I got called a doormat

[Anonymous]

Are you a SAHM and they have jobs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM and they have jobs?

I work FT.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine. You are happy they are divorced. Men don’t like feminists. They are bitter because they’re not happy but their stupid feminism is preventing them from being happy. Unless they’re some amazing CEO somewhere they should shut up. Men don’t like them anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married to the love of my life going on 3 years. We have been together for almost 6. I had a girls trip and I was told I’m a “ doormat” by some of them for how much I do for my husband. They made chiding jokes about it. I was taken aback by the comment and have been reflecting ever since. I know their comments shouldn’t hold weight but they do. I don’t want to change a thing because I adore my husband and our system works but I question if I really am a doormat.

Well, I think they're being unkind. But it might be that they're really unimpressed by your husband's inability to cope with baby care alone. It's not that hard to take care of a baby and to problem-solve and think for himself, even though you do most of the baby care when you are present. It makes him seem a bit incompetent and a bit lacking in initiative. You saying you adore him doesn't change that.

I think they're trying to strongly suggest to you that this dynamic will grow less acceptable to you, when marriage and parenting is no longer a novelty and especially if you have a second child to deal with. And I think that it's a good point and you should strongly consider it. Not because you are or are not a doormat, but because you need to take the long view and establish norms in your marriage that will serve your family well in the long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a divorce and i am seeing my friends and their relationships through my lens. It's my problem. Not yours

Me too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married to the love of my life going on 3 years. We have been together for almost 6. I had a girls trip and I was told I’m a “ doormat” by some of them for how much I do for my husband. They made chiding jokes about it. I was taken aback by the comment and have been reflecting ever since. I know their comments shouldn’t hold weight but they do. I don’t want to change a thing because I adore my husband and our system works but I question if I really am a doormat.

Most women tend to be very catty and love to wreck other's relationships for various reasons such as jealousy or drama. Misery loves company sort of thing.

Never ever take relationship advice from your friends.

Very much this. I do so much for my DH, but he does so much for me in return.

Given your concern, do you feel, deep down, there is some truth to what they are saying? If so, then that's one thing. If they are just jealous women (I have been astounded in life how mean and disingenuous women can be) then F them. They are jealous and you need better friend.

[Anonymous]

I would think you're annoying them by being on your phone too much.

[Anonymous]

Your friends are jealous and want to see you alone. If it works, it works. Don't give much thought to their comments.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friends are jealous and want to see you alone. If it works, it works. Don't give much thought to their comments.

Does it work, though? If a man can't take care of his own baby for a day or two, I wouldn't say it's working. He needs to cut the cord, learn and problem solve on his own, and not be lazy.

OP sounds like a people pleaser. She was pleasing her DH by doing most of the baby care, now she's thrown because her friends aren't happy with it and are giving what is probably good advice in a rude packaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do that makes you a doormat?

I do a lot of the house stuff and childcare. My husband had a solo weekend with our 4 month old while I went on the trip. He asked some questions because I’m with the baby more. They kept making comments on how much he was texting me. A friend of ours is going through a divorce and she told me to watch it and not end up like her doing everything. I told her I was very happy with my situation and it works for us. They started sh*t talking their husbands. They made joking comments about my husband being a man child and called me a doormat. These were women I don’t know very well. Only two of the women I’m actual friends with and they stuck up for me.

These are toxic people. AVOID them.

Never take dating advice from female friends. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friends are jealous and want to see you alone. If it works, it works. Don't give much thought to their comments.

Does it work, though? If a man can't take care of his own baby for a day or two, I wouldn't say it's working. He needs to cut the cord, learn and problem solve on his own, and not be lazy.

OP sounds like a people pleaser. She was pleasing her DH by doing most of the baby care, now she's thrown because her friends aren't happy with it and are giving what is probably good advice in a rude packaging.

^This is an example of someone wanting to ruin your marriage OP.
Even women strangers online are like this, wanting everyone to be as miserable as they are or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

^This is another example OP.
Toxic insidious suggestions to create doubt in yourself, your husband, and your relationship.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, marriage is never 50-50 in all regards, all the time. In a family, you compensate and benefit from each other's strengths and weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friends are jealous and want to see you alone. If it works, it works. Don't give much thought to their comments.

Does it work, though? If a man can't take care of his own baby for a day or two, I wouldn't say it's working. He needs to cut the cord, learn and problem solve on his own, and not be lazy.

OP sounds like a people pleaser. She was pleasing her DH by doing most of the baby care, now she's thrown because her friends aren't happy with it and are giving what is probably good advice in a rude packaging.

^This is an example of someone wanting to ruin your marriage OP.
Even women strangers online are like this, wanting everyone to be as miserable as they are or worse.

Ditto. I still stand by what I said. Your friends are miserable and jealous.

Relationships are give and take. My husband steps in and does things I hate all the time. Just as I do things he doesn't enjoy. I never understand people who get married and ever want to see their partner happy. It sounds like you are fine op and your relationship works for you. Do not listen to your friends or the last 2 posters.