Could you forgive a one time misstep by your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why all the harping on the fact that he deleted her on everything? Is she some Jezebel who seduced him? She’s not the issue here.
If he got drunk and had sex with her, he’ll do it with someone else.

And I guarantee that they had sex. It’s a common tactic to admit to a partial truth in order to get away with a bigger lie.

Eh- maybe not. Maybe he's just a wienie who couldn't handle the guilt of even just kissing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why all the harping on the fact that he deleted her on everything? Is she some Jezebel who seduced him? She’s not the issue here.
If he got drunk and had sex with her, he’ll do it with someone else.

And I guarantee that they had sex. It’s a common tactic to admit to a partial truth in order to get away with a bigger lie.

Ooooh. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the pp's recommending post nups....They take a long time to create and are extremely expensive! 20-40k. It's not like some online form thing.... That's a massive investment as a couple of time and resources, and I don't understand the flippant remarks. It's not a simple thing. Please correct me if I am wrong.

NP here, husband and I just created a post-nup for about 4k all-in. Nothing to sneeze at but nowhere near 5 figures. If you need to identify mystery or hidden assets and get a financial forensics analysis then that might get very expensive. That doesn’t seem like the case here.

[Anonymous]

Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grown adults who've known each other forever don't stop at heavy petting. He tried to get out in front of this by giving you a half-truth.

+1. Esp when drunk…

I disagree. I think a lot of people would stop. That is crossing a line not to.

NP here. That's unheard of. Why stop if you go that far?

[Anonymous]

They obviously had sex. Come on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

Long marriage with kids and you are walking and making the kids lives forever out more difficult (2 different homes for holidays, etc, bdays) all because he confessed to a kiss. That is jumping the gun and leads me to believe you certainly have not been in a long marriage with multiple kids.

There are so many steps and evaluations before “Divorce!!’. Christ, she doesn’t even have all the facts yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

Long marriage with kids and you are walking and making the kids lives forever out more difficult (2 different homes for holidays, etc, bdays) all because he confessed to a kiss. That is jumping the gun and leads me to believe you certainly have not been in a long marriage with multiple kids.

There are so many steps and evaluations before “Divorce!!’. Christ, she doesn’t even have all the facts yet.

Not me, but our friends divorced and the kids stayed in the family home. The parents rotate in and out of a shared apartment. Ideal? Not necessarily, and I suppose if either gets serious with someone else the arrangement could change. But for now the kids' lives have been minimally disturbed and they still have a very amicable and loving family life. They introduced the changes very gradually and no one was traumatized.

Acrimonious divorce is one path, but if you love your family and just don't want to stay with your spouse there are many other ways that keep things relatively stable for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

Long marriage with kids and you are walking and making the kids lives forever out more difficult (2 different homes for holidays, etc, bdays) all because he confessed to a kiss. That is jumping the gun and leads me to believe you certainly have not been in a long marriage with multiple kids.

There are so many steps and evaluations before “Divorce!!’. Christ, she doesn’t even have all the facts yet.

Not me, but our friends divorced and the kids stayed in the family home. The parents rotate in and out of a shared apartment. Ideal? Not necessarily, and I suppose if either gets serious with someone else the arrangement could change. But for now the kids' lives have been minimally disturbed and they still have a very amicable and loving family life. They introduced the changes very gradually and no one was traumatized.

Acrimonious divorce is one path, but if you love your family and just don't want to stay with your spouse there are many other ways that keep things relatively stable for the kids.

Yeah everybody makes such a big deal out of two different homes for the holidays but in all my years as a child of divorce that literally never bothered me. We just had presents and treats and good and that’s what I cared about. I know it was hard on my parents and it annoys my MIL, but not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

Long marriage with kids and you are walking and making the kids lives forever out more difficult (2 different homes for holidays, etc, bdays) all because he confessed to a kiss. That is jumping the gun and leads me to believe you certainly have not been in a long marriage with multiple kids.

There are so many steps and evaluations before “Divorce!!’. Christ, she doesn’t even have all the facts yet.

Not me, but our friends divorced and the kids stayed in the family home. The parents rotate in and out of a shared apartment. Ideal? Not necessarily, and I suppose if either gets serious with someone else the arrangement could change. But for now the kids' lives have been minimally disturbed and they still have a very amicable and loving family life. They introduced the changes very gradually and no one was traumatized.

Acrimonious divorce is one path, but if you love your family and just don't want to stay with your spouse there are many other ways that keep things relatively stable for the kids.

Yeah everybody makes such a big deal out of two different homes for the holidays but in all my years as a child of divorce that literally never bothered me. We just had presents and treats and good and that’s what I cared about. I know it was hard on my parents and it annoys my MIL, but not me.

Between this and seeing your parents unhappy with their lives, there is no comparison.

[Anonymous]

I read through and it doesn’t seem like the op has ever come back beyond once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read through and it doesn’t seem like the op has ever come back beyond once?

But the conversation has been quite good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to take a wild guess that he got really cuddly with his buddy and you aren’t getting the full story. Maybe gaslighting you a little bit to make it seem less bad than what it is.

Where did this take place?

It took place when he got together with some old friends. I didn't attend. I really want to believe he's being totally honest because he's never lied to me or been dishonest , but I also never would have thought he'd fool around with a friend.

He’s never lied or been dishonest? I’m not saying he has or he hasn’t but how do we really know. When people say, ‘my spouse would never do... we don’t really ever know that either.

[Anonymous]

I would never trust him again. Even if I forgave him, the trust is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

Long marriage with kids and you are walking and making the kids lives forever out more difficult (2 different homes for holidays, etc, bdays) all because he confessed to a kiss. That is jumping the gun and leads me to believe you certainly have not been in a long marriage with multiple kids.

There are so many steps and evaluations before “Divorce!!’. Christ, she doesn’t even have all the facts yet.

Not me, but our friends divorced and the kids stayed in the family home. The parents rotate in and out of a shared apartment. Ideal? Not necessarily, and I suppose if either gets serious with someone else the arrangement could change. But for now the kids' lives have been minimally disturbed and they still have a very amicable and loving family life. They introduced the changes very gradually and no one was traumatized.

Acrimonious divorce is one path, but if you love your family and just don't want to stay with your spouse there are many other ways that keep things relatively stable for the kids.

Yeah everybody makes such a big deal out of two different homes for the holidays but in all my years as a child of divorce that literally never bothered me. We just had presents and treats and good and that’s what I cared about. I know it was hard on my parents and it annoys my MIL, but not me.

My spouse is an adult child of divorce and it is a major PIA having multiple households at the Holidays. Eventually--he just decided he wasn't doing it and spends all the Holidays with my family that goes in big vs the depressing apartment of his messed up dad or mom's house with weird stepdad.