Could you forgive a one time misstep by your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. I couldn't be bothered with being married to someone I couldn't trust. For me the marriage and relationship would change instantly.

I understand it's nothing to others but it's not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to socialise only together because I'm scared of my husband going out without me. I don't want to worry about it happening again and how much further the lie goes.

I realise you have kids and that makes it hard. I wouldn't be able to see my husband the same way again. I guess for me, I'd lose respect for him completely. I've remained faithful despite being tempted, I would have no faith in him again. I'd divorce but it's not my life.

Take your time to process what you want. Don't be in a hurry.

Long marriage with kids and you are walking and making the kids lives forever out more difficult (2 different homes for holidays, etc, bdays) all because he confessed to a kiss. That is jumping the gun and leads me to believe you certainly have not been in a long marriage with multiple kids.

There are so many steps and evaluations before “Divorce!!’. Christ, she doesn’t even have all the facts yet.

Not me, but our friends divorced and the kids stayed in the family home. The parents rotate in and out of a shared apartment. Ideal? Not necessarily, and I suppose if either gets serious with someone else the arrangement could change. But for now the kids' lives have been minimally disturbed and they still have a very amicable and loving family life. They introduced the changes very gradually and no one was traumatized.

Acrimonious divorce is one path, but if you love your family and just don't want to stay with your spouse there are many other ways that keep things relatively stable for the kids.

Yeah everybody makes such a big deal out of two different homes for the holidays but in all my years as a child of divorce that literally never bothered me. We just had presents and treats and good and that’s what I cared about. I know it was hard on my parents and it annoys my MIL, but not me.

My spouse is an adult child of divorce and it is a major PIA having multiple households at the Holidays. Eventually--he just decided he wasn't doing it and spends all the Holidays with my family that goes in big vs the depressing apartment of his messed up dad or mom's house with weird stepdad.

It can be a pain for some people for sure (though I’m pretty sure holidays with in laws and parents when you’re an adult are usually a pain). But I don’t see how the logistical difficulties could ever be so bad that it is worth preventing your kids having to deal with them by staying in a terrible marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to take a wild guess that he got really cuddly with his buddy and you aren’t getting the full story. Maybe gaslighting you a little bit to make it seem less bad than what it is.

Where did this take place?

It took place when he got together with some old friends. I didn't attend. I really want to believe he's being totally honest because he's never lied to me or been dishonest , but I also never would have thought he'd fool around with a friend.

He’s never lied or been dishonest? I’m not saying he has or he hasn’t but how do we really know. When people say, ‘my spouse would never do... we don’t really ever know that either.

Ha. I definitely said that as well as family/friends, such a good family man and husband. He had us all fooled. Shocked. It’s crazy how he even was able to find the time- but an hour or so a month over work lunch goes unnoticed.

This fundamentally changed me. Now I think anyone is capable of cheating, and so many people have no clue a spouse is doing it.

[Anonymous]

I do wonder what happened with this one. I wish she'd come back to update...

[Anonymous]

OP here. I haven't checked in because I wasn't feeling to well for a few days and one of the kids had a cold.

I also don't really have anything to update. I know it sounds strange to some, but I really do believe him that it didn't go further than it did. We're pretty serious Catholics, we didn't sleep together or live together before getting married. He's always been honest in his dealings with me, and with others, so this is out of character for him. Yrs the friend is married with kids herself and no I won't be calling her. As I said before I have no desire to divorce or anything like that. I just don't know if I'll ever really be able to forgive and forget. ANd at the moment I just want to focus on growing and having this baby, Maybe that's burring my head in the sand but it's all I have the bandwidth for now. DH has agreed that he can't be around the friends anymore, and no more drinking, he is still willing to go for marriage counseling if I want to. He will be talking to someone through the church. That's it that's the update.