I got called a doormat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

[Anonymous]

They tried to sow doubt in your mind. If you listen and believe them, it’s the beginning of the end of your happy relationship with your husband.
Stay away from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friends are jealous and want to see you alone. If it works, it works. Don't give much thought to their comments.

Does it work, though? If a man can't take care of his own baby for a day or two, I wouldn't say it's working. He needs to cut the cord, learn and problem solve on his own, and not be lazy.

OP sounds like a people pleaser. She was pleasing her DH by doing most of the baby care, now she's thrown because her friends aren't happy with it and are giving what is probably good advice in a rude packaging.

^This is an example of someone wanting to ruin your marriage OP.
Even women strangers online are like this, wanting everyone to be as miserable as they are or worse.

Ditto. I still stand by what I said. Your friends are miserable and jealous.

Relationships are give and take. My husband steps in and does things I hate all the time. Just as I do things he doesn't enjoy. I never understand people who get married and ever want to see their partner happy. It sounds like you are fine op and your relationship works for you. Do not listen to your friends or the last 2 posters.

Yes. I was surprised how some said they wouldn’t want to spend as much time with their husband as they do. That’s was shocking.

I’ve always been a nurturer. I love taking care of people - my husband included. His job is very stressful and I enjoy making sure he comes home to some level of peace and a hot meal since he often has to skip lunch and works long hours.

[Anonymous]

You could be my friend. I, on the other hand, am not your friend. The set up she and her husband have isn't the type of set up I want for my marriage. But it works for them. They are happy and in love. Just like the set up DH and I have works for us and we are happy and in love.

They sound bitter and jealous.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

I’m the OP. Neither is true. My husband is a great father but I spend know time with the baby. I go back to work this Monday so I’ve been able to be at home for the last 4 months really learning my baby.

My husband didn’t blow up my phone but he did text me pics of the baby ( he rolled over for the first time when I was home). He asked about some breast milk question, how to get him to sleep, and what to do because he wouldn’t fall asleep without trying to nurse. I responded each time. I don’t see that as being incompetent. He’s trying to see what I do to match that.

They ladies may have been trying to warn me or just jealous. I cook almost all of the meals and take care of the home the most. My husband makes most of our money. He bought me the house I want, doesn’t question when I spend money ( unless extravagant), and takes care of the outside of the home and any repairs without me asking him twice. We have a good system and I like it.

Some asked how life has been with a newborn and going back to work. They mentioned how little time that window is between getting home and putting baby to bed. Asked about when we will have a second kid. They balked at the response that I have done most of the parenting and try to have my husband come home to a hot meal.

This sounds like people who have had problems in their own lives and trying to project them onto yours. You won't have the same problems they had (I might you might, but that's for you to discover on your own, you most definitely won't have the exact same problems as them), just ignore them. People love talking about themselves and "providing advice" to new mothers. Just ignore them. You're fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

I’m not going back to work FT. I was asked if I worked or something like that and I said I did. I’ve worked FT until I went on maternity leave. I will be working from home PT.

My husband is amazing. He works really hard and that’s why I was able to take an extended maternity leave and now work PT. He encourages me to take time for myself like going to get my hair done, get a message, go on trip with friends. I don’t worry about taking out the trash or any outside work or repairs because he handles it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do that makes you a doormat?

I do a lot of the house stuff and childcare. My husband had a solo weekend with our 4 month old while I went on the trip. He asked some questions because I’m with the baby more. They kept making comments on how much he was texting me. A friend of ours is going through a divorce and she told me to watch it and not end up like her doing everything. I told her I was very happy with my situation and it works for us. They started sh*t talking their husbands. They made joking comments about my husband being a man child and called me a doormat. These were women I don’t know very well. Only two of the women I’m actual friends with and they stuck up for me.

I think the people were ridiculous to criticize your husband for texting too much. Babies get antsy when their mom disappears. My husband was a very hand-on dad and when they were little and I needed to go to an evening event, my toddler and baby would sometimes be very upset and I'd arrive home and have to settle them down. Also babies tend to have a lot of gear and logistics to keep track of.

I never went on a "girls trip" when I had little kids. The fact that you got to go on one is already a good sign.

[Anonymous]

Some people are so unhappy, they like to take others with them. Cue the bi$ches. Your relationship is for you to manage. It appears you have one small child and your DH was content to take over for the weekend. If your friends are judging you, consider not telling them the specifics of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married to the love of my life going on 3 years. We have been together for almost 6. I had a girls trip and I was told I’m a “ doormat” by some of them for how much I do for my husband. They made chiding jokes about it. I was taken aback by the comment and have been reflecting ever since. I know their comments shouldn’t hold weight but they do. I don’t want to change a thing because I adore my husband and our system works but I question if I really am a doormat.

Stay away from these "friends". They're jealous & trying to ruin your relationship with your husband.

[Anonymous]

He was ok with you going on the trip while he stayed home with baby. This is a plus as many husbands do not do this. You’re not a doormat- if you were he wouldn’t be ok with you going and you’d be at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your DH IS contacting you too much on a girl’s weekend — a one-off text, fine, but he should be able to take care of his own baby without bothering you. Sounds like he is either incompetent or trying to punish you for going away and seems like on some level you are sensing it.

And agree with a PP that it sounds like you are not being present enough and they are annoyed you are on your phone.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

I’m not going back to work FT. I was asked if I worked or something like that and I said I did. I’ve worked FT until I went on maternity leave. I will be working from home PT.

My husband is amazing. He works really hard and that’s why I was able to take an extended maternity leave and now work PT. He encourages me to take time for myself like going to get my hair done, get a message, go on trip with friends. I don’t worry about taking out the trash or any outside work or repairs because he handles it all.

I think maybe they find you a little goo-goo about your husband. Is he amazing and works really hard, or is he pretty much a regular person? It seems like he works a normal amount. Oh wow he takes out the trash, amazing! Really? He sounds like he's doing a normal amount or slightly less, and when women praise men for that, it's annoying.

Ask yourself whose workload will change if you have a second kid. That is what they're trying to tell you. Your setup is not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard for a friend group to function when some members are edging towards tradwife and others are expecting men to be equal partners and not verbally f*llating them to others just for having a job and doing outside chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your plan is to go to work full time and still take care of baby and house and food all 100%, I think your friends were right, too. But being a happy doormat isn’t a bad life, if that’s what you want.

Hey look! It's OP's petty jealous "friend"