Middle-aged single men: what are you relationships with 20-something women like?

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the replies but here's my story.

46 and recently divorced after a long period of a sexless marriage.

I generally date within 10 years of me. Was at a bar, a younger woman and I were chatting, she asked for my number. Next day called, I told her how old I was, turns out she is 23. Travel nursing in my city. We had a great time together for the 4 months she was in town.

I wouldn't get into a serious relationship with someone that young but fun and sex, why not?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my 50s and fully admit that I was probably more intellectually stimulating in my 20s/30s because I had time to read more, and wasn't wasting time on social media

Hahaha! I’m sorry, no. I spend a lot of time with highly intelligent early to mid 20s, and they are babies. You might *feel* that way, but 20-26 olds don’t even have a fully formed brain. Old guys say this because they are thinking with their d***s.

Gosh, I am a woman and I really think we need to stop with this nonsense. Older women are no more intellectually interesting or deep or valuable than younger women. I also feel like I was just as interesting when I was 23 as at 43. And my body was certainly better than, but I don’t care. Women should see their inherent value as not tied to either their age or how “intellectually stimulating“ they are. People have strong and meaningful relationships throughout their lives, and for all different reasons. I’m not at all threatened by older men going out with younger women. There is a lot of love to go around in the world, and people can find the relationship for them at any age.

the intellectual stimulation part is a red herring. The issue is self-worth and boundaries. Older women know how to set boundaries and call men out on their BS. Younger women have a much much harder time with that not.

Translation: Older women are unpleasant and argumentative, younger women far less so.

Fact check: True.

Yes, it is unpleasant to be called out when you are a piece of shit, so I imagine you would be really into younger women.

You’re proving my point for me, thanks! 😂😂😂

You're free to think that, but I'm actually very pleasant as a general matter. I make people laugh, I like learning from others, and I tend come across as sweet and feminine because of my size and mannerisms. And over the years I have become less argumentative. I have learned that things are more complicated than they seem and I'm much less judgmental and more comfortable with nuance than I used to be.

But I never was pleasant and fun around sexists, homophobes, racists, etc. I wills say I have gotten better about spotting that kind of thing, and I've learned to call it out in ways that take them down a few notches rather than trying to convince them that they are wrong. So I have become more pleasant and less argumentative as a whole, but highly unpleasant pleasant to jerks. And guess who loves this about me? Men (and women) who aren't jerks themselves because they aren't my target.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my 50s and fully admit that I was probably more intellectually stimulating in my 20s/30s because I had time to read more, and wasn't wasting time on social media

Hahaha! I’m sorry, no. I spend a lot of time with highly intelligent early to mid 20s, and they are babies. You might *feel* that way, but 20-26 olds don’t even have a fully formed brain. Old guys say this because they are thinking with their d***s.

Gosh, I am a woman and I really think we need to stop with this nonsense. Older women are no more intellectually interesting or deep or valuable than younger women. I also feel like I was just as interesting when I was 23 as at 43. And my body was certainly better than, but I don’t care. Women should see their inherent value as not tied to either their age or how “intellectually stimulating“ they are. People have strong and meaningful relationships throughout their lives, and for all different reasons. I’m not at all threatened by older men going out with younger women. There is a lot of love to go around in the world, and people can find the relationship for them at any age.

the intellectual stimulation part is a red herring. The issue is self-worth and boundaries. Older women know how to set boundaries and call men out on their BS. Younger women have a much much harder time with that not.

But I will say that PP does have a unique insight into the intellect of a 23yo v a 43yo. We probably thought we were much smarter than we actually were 20 years ago.

That has not been my experience. The 20s women I date tend to expect perfection. When I've dated closer to my age women have a lot more nuance/flexibility.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

I don't think any of us resent these young women. Well, I don't anyway. I think the whole thing sounds sad.

I’m very aware I’m a brief, month to two-month fling in these women’s life before they go on to date and eventually marry men their own age. I treat everyone with kindness and respect. It’s not sad for them or for me.

The fact that you don't realize how sad it is that you're fulfilled by this is the sad part!

Never forget, when women here say they don’t want to remarry and take care of a man, so they have FWBs it’s empowering. When I do the same with a 22yo woman it’s sad.

The good news: If I ever come around to your way of thinking, I could date a woman my age this afternoon, tomorrow, next week, next year. I wake up every morning to half a dozen match requests. My last real relationship where I imagined a future was my exact age.

I probably only have max five years left of dating women in their early to mid 20s, so will enjoy it while lasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Younger women are far less jaded than older women, or at a minimum the older women on this site.

How do women become jaded, do you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Younger women are far less jaded than older women, or at a minimum the older women on this site.

How do women become jaded, do you think?

I'm sure it is not their fault and they have no agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the replies but here's my story.

