I got called a doormat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do women who do the vast majority of the housework, childcare, life management, etc. for their grown ass husbands who behave like entitled man children ever feel attracted to them enough again to want to suck them off or do anything really sexy with them?

That's the mental block for me. I 'get' that we women are socially conditioned to be caregivers and to acquiesce more than we demand, but every relationship I ever had I thought that role was nice for like . . . ten minutes, then I began to resent all the leisure time he had purchased by my labor both physical and emotional and I would soon begin to find him more than a little . . . repulsive.

I guess this is patriarchy, but I'm one of the women who doesn't feel compelled to accept it. I'm not saying my life is one long carefree picnic because it's not - it can be SO much harder to be a single woman standing on her own two feet with no support from a spouse or former spouse - but I love that I haven't been anybody's house servant for any portion of my adult life.

OP here. It’s so odd to me that you consider taking care of your family as being a house servant. What a weird way to shame women for wanting to take care of their family.

I’m not a house servant. I enjoy taking care of my family. I love my husband and I don’t see him as a man child. I see him as a loving husband and provider who works really hard so we can afford for me to work less and be able to stay at home. I haven’t always done all of the house stuff. My husband was an equal partner in that but has put in more hours with a new job to allow us to live the way we do.

I have immense respect for my husband. My job isn’t easy but neither is he. He works very hard to bring in the money he does so that I can live comfortably. I find him super sexy and handsome. He is stable, reliable, respectful, funny, and loves me for me.

You can view it as a house servant. I view it as a loving wife working with my husband to make our life the best as possible.

I’m a nurturer. I like my job but I always wanted to be a wife and mom above all else.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. Cry harder folks.

Ok so you're entirely too much in the right-leaning online world. That's your main problem.

Explain again how he managed to buy you a house with your money, because I still don't understand it.

Bought a house with her money and put his name on the title.

She got scammed!

OP here. My name is on the house and all accounts.

Some people are being rude on here.

I have my own savings before marriage and some of my salary tucked away that is hate mine. The salary I’ve been earning since marriage has gone into a savings account. My husband used his money ( I know it’s our money) to buy the home for us. He bought me a car and paid for our wedding on his own.

It’s our money but I say he bought me a house have he wanted a different home but settled to make me happy. Both of our names are on the deed and on all accounts.

That's not what you said before. You said it was paid for partially with your earnings. Why are you changing the story?

And why can't you say "he went with the house I preferred" or literally anything more accurate than the fictional story that you're telling about Mr Benevolent Patriarch?

OP here. I said he paid for the house with savings. You guys fan with it that I paid to because I put my salary into savings. Different savings accounts.

In the last post on page 7, you said "We used joint funds from me working and his savings to buy our home." And since he is joint owner of the home, he half owns it, so at best he partially "bought you" less than half a home. So for you to say he bought you a home is untrue. Why do you feel the need to say it? He agreed to exchange joint assets for a different joint asset, and he deferred to you on aesthetics because he doesn't really care about that. That's nice, but it's not really that big a deal. Stop acting like he's the Prince of Manly Generosity. He's a regular man who is nice to his wife.

If you grew up in a socially conservative culture you might not realize how weird this constant catering to the male ego seems to people who didn't grow up that way. Men might like it if they're young or insecure, and there's always some face-saving rationale when challenged, like that the wife is "the neck that turns the head". But not everyone goes for that kind of thing. It seems like you went on vacation with women who aren't used to this kind of thing and find it disingenuous and off-putting and they were a little grossed out by your Surrendered Wife routine and wanted to warn you that it can have some real down sides.

The bar for men is literally in the ground, and some still show up with a shovel. I’m glad she has a nice person as her partner, but yeah, doing the bare minimum (or receiving it) should not be aspirational.

OP here. He is the love of my life. I didn’t fall in love with him for what he can give him. I fell in love with him because he had always been respectful, he values my opinions, and he makes me feel so comfortable around him. He’s also super sexy, smart, and great in bed. I still lust after him every time he’s shirtless or naked just like I did when we first met. Most women ( at least from here) don’t want anything to do with their husband past like year 2.

Many women don’t offer much these days either. That’s why most men are refusing to marry.

[Anonymous]

Yeah now we know you’re a troll. There is a male loneliness epidemic and it’s not because they are choosing it.

[Anonymous]

Also convenient that you refused to reply to the posts calling out your lies about drinking, the house purchase. Go back to your bridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah now we know you’re a troll. There is a male loneliness epidemic and it’s not because they are choosing it.

There are many men who think marriage isn’t worth it and choose to stay single. It’s funny you think you know better than the actual words from many men’s mouths on this topic.

Many men? Ok lol. Show some stats, because statistically more women than men are choosing to stay single. Your anecdotal “evidence” does not trump societal trends.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:35 is hardly old to have another kid, especially around here. Second at 37. Sex one time. Many people here have first, second and third kids between 35-42.

yeah but its not a given

OP here. My doctor said I was a geriatric pregnancy because I was 35 when I gave birth. She said any subsequent births will be geriatric and considered high risk because of age.

What? Nobody has used that term for years. They wrote AMA on my records for my 2nd DS's birth....and he just turned 22.

[Anonymous]

Doormat Debbie.. Ugh

[Anonymous]

DH and I have a great marriage so I'm not coming at OP with any type of jealousy. I don't think there is anything wrong with women who enjoy being more traditional so long as their husbands appreciate them and show their appreciation and does things in return. I think where OP is wrong is that she comes off incredibly smug for what sounds like a very normal marriage. Everything shes listed that she's trying to make seem like her husband is this one in a million guy? Most of my friends are married to guys like him. OP's marriage isn't special, it seems pretty standard other than OP may be a bit more of a homemaker than others.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:35 is hardly old to have another kid, especially around here. Second at 37. Sex one time. Many people here have first, second and third kids between 35-42.

yeah but its not a given

OP here. My doctor said I was a geriatric pregnancy because I was 35 when I gave birth. She said any subsequent births will be geriatric and considered high risk because of age.

What? Nobody has used that term for years. They wrote AMA on my records for my 2nd DS's birth....and he just turned 22.

Exactly. This is some loser incel from Reddit trying to stir the pot. This is his fantasy perfect relationship - hilarious that it’s so… basic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah now we know you’re a troll. There is a male loneliness epidemic and it’s not because they are choosing it.

There are many men who think marriage isn’t worth it and choose to stay single. It’s funny you think you know better than the actual words from many men’s mouths on this topic.

Many men? Ok lol. Show some stats, because statistically more women than men are choosing to stay single. Your anecdotal “evidence” does not trump societal trends.

No shortage of lonely men or women who aren't finding good enough partners but panic is still higher among women >30.