you have more than one child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

I’m not going back to work FT. I was asked if I worked or something like that and I said I did. I’ve worked FT until I went on maternity leave. I will be working from home PT.

My husband is amazing. He works really hard and that’s why I was able to take an extended maternity leave and now work PT. He encourages me to take time for myself like going to get my hair done, get a message, go on trip with friends. I don’t worry about taking out the trash or any outside work or repairs because he handles it all.

What is your childcare plan when you are working from home part time?

I was able to take four months of maternity leave because I saved my leave and planned ahead, not because I was dependent on a man to pay for it. I'm happily married (15 years) and my husband is my equal partner in all ways so I'm not jealous of your set up (it actually sounds dangerous because you're going to be financially dependent on this guy).

Your post just sounds very 1950s to me. If that works for you, then that's fine. I just hope you're protected in all ways should he decide he no longer wants to be married to you.

OP here. I am more traditional and I don’t mind it. I like my career but I’ve always wanted to be a wife and a mother first.

I will be going back to work 20 hours a week. We have lots of family help.

My husband won’t F me over but I’m good. I came into the marriage with a large savings account that I worked for since I was a teen. I’ve invested some and kept the other in a savings account. He told me to keep it for myself. We used joint funds from me working and his savings to buy our home. My name is on everything. I fully trust my husband.

Oh honey. That's how everyone feels when they get married! People don't marry someone they think will screw them over! But it happens all the time. Your husband is not some magic unicorn guaranteed to never behave badly. You seem really, really naive.

Try to wrap your head around the down side of your traditional approach. You are tremendously economically vulnerable as the lower-earning spouse. If you have some savings, great, or if your parents are rich that helps, but it seems like you don't quite grasp the risk here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

It’s a four month old and op is the primary caretaker. That’s hardly unusual. Babies are changing daily at that point. Of course the partner who doesn’t do bedtime every night will have questions.

Why isn't he doing bedtime some nights after being gone at work all day? Or at least doing it together? Or is he sitting back in his leather chair watching the news with an Old Fashioned in his hand while OP does everything because he worked so hard all day?

Op here. There are a couple of reasons.

I nurse my baby to sleep fully each night and for naps. That’s our bond and our routine.

My husband isn’t home bedtime very often. He works a lot.

Neither of us drink.

He is hands on when he’s home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

But don't you understand that some men are capable of impressive jobs and also are more present at home and see their kid more than two days a week? It's weird that you think being a CFO (of how big an entity you haven't told us) would require such long hours. Is he the CFO of a major corporation? Or is he the CFO of a small nonprofit?

If you're not having another kid, then this will probably be manageable and it certainly limits your financial risk. But still, you seem really naive-- frankly it's weird to be 35 and so trusting of any man. Sometimes men screw their wives over, and it's not always the ones you might think. Eyes wide open.

Your husband does not sound "amazing" because he has a job and does some chores and approves your spending and took two weeks off. He sounds like a normal adult. And that's probably what your friends are trying to get you to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

But don't you understand that some men are capable of impressive jobs and also are more present at home and see their kid more than two days a week? It's weird that you think being a CFO (of how big an entity you haven't told us) would require such long hours. Is he the CFO of a major corporation? Or is he the CFO of a small nonprofit?

If you're not having another kid, then this will probably be manageable and it certainly limits your financial risk. But still, you seem really naive-- frankly it's weird to be 35 and so trusting of any man. Sometimes men screw their wives over, and it's not always the ones you might think. Eyes wide open.

Your husband does not sound "amazing" because he has a job and does some chores and approves your spending and took two weeks off. He sounds like a normal adult. And that's probably what your friends are trying to get you to see.

OP here. He’s a CFO of a major corporation.

I find him amazing and that’s what matters.

I’m good if anything ever happens. I have a great career to fall back on, savings, and investments that are just mine, totaling close to 700k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

But don't you understand that some men are capable of impressive jobs and also are more present at home and see their kid more than two days a week? It's weird that you think being a CFO (of how big an entity you haven't told us) would require such long hours. Is he the CFO of a major corporation? Or is he the CFO of a small nonprofit?

If you're not having another kid, then this will probably be manageable and it certainly limits your financial risk. But still, you seem really naive-- frankly it's weird to be 35 and so trusting of any man. Sometimes men screw their wives over, and it's not always the ones you might think. Eyes wide open.

