Found alcohol- about to bring it up to my DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With his history of blackout drinking I would make a different plan for childcare during your trip.

Al Anon for you, find a meeting you can attend on Zoom today.

Ignore the people denying and minimizing this, his drinking history is NOT normal and your concerns are justified.

I mean, really? He got blackout drunk a couple of times in his early 20s and committed terrible acts like losing his phone and leaving the keys in the door once.

It's like some of you never even went to college.

The sneaking and secrecy is bad, but it's not clear if that's to avoid an overreaction from OP or if it's actually a sign of a problem. There's been no indication that he can't take care of his kids.

This, exactly. I’m kind of shocked by these responses. This seems pretty benign, especially for not knowing where the bottle came from or why it was in the freezer.

I’m pretty sure LOTS of us got blackout drunk many times in college and our 20s and did dumb things like lose our phones. I know I certainly did. But I didn’t know my spouse back then and he certainly doesn’t make rules for me regarding my consumption of alcohol.

This thread is wild. Nothing in the OP raised definite alarm bells for me. But according to the standards of OP and PPs, I'm unfit to parent my children because I partied in college.

Did you see the ops update? Most of us were not responding to the partying in college. But the current situation. I would say it’s likely those responding like that have had more intimate experiences with alcohol abuse. That is my experience and the red flags were immediate for me. He felt out of control enough with it to stop it on his own years ago and then now there was strong evidence he is sneaking it. Sneaking is a HUGE red flag in abusing substances. Huge. So that’s what people were responding to. The issue is not that he took a sip here and there through the day even (with ops update) it is the combination of the hiding and sneaking that tells you this is more than a hard party night for example.

You may have just found yourself lucky to not have flown close to the sun on this issue yet with someone you love (hopefully ever)

Np here and I read the entire thread and I agree with pp that this is an overreaction and I totally understand why her husband didn't tell her ge wanted to change their previous poorly thought out and immature agreement

But go a head and diagnose him as an alcoholic

He’s not an alcoholic, no. but I can pretty much promise you this is very risky for escalating if he doesn’t address it. I have training in this but I know that doesn’t actually matter on here (which it shouldn’t because this is an anonymous message board and I’m not speaking in a professional capacity) but… you’re very likely wrong on this one. This is not normal behavior for a normal drinker. Who even wants to drink peppermint vodka at 11a in the shower?? Really. He just wants to have peppermint vodka SO badly but his wife is SO CONTROLLING that he can’t so he has a glass in the shower? Please. He is hiding this because there is more behind it.

NP & I agree. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. His drinking behavior is disordered & there is shame around it.

[Anonymous]

Better than finding his stash of gay p0rn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My gut was right. He said it was his second bottle this month and he doesn't know why. He said he hasn't been drunk but having a glass secretly in the shower (he showers immediately before bed) or taking sips at other times like before he comes upstairs afterwork or while he walks the dog or while hes watering the garden. He said he put it in the freezer after I cleaned it out and was felt relieved that I found it because it wa sweighing heavily on him. Idk where we go from here.

He keeps it in the freezer in the basement but he is somehow having a glass secretly in the shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say nothing and incognito mark how much is left now. Every day I'd check to see if any is missing. When it gets empty say hey I saw it took you 2 days to finish off that vodka, what gives? Do you need help? Or it took you 6 months to finish off that vodka why didn't you just tell me you wanted some instead of hiding it?

This. I’d want to observe and info gather before asking. He’s going to get defensive and may not be honest. Know what you’re dealing with first. It may be NBD.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like OP and her DH need to go to a joint therapist. I can’t tell whether the DH is doing a secret shot of peppermint schnapps every night in the shower (I) because he has a drinking problem or (ii) because the OP is abusive and controlling about alcohol.

Let’s say the DH did not have a drinking problem in the clinical/mental health sense. And back in college he got really drunk several times. Not “alcoholic” drunk, but the kind of drunk that many of us did in college. But because Op carries this baggage about an alcoholic father, she insisted he give up all alcohol forever. And then fast forward ten years and he doesn’t want to give up all alcohol. He was at a work event that had peppermint schnapps and he had a shot and enjoyed it. And he’d like to enjoy a shot at home every night to relax before bed. No getting drunk. No addiction. Just a single shot of a low alcohol drink. But he absolutely can’t tell OP because she’ll go bonkers on him. On that scenario, does the DHs secret drinking suggest a drinking problem? Or an abusive spouse relationship?

Appreciate the facts are a little different here because the alcohol in college apparently led to pretty severe drunkenness (I don’t think that means alcoholism though? Just a bad chemical response?) and because op is not so controlling as to bar all alcohol in the house. So not as clear cut as the scenario above. But I’m still not sure this guy has a drinking problem vs a controlling wife problem.

[Anonymous]

All, this person posts stories like this fairly often. It's all fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone sitting here drinking a nice cocktail, just like I do most nights, I do not understand what OP is going on about.

I feel sad for OP's husband that he has to hide drinking a little bit of alcohol.

Im starting to agree with some folks that this op is a troll (op isn't responding to any legit advice, just stirring the pot responding with extensive details on things like why he uses a different bathroom), but still am struggling to understand how some people are failing to understand the difference between sitting and having a nice cocktail in the evening and drinking peppermint vodka in the shower during the day? whether the op is real or not, I really hope all of you responding with this don't ever have a child or close family member start to deal with substance issues because it is going to go right over your head until it gets bad. In the op, the husband drinks plenty with the spouse (beer and wine in the evening or with friends, normal), it just happens that HE decided, in discussion with his wife to not drink hard liquor since he had a hard time controlling it.

Arguing that sneaking/hiding and drinking PEPPERMINT VODKA (pretty sure that wasn't what you were sipping on tonight...) during the day is not disordered behavior with alcohol is simply a lack of understanding of substance use disorders. What you describe doing tonight is normal alcohol use, what op describes is not. Hard stop. Whether it's real or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All, this person posts stories like this fairly often. It's all fake.

Yup. She’s living out some weird fantasy on DCUM. I think she likes that DCUM is super anti-alcohol for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better than finding his stash of gay p0rn.

What’s wrong with that? So much homophobia out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All, this person posts stories like this fairly often. It's all fake.

Yup. She’s living out some weird fantasy on DCUM. I think she likes that DCUM is super anti-alcohol for some reason.

+2 wasn’t there almost the same story a few months ago? The walking the dog thing, etc. all sounds the same.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an alcoholic. Both of you need to start with that and work from there.

Probably straight to AA and Al anon.

Thankfully you caught it before he drove drunk or something. Taking swigs of alcohol to get through the day and hiding your stash is the definition of alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an alcoholic. Both of you need to start with that and work from there.

Probably straight to AA and Al anon.

Thankfully you caught it before he drove drunk or something. Taking swigs of alcohol to get through the day and hiding your stash is the definition of alcoholism.

you people are nuts. He hid it because his wife is a controlling lunatic with unhealthy attitudes about alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All, this person posts stories like this fairly often. It's all fake.

Yup. She’s living out some weird fantasy on DCUM. I think she likes that DCUM is super anti-alcohol for some reason.

+2 wasn’t there almost the same story a few months ago? The walking the dog thing, etc. all sounds the same.

Was thinking the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All, this person posts stories like this fairly often. It's all fake.

Yup. She’s living out some weird fantasy on DCUM. I think she likes that DCUM is super anti-alcohol for some reason.

+2 wasn’t there almost the same story a few months ago? The walking the dog thing, etc. all sounds the same.

Was thinking the exact same thing.

Sounds almost like this one to me

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1048743.page

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP's husband just wanted to party a little bit...