Middle-aged single men: what are you relationships with 20-something women like?

[Anonymous]

There's so much discussion of men in their 40s and 50s, often divorced with kids, dating women in their 20s. But seriously, what do you do in these relationships? I know you have sex. I get it; that's the main point. But is that the whole thing? Even if you've reduced the relationship to fancy dinners, shopping, and sex, surely there are times when you would a conversation, right? Over dinner? What do you talk about? do you have shared hobbies? Do you enjoy the arts together? Do you talk about parenting and does she talk about grad school? Does you hang out with her friends? Do she hang out with your friends? (Do you even have friends?)

It's not that I think it's immoral for a guy in his 40s or 50s to date a woman in her 20s. It's just that I don't understand how it actually works.

[Anonymous]

I’ve dated 20s and 40s (my age). They ALL watch the same stupid Netflix shows (doctors, lawyers, employee at one of the three letter agencies, teachers, nurses, it doesn’t matter).

Conversation about art, music, politics, books we read, movies, is otherwise very similar from my side regardless of the age.

At some point they always get bored and move on and then I meet someone else. Usually I’m somewhat of a secret from her friends but sometimes they really want me to meet them. The longest shelf life of any of these relationships for me has been five months.

[Anonymous]

I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

[Anonymous]

40- something woman here - I've wondered about this more on the long-term basis. My DH is about 8 years older than me and, most of the time, we have the same cultural references (Gen X). But sometimes he throws out things and my kids and I look at him and it reminds me of my FIL - meaning, he's talking about some actor, etc. who is probably more familiar to Boomers. Point being, there are generational differences that can leave some gaps in understanding. Other age-related pitfalls long-term would be worries of the younger spouse that you're signing up to be a caregiver to the older one sooner than you'd otherwise be doing it for a peer. Or that he'd die decades before you.

The other piece surely would be overall life experience, but that's not always important, depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my BF drifts into boomer territory, and I'm on the edge of GenX territory ... and him not having had kids ... well, sometimes the disconnect is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Eh. They are having sex. They are having “intellectual” conversations but without the understanding of life experience, like you would do with your kids. I have intellectual conversations with my 11 year old, but they are not the conversations of an equal with an equal understanding of ideals vs reality. Is it intellectual sure. Is it the same? No.

That said, a man can feel that fatherly feelings put him more in control of the relationship, but a woman does not ever want to be a mother to another person and this is why women typically don’t seriously date younger men.

[Anonymous]

It's like anal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve dated 20s and 40s (my age). They ALL watch the same stupid Netflix shows (doctors, lawyers, employee at one of the three letter agencies, teachers, nurses, it doesn’t matter).

Conversation about art, music, politics, books we read, movies, is otherwise very similar from my side regardless of the age.

At some point they always get bored and move on and then I meet someone else. Usually I’m somewhat of a secret from her friends but sometimes they really want me to meet them. The longest shelf life of any of these relationships for me has been five months.

This response nailed it. It probably isn’t going to be a long term relationship where you get married but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect, have great conversations and good times with someone. Also, the boa constrictor known as “life” has strangled off most of the fun and imagination of older people. Its nice to get a younger perspective. The last thing I would say is not to underestimate young women. I think someone said it above, talk about individuals, not generations. This is accurate because you date a person, not a generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve dated 20s and 40s (my age). They ALL watch the same stupid Netflix shows (doctors, lawyers, employee at one of the three letter agencies, teachers, nurses, it doesn’t matter).

Conversation about art, music, politics, books we read, movies, is otherwise very similar from my side regardless of the age.

At some point they always get bored and move on and then I meet someone else. Usually I’m somewhat of a secret from her friends but sometimes they really want me to meet them. The longest shelf life of any of these relationships for me has been five months.

This response nailed it. It probably isn’t going to be a long term relationship where you get married but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect, have great conversations and good times with someone. Also, the boa constrictor known as “life” has strangled off most of the fun and imagination of older people. Its nice to get a younger perspective. The last thing I would say is not to underestimate young women. I think someone said it above, talk about individuals, not generations. This is accurate because you date a person, not a generation.