Your husband does not sound "amazing" because he has a job and does some chores and approves your spending and took two weeks off. He sounds like a normal adult. And that's probably what your friends are trying to get you to see.

OP here. He’s not just any man - he’s my husband. I found it out that women can marry and have children with a man who they don’t or can’t trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

But don't you understand that some men are capable of impressive jobs and also are more present at home and see their kid more than two days a week? It's weird that you think being a CFO (of how big an entity you haven't told us) would require such long hours. Is he the CFO of a major corporation? Or is he the CFO of a small nonprofit?

If you're not having another kid, then this will probably be manageable and it certainly limits your financial risk. But still, you seem really naive-- frankly it's weird to be 35 and so trusting of any man. Sometimes men screw their wives over, and it's not always the ones you might think. Eyes wide open.

Your husband does not sound "amazing" because he has a job and does some chores and approves your spending and took two weeks off. He sounds like a normal adult. And that's probably what your friends are trying to get you to see.

Op here. He’s not just some man..he’s my husband.

I find it weird that women marry and have kids with a man they can’t or don’t trust. That’s more odd than trusting the person you chose to spend your life with and have kids with.

[Anonymous]

No need to waste energy trying to defend what works well for you and your family. Especially to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

But don't you understand that some men are capable of impressive jobs and also are more present at home and see their kid more than two days a week? It's weird that you think being a CFO (of how big an entity you haven't told us) would require such long hours. Is he the CFO of a major corporation? Or is he the CFO of a small nonprofit?

If you're not having another kid, then this will probably be manageable and it certainly limits your financial risk. But still, you seem really naive-- frankly it's weird to be 35 and so trusting of any man. Sometimes men screw their wives over, and it's not always the ones you might think. Eyes wide open.

Your husband does not sound "amazing" because he has a job and does some chores and approves your spending and took two weeks off. He sounds like a normal adult. And that's probably what your friends are trying to get you to see.

Op here. He’s not just some man..he’s my husband.

I find it weird that women marry and have kids with a man they can’t or don’t trust. That’s more odd than trusting the person you chose to spend your life with and have kids with.

I'm trying to tell you that most women trust the man at the time they marry and have kids, and then the man betrays their trust. Happens all the time and can happen to you. Everyone thinks their husband is special and great. Your failure to understand this (at 35!) is making you seem very naive and that's probably why you got pushback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

I’m not going back to work FT. I was asked if I worked or something like that and I said I did. I’ve worked FT until I went on maternity leave. I will be working from home PT.

My husband is amazing. He works really hard and that’s why I was able to take an extended maternity leave and now work PT. He encourages me to take time for myself like going to get my hair done, get a message, go on trip with friends. I don’t worry about taking out the trash or any outside work or repairs because he handles it all.

What is your childcare plan when you are working from home part time?

I was able to take four months of maternity leave because I saved my leave and planned ahead, not because I was dependent on a man to pay for it. I'm happily married (15 years) and my husband is my equal partner in all ways so I'm not jealous of your set up (it actually sounds dangerous because you're going to be financially dependent on this guy).

Your post just sounds very 1950s to me. If that works for you, then that's fine. I just hope you're protected in all ways should he decide he no longer wants to be married to you.

OP here. I am more traditional and I don’t mind it. I like my career but I’ve always wanted to be a wife and a mother first.

I will be going back to work 20 hours a week. We have lots of family help.

My husband won’t F me over but I’m good. I came into the marriage with a large savings account that I worked for since I was a teen. I’ve invested some and kept the other in a savings account. He told me to keep it for myself. We used joint funds from me working and his savings to buy our home. My name is on everything. I fully trust my husband.

Ok, so why did you say on page 3 "He bought me the house I want"?

Maybe the way you talk about your husband is not matching reality and that's irritating to the women you were spending time with. You seem to want to play the cute little wife cooking the hot dinner and fluffing his ego by saying he bought you a house when actually you bought it together. Of course it annoys people that you're saying your husband is so great when actually this isn't that impressive. It doesn't sound like he actually treats you especially well. He sounds pretty normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

“ He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. “

He didn’t know how to soothe the baby or how your baby was eating or sleeping prior to your trip?

Seriously.

