Middle-aged single men: what are you relationships with 20-something women like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

Do you mentor younger people at work? It's like you're looking down on that also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

Relationships when you’re 22 almost always fade after a few months. If you’re a man chasing this you better know what you’re signing up for.

I’ve been clear in this thread and elsewhere that these relationships have been a defeated retreat after wanting to remarry and going through the emotional wrecking ball of a breakup with a woman my own age right before Covid hit. There will never be any heartache on either side when these relationships run their course.

Also, I don’t relate to what other men have posted about appreciating the youthful optimism or seeing your date as a mentee for the wise older bard. I don’t find the relationships that different at all than the ones I’ve had with extremely successful DC-based women my own age. Of course, early in a woman mentioned that I don’t treat her like previous older dates have and that was a cheat code to bring to future relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Eh. They are having sex. They are having “intellectual” conversations but without the understanding of life experience, like you would do with your kids. I have intellectual conversations with my 11 year old, but they are not the conversations of an equal with an equal understanding of ideals vs reality. Is it intellectual sure. Is it the same? No.

That said, a man can feel that fatherly feelings put him more in control of the relationship, but a woman does not ever want to be a mother to another person and this is why women typically don’t seriously date younger men.

There is nothing better than having a beautiful young woman who is glass eyed and positive about the world. One who has youthful enthusiasm. I’ll take that or a older and wiser cynic any day.

I don’t know, how recent is your experience with young people? A lot of the young single twentysomethings I meet today are sullen, anxious, angry, and already terminally therapy-ridden. The ones who aren’t easily find relationships with peers their own age. Youthful bright eyed and bushy tailed is an ideal projected from the old onto the young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Yes, but generally speaking: youth is beauty and there is absolutely no competing with its fresh magic. And as many have noted, a young woman in her 20s is happy and optimistic (because she is not yet a caretaker.) Again generalizing, but women in their 40s are far more likely to know their body and how to unleash its orgasmic potential. For some men, this is probably not a bonus.

😂😂😂😂😂😂 Older woman coping again.

[Anonymous]

Relationships when you’re 22 almost always fade after a few months. If you’re a man chasing this you better know what you’re signing up for.

lmao of course we know.

[Anonymous]

I was one of the twenty somethings in one of those relationships years ago. It was actually really nice until I wanted to settle down. He was able to go nice places with me (I earned my own money so didn't have to rely on him) and we were able to be equals on my levels. The point at which it became an issue is when I wanted to get married and he wanted his continued bachelorhood. After three years, I ended it. I still think about him and still believe it was one of my more functional relationships.
Plus, the sex was amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

If I wanted to have an intellectual conversation, why would I talk to a woman?

The idea that older women are more “intellectually evolved” and interesting is quickly falsified by talking to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

Do you mentor younger people at work? It's like you're looking down on that also.

NP

The point of mentors is to help the mentee become more advanced. You don't look down on them because there is potential for growth and a belief that they can achieve more. This isn't the same as wanting somebody to not grow, which is how men who prefer 20 year old partners feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Yes, but generally speaking: youth is beauty and there is absolutely no competing with its fresh magic. And as many have noted, a young woman in her 20s is happy and optimistic (because she is not yet a caretaker.) Again generalizing, but women in their 40s are far more likely to know their body and how to unleash its orgasmic potential. For some men, this is probably not a bonus.

😂😂😂😂😂😂 Older woman coping again.

Younger woman here.

"63 per cent of women aged over 45 are orgasming every sexual encounter. This compares to just 36 per cent of women aged 18 to 25. "
https://www.menshealth.com.au/age-women-have-the-most-orgasms/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

NP

I agree with PP and I certainly don't resent younger women. But we all know that people mature intellectually and socially, and that's a good thing. It's not admirable for a 20 year old to never change, no matter how great they are at 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But but but how is it like anal? Nobody looks at each other and there is a lot of communicating with grunts until the whole thing is over when old guy is pleased with himself and exhausted and the woman is bored?

There's old a-hole in the picture, but the young woman feels like she got screwed in the a$$ when it's over.

[Anonymous]

In my early 20s I dated several men in their late 30s and early 40s.
What do we talk about? Men love to talk about themselves, so I learned a lot of career advice, investing advice, how to order wine at fancy restaurants, how to work a room and network at their corporate events. I got a glimpse of my life 15 years in the future and it served me well early in my career.
What do you do besides dinner and sex? Go to the movies and concerts, go hiking, go to a winery or a museum. All the things I did on dates with men my own age.
Do they hang out with your friends? No. You can take a 24 yr old to a cocktail party, but you can’t take a man with gray hair to a kegger.

I never dated guys with kids, so they were more like the Peter Pan types who haven’t settled down. It’s fun when you also don’t want to settle down. Once I was ready to get married, I dated guys my own age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late 50s. A year ago I was dating someone a dozen years younger, and I liked that. Since the breakup I've ended up sleeping with several mid- and late-20s women. One of them didn't become a girlfriend, or a FWB, but she had become a really close platonic friend. We have similar interests and challenges in life.

How does a 50-something man meet women in the 20's and get them to be interested in going out with the older, perhaps not fully sexually-functional, kind? This is a serious question.

$. Most men in their 50s have a lot more disposable income than men in their 20s.