The boa constrictor known as “life” is a great line, gonna use it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Eh. They are having sex. They are having “intellectual” conversations but without the understanding of life experience, like you would do with your kids. I have intellectual conversations with my 11 year old, but they are not the conversations of an equal with an equal understanding of ideals vs reality. Is it intellectual sure. Is it the same? No.

That said, a man can feel that fatherly feelings put him more in control of the relationship, but a woman does not ever want to be a mother to another person and this is why women typically don’t seriously date younger men.

This is the PP. In my experience the younger person has significantly more power in the relationships. They’re the young, fun, (more) attractive one. And I have a great career, but they fully expect to have a great career soon as well.

The only power I wield is knowing I won’t be sad when the relationship ends because I’m 100 percent confident I’ll meet someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Eh. They are having sex. They are having “intellectual” conversations but without the understanding of life experience, like you would do with your kids. I have intellectual conversations with my 11 year old, but they are not the conversations of an equal with an equal understanding of ideals vs reality. Is it intellectual sure. Is it the same? No.

That said, a man can feel that fatherly feelings put him more in control of the relationship, but a woman does not ever want to be a mother to another person and this is why women typically don’t seriously date younger men.

This is the PP. In my experience the younger person has significantly more power in the relationships. They’re the young, fun, (more) attractive one. And I have a great career, but they fully expect to have a great career soon as well.

The only power I wield is knowing I won’t be sad when the relationship ends because I’m 100 percent confident I’ll meet someone else.

The power to walk away without feeling in a relationship is very powerful. Also you have power in the form of money, not just potential money. Our society had deemed money the most powerful thing. If you are defining attractiveness as being powerful, then I get your point. If you define caring, emotional
closeness or money as being powerful then I would say you have the power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Their. Did you not learn the difference between "there"and "their" in 2nd grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve dated 20s and 40s (my age). They ALL watch the same stupid Netflix shows (doctors, lawyers, employee at one of the three letter agencies, teachers, nurses, it doesn’t matter).

Conversation about art, music, politics, books we read, movies, is otherwise very similar from my side regardless of the age.

At some point they always get bored and move on and then I meet someone else. Usually I’m somewhat of a secret from her friends but sometimes they really want me to meet them. The longest shelf life of any of these relationships for me has been five months.

This response nailed it. It probably isn’t going to be a long term relationship where you get married but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect, have great conversations and good times with someone. Also, the boa constrictor known as “life” has strangled off most of the fun and imagination of older people. Its nice to get a younger perspective. The last thing I would say is not to underestimate young women. I think someone said it above, talk about individuals, not generations. This is accurate because you date a person, not a generation.

The boa constrictor known as “life” is a great line, gonna use it!

Ha ha I agree! It’s so true too. I’m early 40s woman married with kids and people my age just don’t get excited about stuff anymore! They’ve just totally been beaten down by life. I always have a couple of side projects going on and my collaborators are always either people in their 20s, or academics. The only two categories of people with the energy and imagination!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Eh. They are having sex. They are having “intellectual” conversations but without the understanding of life experience, like you would do with your kids. I have intellectual conversations with my 11 year old, but they are not the conversations of an equal with an equal understanding of ideals vs reality. Is it intellectual sure. Is it the same? No.

That said, a man can feel that fatherly feelings put him more in control of the relationship, but a woman does not ever want to be a mother to another person and this is why women typically don’t seriously date younger men.

This is the PP. In my experience the younger person has significantly more power in the relationships. They’re the young, fun, (more) attractive one. And I have a great career, but they fully expect to have a great career soon as well.

The only power I wield is knowing I won’t be sad when the relationship ends because I’m 100 percent confident I’ll meet someone else.

The power to walk away without feeling in a relationship is very powerful. Also you have power in the form of money, not just potential money. Our society had deemed money the most powerful thing. If you are defining attractiveness as being powerful, then I get your point. If you define caring, emotional
closeness or money as being powerful then I would say you have the power.

The income difference could exist at any age. Beauty is much more powerful.

[Anonymous]

But but but how is it like anal? Nobody looks at each other and there is a lot of communicating with grunts until the whole thing is over when old guy is pleased with himself and exhausted and the woman is bored?