I have a friend whose husband never changed a diaper. I couldn't respect a "dad" like that but it works well enough for her (although she does say he holds all the power in their marriage and she's not happy about that).

OP here. He changes diapers. He does a lot of care on the weekends in between work. He took 2 weeks off after we had our son to be there for me. He did all the diaper changing and I did nothing but feed and rest. He took care of the house and the baby. Now I do that because he works 60+ hour weeks as a CFO. I don’t mind it.

Two whole weeks? OMG WOW. No wonder you think it's "amazing".

You need to open your eyes. Lots of men take far more parental leave than that. It's NORMAL to take more leave than that. Has he got you convinced that he's Mr. Super Duper Important and can't?

You don't mind it now, because you're young and energetic and only have one kid and haven't even tried the working mom juggle for one day. You might feel differently when you have more kids and are alone with them every weeknight. Men who think they need to work long hours can make for a very lonely marriage.

OP here. He’s a CFO. I know what I was getting into when I dated and married him.

I am more traditional. I wanted to be a wife and a mom above all else. I have a career but that’s not nearly as important as having a family. That’s my personal choice. My mom was a SAHM in the 80’s/90’s. I do come from a more traditional Midwest life.

I’m also not young either. I’m 35. We don’t plan on having another kid given my age and my husband being 39. We joke that we are too old to have more kids. It took us a while to have conceive so he will be a one and only most likely.

But don't you understand that some men are capable of impressive jobs and also are more present at home and see their kid more than two days a week? It's weird that you think being a CFO (of how big an entity you haven't told us) would require such long hours. Is he the CFO of a major corporation? Or is he the CFO of a small nonprofit?

If you're not having another kid, then this will probably be manageable and it certainly limits your financial risk. But still, you seem really naive-- frankly it's weird to be 35 and so trusting of any man. Sometimes men screw their wives over, and it's not always the ones you might think. Eyes wide open.

Your husband does not sound "amazing" because he has a job and does some chores and approves your spending and took two weeks off. He sounds like a normal adult. And that's probably what your friends are trying to get you to see.

Op here. He’s not just some man..he’s my husband.

I find it weird that women marry and have kids with a man they can’t or don’t trust. That’s more odd than trusting the person you chose to spend your life with and have kids with.

I'm trying to tell you that most women trust the man at the time they marry and have kids, and then the man betrays their trust. Happens all the time and can happen to you. Everyone thinks their husband is special and great. Your failure to understand this (at 35!) is making you seem very naive and that's probably why you got pushback.

Women can also betray a man’s trust by cheating and stealing. Happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

I’m not going back to work FT. I was asked if I worked or something like that and I said I did. I’ve worked FT until I went on maternity leave. I will be working from home PT.

My husband is amazing. He works really hard and that’s why I was able to take an extended maternity leave and now work PT. He encourages me to take time for myself like going to get my hair done, get a message, go on trip with friends. I don’t worry about taking out the trash or any outside work or repairs because he handles it all.

What is your childcare plan when you are working from home part time?

I was able to take four months of maternity leave because I saved my leave and planned ahead, not because I was dependent on a man to pay for it. I'm happily married (15 years) and my husband is my equal partner in all ways so I'm not jealous of your set up (it actually sounds dangerous because you're going to be financially dependent on this guy).

Your post just sounds very 1950s to me. If that works for you, then that's fine. I just hope you're protected in all ways should he decide he no longer wants to be married to you.

OP here. I am more traditional and I don’t mind it. I like my career but I’ve always wanted to be a wife and a mother first.

I will be going back to work 20 hours a week. We have lots of family help.

My husband won’t F me over but I’m good. I came into the marriage with a large savings account that I worked for since I was a teen. I’ve invested some and kept the other in a savings account. He told me to keep it for myself. We used joint funds from me working and his savings to buy our home. My name is on everything. I fully trust my husband.

Ok, so why did you say on page 3 "He bought me the house I want"?

Maybe the way you talk about your husband is not matching reality and that's irritating to the women you were spending time with. You seem to want to play the cute little wife cooking the hot dinner and fluffing his ego by saying he bought you a house when actually you bought it together. Of course it annoys people that you're saying your husband is so great when actually this isn't that impressive. It doesn't sound like he actually treats you especially well. He sounds pretty normal to me.

DP. I’m not sure I’ve ever the “he bought me a house language,” especially if she worked for the down payment.