Stay in a blah marriage for the kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Divorcing quickly in your 20s and calling it young and dumb IS ok. People support this.
If you divorce a second time, with a kid who is only 7, and you’re leaving a guy who is a good dad but not exciting recently … that IS dumb. It’s no longer youth as an excuse. People in your life are going to draw the conclusion that you are impulsive and self absorbed. They will trust you and your word a lot less. And they definitely will not be rooting for you when you hit the dating market again.

No one cares this much about another's relationship.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be married?

Because it kinda sounds like you don't want to be not really. It seems like you did marriage because you thought you should. It was a thing to check off on the adult list.

It sounds like you just want out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce if you wish, but do be aware that you might not marry or find a long-time relationship again. A single mom of a 7 year old isn’t exactly a hot commodity in the dating market.

Untrue

It is true. Practically it is very difficult with logistics and there are conflicting loyalties if you are a good mother. Men want to come first. Dating takes time. Even if you find someone the likelihood is they have no commitment to your child. There are a lot of issues you might not foresee.

You are clearly not divorced. There are not conflicting loyalties. Kids are first. Divorced people understand this. No issues dating as a single mom.

That is not a reason to leave but stop spewing nonsense. You don’t know what you are talking about.

Well guess what I the PP and I AM divorced. What I said has been true for me. It’s pretty obvious why you’re divorced if this is how you react to someone sharing their experience.

If you have a problem, finding dates as a single mom, then you’re probably not very attractive because literally there are no issues.

Uh single mom is OK, single mom who is *twice* divorced is a huge red flag in the dating pool. Any twice divorced person is.

Who said anything about being divorced twice? No one is divorced twice. Comment not relevant.

OP HAS BEEN DIVORCED ONCE ALREADY. Read the thread. She is contemplating a 2nd divorce.

OP I think you might really benefit from therapy, especially a support group. I don't think your expectations or ways of going about things are the most effective and I think that you will continue to be unhappy, divorced a 2nd time or not, unless you address how to meet your own needs in a realistic way.

[Anonymous]

7 Year Itch.

What are your odds now of finding someone better than you found 7-10 years ago? Not much.

You have something you can improve. Don't burn your house down and hope to find another. Ask for some time back from the video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage counseling if he will.

Otherwise, yes, stay. Until her second year of college.

You’re wrong. It’s actually better to divorce sooner rather than later, if you know you’re going to do it. When you wait to divorce until your kid is 18+, they feel like their childhood was a lie & that the rug is being pulled out from under them. Rip off the band aid

+1, by the time she’s in MS or HS she’ll know that her parents are in a loveless marriage. She’ll pity you and see that you chose to be bitter and unhappy. If you do stay for her, never tell her, she feel quilt, shame, and anger.

I don’t buy this for a kid in this type of marriage. Op does not describe them as cold to each other. Op says that they do family things together every weekend and generally enjoy weekends, that they have fun together on vacation, that they are kind to each other. For a kid, that will usually be all they need. children do not require lovey dovey parents. My parents aren’t touchy feely and I don’t know if they would describe themselves as “in love”, neither would use something like soul mate or anything like that. They have very different interests. They bicker. But they were (are) partners and built a good, stable, loving family life and in noooo way was I ever in middle school and high school like why don’t my parents kiss more? Are you kidding me? Teens are way too self focused.

I have a loving, stable partnership now as well. Maybe if my parents had more sparks my relationship would have more now too? But I doubt it! I think they taught me that marriage is about partnership and the long haul, what a gift it is to walk through life with someone. That it doesn’t have to be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce if you wish, but do be aware that you might not marry or find a long-time relationship again. A single mom of a 7 year old isn’t exactly a hot commodity in the dating market.

Untrue

It is true. Practically it is very difficult with logistics and there are conflicting loyalties if you are a good mother. Men want to come first. Dating takes time. Even if you find someone the likelihood is they have no commitment to your child. There are a lot of issues you might not foresee.

You are clearly not divorced. There are not conflicting loyalties. Kids are first. Divorced people understand this. No issues dating as a single mom.

That is not a reason to leave but stop spewing nonsense. You don’t know what you are talking about.

Well guess what I the PP and I AM divorced. What I said has been true for me. It’s pretty obvious why you’re divorced if this is how you react to someone sharing their experience.

If you have a problem, finding dates as a single mom, then you’re probably not very attractive because literally there are no issues.

Uh single mom is OK, single mom who is *twice* divorced is a huge red flag in the dating pool. Any twice divorced person is.

Who said anything about being divorced twice? No one is divorced twice. Comment not relevant.

OP HAS BEEN DIVORCED ONCE ALREADY. Read the thread. She is contemplating a 2nd divorce.

OP I think you might really benefit from therapy, especially a support group. I don't think your expectations or ways of going about things are the most effective and I think that you will continue to be unhappy, divorced a 2nd time or not, unless you address how to meet your own needs in a realistic way.

I don’t think it is relevant.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it is relevant.

Who cares?

You are in the very small minority.

[Anonymous]

I am typing on my phone!

Attorneys usually can’t write articles or book [sic]. Bring [sic] an attorney does not give you any leg up in writing.