46 and recently divorced after a long period of a sexless marriage.

I generally date within 10 years of me. Was at a bar, a younger woman and I were chatting, she asked for my number. Next day called, I told her how old I was, turns out she is 23. Travel nursing in my city. We had a great time together for the 4 months she was in town.

I wouldn't get into a serious relationship with someone that young but fun and sex, why not?

A 23 year old travel nurse confident to ask for your number in a bar sounds like she’s knows what she’s doing; and you weren’t looking for it
. Very different from a 45 year old dude trolling for undergrads because he thinks women his own age are too “jaded.”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

I don't think any of us resent these young women. Well, I don't anyway. I think the whole thing sounds sad.

I’m very aware I’m a brief, month to two-month fling in these women’s life before they go on to date and eventually marry men their own age. I treat everyone with kindness and respect. It’s not sad for them or for me.

The fact that you don't realize how sad it is that you're fulfilled by this is the sad part!

Never forget, when women here say they don’t want to remarry and take care of a man, so they have FWBs it’s empowering. When I do the same with a 22yo woman it’s sad.

The good news: If I ever come around to your way of thinking, I could date a woman my age this afternoon, tomorrow, next week, next year. I wake up every morning to half a dozen match requests. My last real relationship where I imagined a future was my exact age.

I probably only have max five years left of dating women in their early to mid 20s, so will enjoy it while lasts.

If you can’t see the difference between a 45 year old woman seeking out a same-age man for a casual relationship, vs you repeatedly targeting undergrads for what you percieve as an “easier” relationship because you got burned by women your own age … well …

[Anonymous]

I’m 53 and while I really prefer women 45+ I did have a few month relationship with a 28 year old IT consultant who was working locally on an assignment. It was clear to both of us it was going to be short term for many reasons but we had a blast. Zippo interest in a LTR with someone so young and I’m sure she felt the same way.

[Anonymous]

I think most of what makes women’s gut churn is not jealousy-we have daughters in their early 20s or remember ourselves at that age. It’s primal and protective. And yes, there is a risk of infantilizing young women and denying them agency, but with my daughter I would advise against such damaged men who revel in the power imbalance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

I don't think any of us resent these young women. Well, I don't anyway. I think the whole thing sounds sad.

I’m very aware I’m a brief, month to two-month fling in these women’s life before they go on to date and eventually marry men their own age. I treat everyone with kindness and respect. It’s not sad for them or for me.

The fact that you don't realize how sad it is that you're fulfilled by this is the sad part!

Never forget, when women here say they don’t want to remarry and take care of a man, so they have FWBs it’s empowering. When I do the same with a 22yo woman it’s sad.

The good news: If I ever come around to your way of thinking, I could date a woman my age this afternoon, tomorrow, next week, next year. I wake up every morning to half a dozen match requests. My last real relationship where I imagined a future was my exact age.

I probably only have max five years left of dating women in their early to mid 20s, so will enjoy it while lasts.

If you can’t see the difference between a 45 year old woman seeking out a same-age man for a casual relationship, vs you repeatedly targeting undergrads for what you percieve as an “easier” relationship because you got burned by women your own age … well …

Different PP but the only difference is the negative spin you put on it.

Older woman with younger man good, older man with younger woman bad, because reasons, yeah whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most old men who chase 20ish women look foolish and old. Young women are grossed out their old bodies and bored by their out of touch minds. The relationship is about $$ for sex, that's it.

+1

I'm in my 20s and was at an event recently where some sugar babies brought their sugar daddies. People were pointing them out and laughing at them. The age difference was enormous in some cases, easily 50+ years. It was gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late 50s. A year ago I was dating someone a dozen years younger, and I liked that. Since the breakup I've ended up sleeping with several mid- and late-20s women. One of them didn't become a girlfriend, or a FWB, but she had become a really close platonic friend. We have similar interests and challenges in life.

How does a 50-something man meet women in the 20's and get them to be interested in going out with the older, perhaps not fully sexually-functional, kind? This is a serious question.

The quality of men has gone downhill in that older ones are sought after.

LMFAO and men telling themselves this with a straight face, too! "Believe in yourself with the confidence of a mediocre man" or however the saying goes rings so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most old men who chase 20ish women look foolish and old. Young women are grossed out their old bodies and bored by their out of touch minds. The relationship is about $$ for sex, that's it.

+1

I'm in my 20s and was at an event recently where some sugar babies brought their sugar daddies. People were pointing them out and laughing at them. The age difference was enormous in some cases, easily 50+ years. It was gross.

Dying to know what sort of event? Influencer party?

[Anonymous]

I dated a woman 10 years younger. We both knew this would not be something long term, as we were at different points in life. But wow, the sex was terrific.