Reply to Found alcohol- about to bring it up to my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]With his [b]history of blackout drinking [/b]I would make a different plan for childcare during your trip.

Al Anon for you, find a meeting you can attend on Zoom today.

Ignore the people denying and minimizing this, his drinking history is NOT normal and your concerns are justified. [/quote]

I mean, really? He got blackout drunk a couple of times in his early 20s and committed terrible acts like losing his phone and leaving the keys in the door once.

It's like some of you never even went to college.

The sneaking and secrecy is bad, but it's not clear if that's to avoid an overreaction from OP or if it's actually a sign of a problem.  There's been no indication that he can't take care of his kids.[/quote]

This, exactly. I’m kind of shocked by these responses. This seems pretty benign, especially for not knowing where the bottle came from or why it was in the freezer.

I’m pretty sure LOTS of us got blackout drunk many times in college and our 20s and did dumb things like lose our phones. I know I certainly did. But I didn’t know my spouse back then and he certainly doesn’t make rules for me regarding my consumption of alcohol. [/quote]

This thread is wild. Nothing in the OP raised definite alarm bells for me. But according to the standards of OP and PPs, I'm unfit to parent my children because I partied in college. [/quote]

Did you see the ops update? Most of us were not responding to the partying in college. But the current situation. I would say it’s likely those responding like that have had more intimate experiences with alcohol abuse. That is my experience and the red flags were immediate for me. He felt out of control enough with it to stop it on his own years ago and then now there was strong evidence he is sneaking it. Sneaking is a HUGE red flag in abusing substances. Huge. So that’s what people were responding to. The issue is not that he took a sip here and there through the day even (with ops update) it is the combination of the hiding and sneaking that tells you this is more than a hard party night for example.

You may have just found yourself lucky to not have flown close to the sun on this issue yet with someone you love (hopefully ever)[/quote]

Np here and I read the entire thread and I agree with pp that this is an overreaction and I totally understand why her husband didn't tell her ge wanted to change their previous poorly thought out and immature agreement

But go a head and diagnose him as an alcoholic [/quote]

He’s not an alcoholic, no. but I can pretty much promise you this is very risky for escalating if he doesn’t address it. I have training in this but I know that doesn’t actually matter on here (which it shouldn’t because this is an anonymous message board and I’m not speaking in a professional capacity) but… you’re very likely wrong on this one. This is not normal behavior for a normal drinker. Who even wants to drink peppermint vodka at 11a in the shower?? Really. He just wants to have peppermint vodka SO badly but his wife is SO CONTROLLING that he can’t so he has a glass in the shower? Please. He is hiding this because there is more behind it. [/quote]

NP & I agree. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. His drinking behavior is disordered & there is shame around it. [/quote]

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