You should get off your phone until you learn to proofread your work.

How do you know what attorneys usually write? You cannot even get the basic grammar of a post right.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a raw deal. Who wants to sleep with the same person for 30+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am typing on my phone!

Attorneys usually can’t write articles or book [sic]. Bring [sic] an attorney does not give you any leg up in writing.

You should get off your phone until you learn to proofread your work.

How do you know what attorneys usually write? You cannot even get the basic grammar of a post right.

I reject articles written by attorneys all the time. This is entertainment; this is not being published. It does not matter if there are typos or grammatical errors. I have to deal with editing at work. I’m not doing that while I’m being entertained by these ridiculous posts and I’m typing on my phone. The last thing I want to do when I am being entertained (while reading and replying to posts on here) is to worry about subject-verb agreement; proper punctuation of adjectival modifiers; fixing bad transitions and factual errors; rewriting introductions and conclusions; changing en dashes to em dashes because no one knows how to use them properly; and on and on and on.

I don’t pretend to know the law because I’m not an attorney and you shouldn’t be so presumptuous to think you can chastise people about writing with the inaccurate assumption that being an attorney gives you a qualification of assessing writing. This is a public online forum it’s not a magazine, newspaper, or a book. No one cares. When I’m writing something that is going to be published or I’m editing something that is going to be published, correct grammar and usage matters…and that is the only time it matters. I’m not at work right now.

And by the way, where it matters, a lot of attorneys make a lot of errors, such as my divorce paperwork: my attorney made so many mistakes, it was out of control. She couldn’t get the facts right or spell things properly in a document that actually matters! An online post doesn’t matter! Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a raw deal. Who wants to sleep with the same person for 30+ years.

For real! It’s kind of cruel that the cost of having a stable, peaceful home life is having to sleep with the same person for the rest of your life.

But, yeah, since you have a kid together and enjoy time together on weekends/vacation etc I’d stick with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage counseling if he will.

Otherwise, yes, stay. Until her second year of college.

You’re wrong. It’s actually better to divorce sooner rather than later, if you know you’re going to do it. When you wait to divorce until your kid is 18+, they feel like their childhood was a lie & that the rug is being pulled out from under them. Rip off the band aid

Most therapists and psychologists disagree.

Everything I’ve seen suggests it’s best to do it under age 10.

It’s a horrible thing to do to a kid, full stop. In some situations yes, it really may be the only option…but don’t be deluded into thinking if you divorce when your kids are younger it won’t negatively affect them for life. It absolutely will.

Nah.

You’re wrong, but I understand that’s what you feel the need to tell yourself.

Now go ahead and predictably claim “I’m not divorced! I’m happily married! Gotcha!” because it’s an anonymous message board. Anyone with a brain knows better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder long long people on this thread have actually been married? I've been married now for 20 years, and your marriage is going through very, very normal doldrums. People have highly unrealistic expectations of marriage. There are months, if not years, when things are tough, boring, or just not that great. Romance ebbs and flows.
What does marriage really mean to you? For me, it's a commitment through thick and thin. Barring abuse and maybe infidelity, when a couple is together for 50-60 years over the course of their lifetime, you have to accept that there are going to be ups and downs.

+1

+2

+3, and when do those doldrum years happen most often? When you’re in the thick of raising young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage counseling if he will.

Otherwise, yes, stay. Until her second year of college.

You’re wrong. It’s actually better to divorce sooner rather than later, if you know you’re going to do it. When you wait to divorce until your kid is 18+, they feel like their childhood was a lie & that the rug is being pulled out from under them. Rip off the band aid

Most therapists and psychologists disagree.

Everything I’ve seen suggests it’s best to do it under age 10.

It’s a horrible thing to do to a kid, full stop. In some situations yes, it really may be the only option…but don’t be deluded into thinking if you divorce when your kids are younger it won’t negatively affect them for life. It absolutely will.

You are so wrong. It is not always horrible at all. Most studies show kids are fine long term.

No, YOU are so wrong and full of crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce if you wish, but do be aware that you might not marry or find a long-time relationship again. A single mom of a 7 year old isn’t exactly a hot commodity in the dating market.

Untrue

It is true. Practically it is very difficult with logistics and there are conflicting loyalties if you are a good mother. Men want to come first. Dating takes time. Even if you find someone the likelihood is they have no commitment to your child. There are a lot of issues you might not foresee.

You are clearly not divorced. There are not conflicting loyalties. Kids are first. Divorced people understand this. No issues dating as a single mom.

That is not a reason to leave but stop spewing nonsense. You don’t know what you are talking about.

Well guess what I the PP and I AM divorced. What I said has been true for me. It’s pretty obvious why you’re divorced if this is how you react to someone sharing their experience.

If you have a problem, finding dates as a single mom, then you’re probably not very attractive because literally there are no issues.

Uh single mom is OK, single mom who is *twice* divorced is a huge red flag in the dating pool. Any twice divorced person is.

Who said anything about being divorced twice? No one is divorced twice. Comment not relevant.

I see reading comprehension is not your strong suit.